Posts tagged "Kristen Stewart"

MET Gala 2014: WTF Happened Here?

Because Photo Boy and I know jackshit about fashion – *fingers hole in Iron Man t-shirt* – here’s our gallery of the most questionable outfits from last night MET Gala punctuated by Kate Upton’s huge breasts which are making her getup look less and less ridiculous by the second. In fact, is she glowing to…

The Superficial | May 6, 2014 - 11:05 am

Kristen Stewart Wrote A Poem

I’m going to be honest here. I know next to nothing about poetry and would immediately zone out during any part of any class when it was time to read or write it. I even dated an English major who tried her damnedest to get me into it, but she also could orgasm just by…

The Superficial | February 12, 2014 - 10:57 am

How Dare You Inhale Kristen Stewart’s Oxygen?!

Sorry for the late start, but apparently it’s the goddamn Hunger Games for decent WiFi in New York. Case in point: I’m riding Photo Boy’s back while he’s holding a large stabbing instru- no wait, that’s how every day starts. Anyway, we’re actually able to upload photos without putting them in a stamped envelope addressed…

The Superficial | July 31, 2013 - 10:24 am

That’s Right, Private Kristen Stewart, Take Off That Uniform And Party With The Chick In The Bikini

Here’s Kristen Stewart on the set of Camp X-Ray where she plays a guard who falls for one of the prisoners even though everyone’s all like, “What? No. He’s dangerous!” But, God, how she wants to have his terrorist baby even if it kills her because the central theme of the movie is that’s what…

The Superficial | July 18, 2013 - 1:02 pm

The Paparazzi Wrote ‘I Love Rob’ On The Hood of Kristen Stewart’s Truck

Above is a video of Kristen Stewart walking out to her truck after the paparazzi decided to write “I Love Rob” on the hood. And normally I’m on the side of the paparazzi because without them we’d have no idea what Brandi Glanville’s underwear looks like drunk, but this was a pretty dick move with…

The Superficial | July 10, 2013 - 12:01 pm

Kristen Stewart Wore This To Fashion Week

Here’s the now-single Kristen Stewart at Paris Fashion Week where I can’t tell if she’s wearing a designer outfit or simply on her way to shoot Irresistible: The Robert Palmer Story then have the director lick her pussy. I should probably learn more about clothes, but eh, who needs ‘em?

The Superficial | July 2, 2013 - 2:00 pm

Katy Perry (Probably) Broke Up Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart

“You’ll never let a director lick your pussy, right?”
“Whatsha pushy?”

We went down this road before the last time Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson broke up because she let the director of Snow White and The Huntsman lick her emotionless vagina in the backseat of a car, but Lainey Gossip has…

The Superficial | May 29, 2013 - 11:12 am

Kristen Stewart Is Handling The Break Up Well

In case you somehow missed it, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson broke up over the weekend because Twilight’s over now (Or she’s banging Rupert Sanders again. Choose your own adventure.), so here she is walking into a parking garage yesterday with guns blazing just in case anyone even thinks about asking her where’s SparkleDick. A…

The Superficial | May 24, 2013 - 11:26 am

We Get It, Kristen Stewart, You’re Into Vampires

Despite the fact Twilight’s no longer culturally relevant and is now but a footnote for future historians to reference to as “The Mormon Vampire Apex,” here’s Kristen Stewart at the MET Gala last night, and if you’re thinking to yourself, my what an elaborate look, it’s pretty fucking obvious she let Nosferatu cunniling her in…

The Superficial | May 7, 2013 - 12:43 pm

‘Whee! We’re Rich And On Drugs Just Like Hippies! F*ck You, Dad!’

“Shit. Did I lock the Beamer?”
“Hehe! I traded it for acid. Do me in that clown skull!”

