Posts tagged "Katie Holmes"

Leah Remini And JLo Ruined Space Jesus’ Wedding

Scientology did something crazy to protect Tom Cruise’s sensitive fee-fees? That can’t be right.

Photo Boy | October 29, 2015 - 2:00 pm

What’s Up, Katie Holmes’ Butt Cheeks?

Katie Holmes directed her butt to do this. This is her art.

The Superficial | August 12, 2015 - 12:33 pm

Tom Cruise Hasn’t Seen Suri In A Year

Question: How is Tom Cruise not being around a bad thing?

The Superficial | April 7, 2015 - 11:17 am

Suppressive Person? What? Scientology Loves Katie Holmes LOL

Scientology doesn’t know where Katie Holmes is getting this suppressive person talk from. They love his ex-wives! Even Mimi Rogers who everyone forgets about.

The Superficial | March 19, 2015 - 1:30 pm

Katie Holmes & Jamie Foxx Caught Holding Hands, Are Totally Doing It

Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx were holding hands? THEY FUCKIN’.

The Superficial | March 18, 2015 - 10:35 am

The Golden Globes After Parties We Missed

And to conclude our coverage of the Golden Globes, here are a bunch of celebrities at 18 different after parties celebrating themselves for starring in a three-hour long national broadcast celebrating themselves because they truly are our unsung heroes. Would it kill everybody to stop and talk about them more? They work totes hard.

The Superficial | January 12, 2015 - 3:00 pm

MET Gala 2014: WTF Happened Here?

Because Photo Boy and I know jackshit about fashion – *fingers hole in Iron Man t-shirt* – here’s our gallery of the most questionable outfits from last night MET Gala punctuated by Kate Upton’s huge breasts which are making her getup look less and less ridiculous by the second. In fact, is she glowing to…

The Superficial | May 6, 2014 - 11:05 am

Katie Holmes In A Bikini

Katie Holmes spent most of November looking like an even bigger saint after more details of her divorce from Tom Cruise were leaked to the press. Details like Scientology literally equates her with Hitler and will use every means at their disposal to stop her from committing a psychic holocaust or some stupid bullshit. So…

The Superficial | January 2, 2014 - 8:40 am

Happy Veterans Day! Tom Cruise Says Acting Is Just Like Serving In Afghanistan

Left to right, Sergeant Thomas Mapother, UAF Volleyball Brigade, with Private Johnathan Depp, 82nd Bolo Tie Division.

While I watch elementary school kids (No Jacko.) sing a tribute to veterans this morning, here’s Tom Cruise stepping in even more shit thanks to his $50 million lawsuit against In Touch. Which is what happens…

The Superficial | November 11, 2013 - 9:30 am

Tom Cruise Admits Katie Holmes Left Him Because of Scientology

“What am I doing? Not getting fisted by a futuristic exoskeleton that’s for sure. E-meter?”

Because Tom Cruise believes he’s a levitating space Jesus, he occasionally finds himself in situations where he’s certain he’ll vanquish his enemies with an all-consuming pulsar of justice, but instead ends up looking a crazy person. Situations like…

The Superficial | November 8, 2013 - 8:15 am

Jamie Foxx Is 100% Not Banging Katie Holmes, According To Jamie Foxx

Back in August, Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx were spotted dancing together which led to rumors that he grabbed her ass and she turned him down for sex. Which made sense at the time because Tom Cruise probably rigged her vagina to explode if it isn’t fully clothed, and that takes a while to not…

The Superficial | October 16, 2013 - 9:58 am

Katie Holmes Is Hot Again

It’s been a long time since Katie Holmes has been the beautiful, young sweetheart America used to masturbate to in The Gift, almost addictively, so it’s nice to see the effects of whatever the hell Tom Cruise did to her finally allow her to feel such complex emotions as, “Shit, my legs are awesome.” On…

The Superficial | October 9, 2013 - 3:04 pm

Jamie Foxx Grabbed Katie Holmes’ Ass, Yet She Didn’t Have Sex With Him? That’s Strange

“Grab. That. Woman’s. Ass.”
“I’m tryin’, Colin Powell, I’m tryin’.”
It’s been over a year since Katie Holmes divorced Tom Cruise, so allow me to be the voice of reason that says Jamie Foxx was well within his rights to borderline sexually assault the ex-wife of a former co-star. In fact, I’d be offended if…

The Superficial | August 29, 2013 - 3:06 pm

Good Morning, Katie Holmes’ Side-Boob, And
Other News

- Fun Fact: Reese Witherspoon’s Atlanta PD hat? A cheap knock-off they didn’t give her. [Lainey Gossip]
- Helen Mirren cursed out a gay pride parade making too much noise while dressed as The Queen. [Dlisted]
– The under-appreciated, under-utilized under-boob. [theCHIVE]
- Beyonce doesn’t understand why someone would dare question Beyonce. [tooFab]
- Elizabeth

The Superficial | May 7, 2013 - 9:35 am

Tom Cruise Never Said He Was Surprised By Divorce, Tom Cruise Knows Everything

Earlier in the week, Tom Cruise was quoted as saying he was surprised by his divorce from Katie Holmes and that sometimes “life is a challenge” and you need to have a “sense of humor.” Which sound like safe, bland quotes about a not-too-recent divorce until you realize you’re dealing with a man whose religion…

The Superficial | April 11, 2013 - 10:39 am

Of Course Tom Cruise Won’t Press Charges Against These Sexy Eyes, He’s Not An Animal

On Sunday night, male model Jason Sullivan (above) got shithammered drunk and attempted to return home to Tom Cruise’s neighbor house where he’s been staying. And by attempted I mean he accidentally tried to enter the Fortress of Xenu where this pretty much happened: “Seriously, dudes, I totally live here, why are you being dick-…

The Superficial | October 30, 2012 - 11:37 am

Katie Holmes Is Calling Up Old Boyfriends Now, But Mostly Just Joshua Jackson

Seen here trying to incept her way back into Joshua Jackson’s mind just like Tom did with all those aliens, those dead, dead aliens with their oddly human muscular male bodies, oh God, she can still hear their screams… Katie Holmes apparently called up Pacey out of the blue the other day which sounds way…

The Superficial | September 27, 2012 - 11:11 am

Tom Cruise Won’t Sue Vanity Fair But Totally Could If He Wanted To

“Before we bring out our next model, there’s something I’ve wanted to say for years… TCLTC, motherfuckers. Whoo!”
In case you needed more proof to back up the Vanity Fair story claiming the Church of Scientology held girlfriend auditions for Tom Cruise that eventually ended with a woman being forced to sell copies of Dianetics

The Superficial | September 6, 2012 - 10:11 am

Katie Holmes Has A Butt Now

Photo Boy posted this in yesterday’s The Crap We Missed because I literally missed it, so here’s more of Katie Holmes’s new butt which proves the mind control pills Tom hid in her food slim as much as they completely dull the senses. And I just wrote the next recruitment campaign, didn’t I? Goddammit.

The Superficial | September 5, 2012 - 11:18 am
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