Posts tagged "Maria Shriver"

This Arnold Schwarzenegger Christmas Party Video Will Melt Your Goddamn Mind

Above is a vintage, and from henceforth classic, Arnold Schwarzenegger video from some sort of ill-advised Christmas party where he literally tells a room full of children that in Austria, instead of Santa, the fucking DEVIL appears in your room at night and tells you everything you did wrong while swinging chains at you. He…

By: The Superficial / December 21, 2012

Arnold Schwarzenegger Actually Thinks He Won Maria Shriver Back By Making Her Look Stupid

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s memoirs Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story hits bookstands tomorrow, so naturally he’s spent the past few days doing promotional appearances where he’s either confirmed banging Brigitte Nielsen while living with Maria Shriver before they were married or immediately noticing the son of the maid he banged looked exactly like him so…

By: The Superficial / October 1, 2012

Maria Shriver & Arnold Schwarzenegger Aren’t Getting Back Together

Along with rumors a reconciliation was in the works, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver both were spotted wearing what appeared to be their wedding rings over the holiday weekend, leading many to believe it was only a matter of time until her partially wet Predator tongs received his wayward Austrian baby dispenser in the grope…

By: The Superficial / January 5, 2012

Arnold Schwarzenegger & Maria Shriver Are Getting Back Together. Why Not?

Arnold Schwarzenegger banged and groped hundreds of women behind his wife’s back, knocking up all of them including the maid who pretended Arnold’s bastard son was another man’s even though the kid looked just like Arnold and somehow always got invited on family vacations without the benefit of being allowed to have genuine, honest moment…

By: The Superficial / January 3, 2012

Why Does Maria Shriver’s Camel Toe Look Like a Giant Molar?

Camel toe is an elusive, mystical phenomenon requiring the presence of tight-fitting clothing in order to catch a glimpse of it in its natural habitat. So imagine my surprise to see Maria Shriver’s clear as day through a loose-fitting dress because apparently her face isn’t the only thing with Predator mandibles. Of course, I’ve had…

By: The Superficial / August 9, 2011

Maria Shriver Didn’t Have Enough Sex With Arnold

“Do naht hate da playah, hate da game.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly used to complain that Maria Shriver didn’t have enough sex with him which seems like a weird reason to make yourself the target of a massive criminal investigation considering she looks like the goddamn Predator. And, yes, you read that right, Maria…

By: The Superficial / May 26, 2011

Maria Shriver Leaked The News of Arnold’s Love Child

Presumably because he pulled shit like, I dunno, taking his secret love child on family vacations, Maria Shriver originally planned to hold a press conference announcing Arnold Schwarzenegger had an affair with the maid, according to TMZ:

TMZ has new information from sources connected to Maria. We’re told when Maria found out that…

By: The Superficial / May 24, 2011

Jane Seymour: ‘Arnold Definitely Has More Love Children’

Apparently, you should never tell secrets to Jane Seymour because here she is at last night’s premiere of Love, Marriage, Wedding blabbing to CNN about how she wasn’t even “remotely surprised” to hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child, and that she knows there are at least two more floating around out there:

The…

By: The Superficial / May 19, 2011

Maria Shriver Used to Joke That The Maid’s Baby Looked Like Arnold

“Mom!”
“I know, I know. I’m an idiot…”

In a telling anecdote of just how well Maria Shriver conditioned herself to ignore obvious signs of Arnold Schwarzenegger groping literally anything with a vagina – Herself being the first clue. – Hollywood Life reports she used to joke that Mildred Baena’s son looked…

By: The Superficial / May 19, 2011

Patrick Schwarzenegger Changed His Name to Patrick Shriver

As absolutely everyone, including people in his own party, continues to be not even close to surprised by the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a love-child with the help and kept it a secret from Maria Shriver while the woman worked in their home and brought the kid around for a decade, Patrick Schwarzenegger ha…

By: The Superficial / May 18, 2011

When a Grope Becomes a Baby: The Maria Shriver Story

For those of you still losing sleep over how Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver’s marriage could’ve seemingly fell apart out of nowhere, turns out ten years ago he knocked up a woman who worked for them and then paid her to pretend the child was her husband’s as she continued to work for the family…

By: The Superficial / May 17, 2011

Arnold Schwarzenegger & Maria Shriver Separated

After sticking by him for years and defending him against accusations of groping women throughout his movie career to bolster his chances for governor, Willem Dafoe Maria Shriver has left Arnold Schwarzenegger. The LA Times reports:

“This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us,” the statement…

By: The Superficial / May 10, 2011

Maria Shriver looks familiar…

Maria Shriver attended the Lakers game last night which raises the question, do you think Arnold Schwarzenegger would have sex with a robot sent from the future to destroy John Connor? It’s not like he isn’t on a slippery slope here.

Photos: Splash News, 20th Century Fox…

By: The Superficial / February 27, 2009