Here’s the rest of the first weekend of Coachella where rich people dressed like an American Eagle ad and stuffed themselves so full of drugs they forgot they had children and/or nothing but a

The Superficial | April 15, 2013 - 2:08 pm

Katy Perry And The Only People Worth Looking At From The Kids’ Choice Awards

Here’s Katy Perry, Kristen Stewart, Selena Gomez and Victoria Justice at yesterday’s Kid’s Choice Awards just so everyone has an idea who our future looks up to these days because it’s Giant Tits, DeadEyes McGets-Her-Vagina-Licked-By-Directors, Had Sex With Justin Bieber, and Former Jailbait I Never Got The Big Fuss About. Which admittedly are all way…

The Superficial | March 25, 2013 - 11:28 am

Turns Out Licking Kristen Stewart’s Vagina Is Bad For Your Marriage. Who Knew?

For those of you who forget the day true love grew it’s last pure, untainted sparkle-erection, Snow White and The Hunstman director Rupert Sanders was caught going down on Kristen Stewart who was Robert Pattinson’s girlfriend and more importantly not Rupert Sanders’ wife Liberty Ross. And while it seemed like everyone was going to be…

The Superficial | January 28, 2013 - 1:30 pm

What The Hell Is Kristen Stewart Wearing?

Earlier in the week, Kristen Stewart openly breathed in her own farts by saying a bunch of pretentious shit about On The Road, so a good way to make everyone forget every goddamn word you said is to show up on a red carpet wearing my grandmother’s underwear under a shower curtain. That’s how I…

The Superficial | December 14, 2012 - 10:31 am

Kristen Stewart Gets Naked in ‘On The Road,’ Acts Like a Real B#tch About It

“Cunnilig– Wha? They told me there was a young man with a salami tray over here.”

Posted by Photo Boy

The last time we saw Kristen Stewart she was pretending to still be in a relationship with Robert Pattinson as well as threatening to destroy Ben Affleck’s by even mentioning interest…

Photo Boy | December 11, 2012 - 10:30 am

Ben Affleck Wants To Direct Kristen Stewart. Uhh…

“Look at her feeling so happy and safe in my arms again.”
“I wonder what kind of car Ben Affleck will go down on me in…”

Kristen Stewart had an open affair with Rupert Sanders the director of Snow White and The Hunstman, and Ben Affleck probably had sex with Blake Lively

The Superficial | November 16, 2012 - 11:08 am

Kristen Stewart Wore This To The London Premiere of ‘Sparkling Dong Part 2′

I’m guessing because the director who ate her out in the backseat of a car is British, Kristen Stewart showed up to the UK premiere of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Holy Fuck How Long Is This Title? Part 2 looking like Gozer the Gozerian’s sluttly little sister Goze-ass. So in honor of this occasion,…

The Superficial | November 15, 2012 - 2:47 pm

OMG, You Guys, Rob & Kristen Are Totally Standing Next To Each Other Like In The Movie!

“I just said, ‘Do me in the car, Rupert!’ again, didn’t I? I am so sorry. It’s a nervous tic, I can’t help it. (Lick my pussy.) See? (Put the seatbelt around my neck.) DAMMIT!”

Back in July, the world learned that Kristen Stewart has been landing roles by letting directors use her…

The Superficial | November 13, 2012 - 10:14 am

Kristen Stewart Wore This And Other News

- All of these girls were super bored until you showed up. Their other tables are so lame. [theCHIVE]

– “If Mad Max and Zoolander had a baby, it would look like Robert Pattinson in L’Uomo Vogue.” [Lainey Gossip]

- John Travolta will always be the love of Kirstie Alley’s life.

The Superficial | November 5, 2012 - 9:21 am

Donald Trump Tells Robert Pattinson Not To Take Kristen Stewart Back, Is Very Concerned With This

Donald Trump may have been completely wrong about Obama’s birth certificate (In The Donald’s defense, the dude did look some kind of black.), but if there’s one thing a double divorcee now married to a Slovenian model understands, it’s love. So here he is tweet-warning Robert Pattinson not to take Kristen Stewart back because have…

The Superficial | October 18, 2012 - 1:24 pm
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