Mark Heller


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The Paparazzi Made Dina Lohan Drive Drunk

Dina Lohan was arrested for DUI back in September, and in that time she’s managed to hire Lindsay’s old moron lawyer Mark Heller who’s now using his moron skills to blame the paparazzi for Dina’s DUI. And, no, not for chasing her or causing a life-threatening situation, but just for existing in general which is… More »

Dina Lohan’s Using Lindsay’s Old Moron Lawyer To Fight Her DUI Arrest, Of Course

Two weeks ago, Dina Lohan was arrested for DUI after blowing over twice the legal limit, so naturally she just plead not guilty to those charges because the first rule of being a Lohan is living in a fantasy land of your own creation where actions have no consequences. Which is also probably why she… More »

Surprise! Lindsay Lohan Just Got Away With Doing Whatever The Hell She Wanted To Again

Posted by Photo Boy

Ever since Lindsay Lohan ditched her real lawyer for that late night commerical DUI guy, her case about lying to the cops and subsequent plea deal has turned into the same kind of joke as every other time she’s been in court. Today is the deadline for her rehab… More »

Lindsay Lohan Is A Very Busy Movie Star, You Guys

If you think Lindsay Lohan is just going to spend her time before rehab friviously finding new stores to steal from without a bra on, think again. She has a very busy schedule entertaining numerous suitors before filming with a venerable star of stage and screen and fleeing to South America. Wait, what? Page SixMore »

How Lindsay Lohan Ended Up With Her Shitty Lawyer

It’s just been assumed that Lindsay Lohan hired Mark Heller as her attorney because he works for blowjobs instead of real money, but apparently that’s only 75-90% of it. Turns out Lindsay works with Heller’s son Mike who arranges for celebrities to “party” with wealthy guests in the Hamptons which also explains how Dina finds… More »

Lindsay Lohan Got 90 Days of Rehab Instead of 30 Days House Arrest Because Her Lawyer’s An Idiot

As Todd over at IDLIYTW points out, Lindsay Lohan could’ve had a relatively easy 30 days of house arrest had she simply agreed to one of several plea deals from the DA’s office, but instead she trusted her new, free dipshit lawyer Mark Heller to prove her innocence despite the fact the only legal maneuvers… More »

So Lindsay Lohan Took That Plea Deal

“Goddammit, Rip Taylor, we get it! You like confetti.”

After boarding then unboarding a plane at JFK and eventually getting a private jet paid for by Mr. Pink Energy Drink to fly her back to LA just in time for her to be 45 minutes late to court, here’s Lindsay Lohan finally showing… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s Lawyer Deemed Incompetent By Judge After Trying To Get Her Case Dismissed

Had Lindsay Lohan taken a plea deal earlier this week and agreed to 60 days of rehab that would’ve easily been whittled down to two weeks after she punches the entire staff, her shady as shit lawyer Mark Heller could’ve avoided going into court today to get her entire lying-to-police case dismissed. A move that… More »

Lindsay Lohan Wants A New Lawyer Already

Because she’s the end result of abusive coke-rattled semen forcibly fired into a gin box, Lindsay Lohan inexplicably ditched her lawyer Shawn Holley, who was literally the only good thing she had going for her, and replaced her with a guy who looks like a mob lawyer straight out of the 70s. Within the first… More »

There Is Another… Lohan… Again

Speaking of children who have no business existing, while Lindsay Lohan spent yesterday in court watching her new lawyer perform such dazzling legal maneuvers as “This here’s my lucky rabbit’s foot” and “Lookin’ beautiful today, ya honah,” (No really.), her dad was learning that 8,567 kicks to the vagina still isn’t enough to abort a… More »

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