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There’s Another Royal Baby Already

Her Royal Highness Princess Charlotte of Cambridge will now grace us with her presence merely minutes upon exiting the royal noonerhole. More »


Bertney & The Duchess’ Underwear

Bertney & The Duchess’ Underwear
An “Exploring The World” Adventure

Bertney loved getting to travel with Papa. He always took her to new and exciting places with all kinds of different ice creams and McDonald’s. Papa said it made her more “cultured” which Bertney thought was a fancy word for hungry becauseMore »


Behold! The Royal Uterus Has Been Resperminated! God Save The Queen!

“But, dear, what if it’s.. what if it’s a ginger?”
“Then you shall do what your father lacked the stones to do.”
“Kill mother and grandmother with his own two hands?”
“Haha! Heavens no, but that was a good one. Well done. I’m thinking more along the lines of a cliff and… More »


It’s The Royal Knickers, It Is

And so the royal Duchess of Cambridge did alight from her air carriage to show the young Prince George his expanding New Zealand empire where he would soon christen his Parliamentary Bird Flipping Regiment: Self Fornication Division. But first, the young prince had other matters at hand, namely using his psychic abilities to display the… More »


THE ROYAL CAR SEAT STRAPS ARE ALL WRONG! STOP THE INTERNET!

“I can’t flip anybody off in here! RELEASE YOUR KING AT ONCE.”

Some people might say this site is the worst possible type of blog imaginable, soul rotting, bullshit even, and those people would be mostly right except they’d be forgetting there’s still one step below me: Mommy blogs. Case in point: The… More »


Behold! The Royal Rugrat Has Been Named

First off, huge thanks to everyone in the comments yesterday for pointing out the Royal Baby was flipping everybody off. I fucking love this kid already. And now the little scoundrel has a name, according to People:

“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to announce that they have named their son… More »


And, Wow, It’s The Royal Baby Already. Okay.

While Kim Kardashian is still keeping her over-a-month-old daughter under wraps for maximum publicity, not even 24 hours after giving birth, Kate Middleton and Prince William literally walked their newborn son into a crowd of people outside of the hospital like it ain’t no thing. “A baby, you say? Oh, right, this little chap. Yes,… More »


Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Royal Cervix Has Been Breached!

And so, per royal decree some quietly whisper was born out of fear the child might encounter the music of a “Justin Bieber,” the royal baby was instantly rocketed into space with specific instructions to colonize the moon in the name of England. The Americans never saw it coming.

If you haven’t heard… More »


I Am So Sorry, Kate Middleton

Well, this explains why James Bond keeps breaking into Kim Kardashian’s OB-GYN. “They’re indooshing Tueshday, so now’s the time to make with the pushy. — No, pushy, not push the baby out. Your vashina, woman.” Via Hollywood Life:

The Duchess of Cambridge and the queen of reality TV are reportedly due on the… More »


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