Macaulay Culkin


More Macaulay Culkin stories

Apparently I’ll Laugh At Blood Being Added To ‘Home Alone’

Home Alone With Blood is something that my brain likes, so I should probably go see a doctor about that. Anyone else smell almonds? More »

Don’t Interrupt Macaulay Culkin’s Kazoo Solo

When people ask me what I do for a living, most of the time I just lie and say I’m an abortion doctor because here’s the Internet’s top trending story right now which you’ll notice has nothing do with gun control, the disturbing influence of the men’s rights movement, or unchecked mental illness. Instead, it’s… More »

Holy Shit, Macaulay Culkin’s Pizza Band Is Real?

There are so many things I want to say here, but I’m pretty sure if I was molested by Michael Jackson – “allegedly” – then dumped by Mila Kunis the second she stopped being blind, I’d have jumped off a building and shot myself in the face on the way down instead of just going… More »

Hey, Macaulay Culkin, Nice Girlfriend Who Doesn’t Look Like Mila Kunis You Got There

Here’s Macaulay Culkin with his new girlfriend in Paris over the weekend, and if you’re first reaction is to freak the fuck out because she looks like Mila Kunis, keep in mind that before this he was DJing parties for tiny plastic dinosaurs. So dating someone who looks like his ex is not only perfectly… More »

Michael Jackson Allegedly Spent $35 Million On Over 24 Child Molestation Cover-Ups

If I’m reading this correctly, Michael Jackson allegedly hired infamous private investigator Anthony Pellicano to find out what children had cases against Michael and bury them. From there Pellicano allegedly hired an associate to help in his investigation who’s now talking to the media after “secret FBI files” were found that claim Michael paid out… More »

Russell Brand Tried To Bang Mila Kunis When She Was With Macaulay Culkin. It Didn’t Work.

Russell Brand has a new comedy tour to promote which requires him to do constant media appearances where he shares humorous anecdotes that hopefully people like me will repeat. Anecdotes like trying to pick up Mila Kunis only to have her say, “No, thanks, I’ll keep banging Macaulay Culkin,” so well played, chap. You stuck… More »

Macaulay Culkin Does This Now

For those of you concerned about Macaulay Culkin after seeing him look like Fire Marshall Bill, he’s all better now provided your definition of better is traipsing around Paris with painted fingernails and a pony tail while kissing men surrounded by French pastries. And if isn’t your definition, go ahead and read about the dinosaurMore »

Mila Kunis Begged Macaulay Culkin To Go To Rehab While On A Boat With Ashton Kutcher

Considering Macaulay Culkin looks like this and Mila Kunis dumped him immediately after regaining her sight, it’s really not that big of a leap to assume he’s spending every waking hour eating pounds of heroin. So here’s The National Enquirer with the most unlikely, although if true, entirely reckless, report about Mila trying to get… More »

Michael Jackson Really Did A Number On Macaulay Culkin

After Mila Kunis regained her sight and realized she’d been having sex with Macaulay Culkin for eight years, he handled their break-up surprisingly well by flying to Europe and going to sex clubs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Except one of those nights must’ve ended with him waking up naked in a room full of… More »

Macaulay Culkin: ‘I’m Not Sleeping With a Porn Star, Ya Filthy Animal’

I hate myself for that headline.

After photos surfaced online of a recently single Macaulay Culkin leaving a Barcelona sex club with porn star Irene Lopez, she apparently jumped at the chance to make sure everyone knew they’ve been doing all kinds of humping. E! News reports:

“The last time I… More »

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