Maria Shriver


More Maria Shriver stories

Maria Shriver Was Not Prepared For Lena Dunham’s Penis Talk

Maria Shriver once found out her husband secretly impregnated the maid. This should’ve been a cake walk. More »

This Arnold Schwarzenegger Christmas Party Video Will Melt Your Goddamn Mind

Above is a vintage, and from henceforth classic, Arnold Schwarzenegger video from some sort of ill-advised Christmas party where he literally tells a room full of children that in Austria, instead of Santa, the fucking DEVIL appears in your room at night and tells you everything you did wrong while swinging chains at you. He… More »

Arnold Schwarzenegger Actually Thinks He Won Maria Shriver Back By Making Her Look Stupid

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s memoirs Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story hits bookstands tomorrow, so naturally he’s spent the past few days doing promotional appearances where he’s either confirmed banging Brigitte Nielsen while living with Maria Shriver before they were married or immediately noticing the son of the maid he banged looked exactly like him so… More »

Maria Shriver & Arnold Schwarzenegger Aren’t Getting Back Together

Along with rumors a reconciliation was in the works, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver both were spotted wearing what appeared to be their wedding rings over the holiday weekend, leading many to believe it was only a matter of time until her partially wet Predator tongs received his wayward Austrian baby dispenser in the grope… More »

Arnold Schwarzenegger & Maria Shriver Are Getting Back Together. Why Not?

Arnold Schwarzenegger banged and groped hundreds of women behind his wife’s back, knocking up all of them including the maid who pretended Arnold’s bastard son was another man’s even though the kid looked just like Arnold and somehow always got invited on family vacations without the benefit of being allowed to have genuine, honest moments… More »

Why Does Maria Shriver’s Camel Toe Look Like a Giant Molar?

Camel toe is an elusive, mystical phenomenon requiring the presence of tight-fitting clothing in order to catch a glimpse of it in its natural habitat. So imagine my surprise to see Maria Shriver’s clear as day through a loose-fitting dress because apparently her face isn’t the only thing with Predator mandibles. Of course, I’ve had… More »

Maria Shriver Didn’t Have Enough Sex With Arnold

“Do naht hate da playah, hate da game.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly used to complain that Maria Shriver didn’t have enough sex with him which seems like a weird reason to make yourself the target of a massive criminal investigation considering she looks like the goddamn Predator. And, yes, you read that right, Maria… More »

Maria Shriver Leaked The News of Arnold’s Love Child

Presumably because he pulled shit like, I dunno, taking his secret love child on family vacations, Maria Shriver originally planned to hold a press conference announcing Arnold Schwarzenegger had an affair with the maid, according to TMZ:

TMZ has new information from sources connected to Maria. We’re told when Maria found out that… More »

Jane Seymour: ‘Arnold Definitely Has More Love Children’

Apparently, you should never tell secrets to Jane Seymour because here she is at last night’s premiere of Love, Marriage, Wedding blabbing to CNN about how she wasn’t even “remotely surprised” to hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child, and that she knows there are at least two more floating around out there:

The… More »

Maria Shriver Used to Joke That The Maid’s Baby Looked Like Arnold

“I know, I know. I’m an idiot…”

In a telling anecdote of just how well Maria Shriver conditioned herself to ignore obvious signs of Arnold Schwarzenegger groping literally anything with a vagina – Herself being the first clue. – Hollywood Life reports she used to joke that Mildred Baena’s son looked… More »

Page 1 of 2