Posts tagged "Mariah Yeater"

Justin Bieber Wrote A Song About Mariah Yeater, Too. Oh, Good.

If you thought Justin Bieber tweeting a Borat video at Mariah Yeater, the girl who accused him of being the father of her baby, was the dickishest thing he could ever do, you clearly underestimated our Maple Lord’s propensity to flaunt his syrupy power because, surprise, he wrote a song about her, too. BBC News

By: The Superficial / April 24, 2012

Justin Bieber Knocked Up Mariah Yeater

“Ohmygod, I totally made you carry my baby then made people think it wasn’t mine. You should’ve seen your face!”

There’s an old Hollywood rumor that Kirk Douglas not only brutally raped Natalie Wood when she was a teenager, but laughed at her afterwards and completely got away with it because he wa…

By: The Superficial / April 23, 2012

Mariah Yeater Still Claims Justin Bieber’s The Father

Mariah Yeater has already been caught texting a friend that Justin Bieber isn’t the father of her baby, not to mention the real father has already come forward and said she made the whole thing up for a $50,000 payday from the tabloids, so of course she’s going to keep saying it’s Justin Bieber’s kid.

By: The Superficial / December 20, 2011

Justin Bieber Took The DNA Test

Seen here wearing pink underwear while taking Selena Gomez to a romantic lunch at IHOP yesterday – God, this kid has moves. – Justin Bieber has graciously supplied a lab with his DNA, last seen glowing maplely in a Petri dish before feeding 5,000 people pancakes with smiley faces just the way you like ‘em,…

By: The Superficial / November 22, 2011

Mariah Yeater Caught Texting Friend That Justin Bieber Isn’t The Father

“Shh.. shh… I know you wanted to be a Jonas baby, but them’s got the gay, y’all.”

While it was starting to look like Mariah Yeater‘s withdrawn paternity suit against Justin Bieber was about to result in a nice, quiet little payoff, TMZ has obtained text messages Mariah sent to a friend just…

By: The Superficial / November 17, 2011

BREAKING: Justin Bieber Could Still Be Father of Mariah Yeater’s Baby. This One Right Here.

For those of you devastated by the news that Mariah Yeater dropped her paternity suit against Justin Bieber, the non-Maple Lord has heard your prayers. Turns out the paternity action is still going on with Mariah’s original lawyer still handling the case, only now outside of court for the sake of “confidentiality.” RadarOnline reports:…

By: The Superficial / November 16, 2011

Justin Bieber Paternity Suit Dropped

“I didn’t touch her no-no parts! Yaaaayyy!”

Apparently after Justin Bieber announced he’d not only take a paternity test but sue Mariah Yeater‘s face off for alleging he’s the father of her three month old son, TMZ reports she quietly dropped her suit last week which probably has a whole lot to do…

By: The Superficial / November 16, 2011

Justin Bieber Said A Bad Word

When news of Mariah Yeater claiming Justin Bieber is the father of her baby first hit, I jokingly suggested that the Maple Lord could never sully his mouth with such heathen words as “I want to fudge the sugar out of you.” Turns out I was wrong because on top of his newfound love of…

By: The Superficial / November 9, 2011

Justin Bieber Taking DNA Test, Suing Mariah Yeater Into Next Week

With Mariah Yeater‘s entire paternity suit falling apart at the seams barely two days after going public, Justin Bieber (Seen above with Selena Gomez who, despite reports, did not dump him even though the 30 seconds of sex part sounded an awful lot like the premature maple syruper she’s grown to love.) has not only…

By: The Superficial / November 7, 2011

Mariah Yeater Was Going To Give Bieber Baby Up For Adoption (UPDATE: And Claimed Ex Was The Father)

Getting knocked up by Justin Bieber is not only every girl’s dream, it’s also a winning lottery ticket waiting to fly out of your uterus and carry you to the bank on gossamer maple-wings. Which makes it odd that Mariah Yeater was contemplating giving up her infant son for adoption because if she’s not lying…

By: The Superficial / November 4, 2011

Justin Bieber & Mariah Yeater: Who Raped Who?
A Special Report

Only this beluga whale knows the truth. But will it turn rat?

While the police are busy contemplating a statutory rape investigation after Mariah Yeater publicly admitted to having sex with a then-16-year-old Justin Bieber, the Maple Christ went on The Today Show this morning to deny fathering a baby before dancing hi…

By: The Superficial / November 4, 2011

Mariah Yeater Is A ‘Good Person’ Who Just Happened To Statutory Rape Justin Bieber

Mariah Yeater, the 20-year-old California girl above who allegedly had unprotected sex with a 16-year-old Justin Bieber then sued him for paternity of her three-month-old son via a tabloid is really a “good, honest person,” according to her grandfather. “Why if it weren’t for that boy’s maple-penis, I reckon she’d be a doctor. Just look…

By: The Superficial / November 2, 2011

Aww, Justin Bieber’s First Paternity Suit

“Look, ma! I didn’t use my hands!”

When Justin Bieber‘s mom sat him down and explained to him how an invisible maple syrup manifestation of God himself mysteriously impregnated her – and made her pancakes more delicious – she should’ve immediately followed that conversation up with, “Oh, by the way, I hope you…

By: The Superficial / November 2, 2011