Posts tagged "Kate Middleton"

There’s Another Royal Baby Already

Her Royal Highness Princess Charlotte of Cambridge will now grace us with her presence merely minutes upon exiting the royal noonerhole.

The Superficial / May 4, 2015

Bertney & The Duchess’ Underwear

Bertney & The Duchess’ Underwear
An “Exploring The World” Adventure

Bertney loved getting to travel with Papa. He always took her to new and exciting places with all kinds of different ice creams and McDonald’s. Papa said it made her more “cultured” which Bertney thought was a fancy word for hungry because

The Superficial / September 25, 2014

Behold! The Royal Uterus Has Been Resperminated! God Save The Queen!

“But, dear, what if it’s.. what if it’s a ginger?”
“Then you shall do what your father lacked the stones to do.”
“Kill mother and grandmother with his own two hands?”
“Haha! Heavens no, but that was a good one. Well done. I’m thinking more along the lines of a cliff and…

The Superficial / September 8, 2014

It’s The Royal Knickers, It Is

And so the royal Duchess of Cambridge did alight from her air carriage to show the young Prince George his expanding New Zealand empire where he would soon christen his Parliamentary Bird Flipping Regiment: Self Fornication Division. But first, the young prince had other matters at hand, namely using his psychic abilities to display the…

The Superficial / April 7, 2014


“I can’t flip anybody off in here! RELEASE YOUR KING AT ONCE.”
Some people might say this site is the worst possible type of blog imaginable, soul rotting, bullshit even, and those people would be mostly right except they’d be forgetting there’s still one step below me: Mommy blogs. Case in point: The arguments for…

The Superficial / July 25, 2013

Behold! The Royal Rugrat Has Been Named

First off, huge thanks to everyone in the comments yesterday for pointing out the Royal Baby was flipping everybody off. I fucking love this kid already. And now the little scoundrel has a name, according to People:
“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to announce that they have named their son George Alexander

The Superficial / July 24, 2013

And, Wow, It’s The Royal Baby Already. Okay.

While Kim Kardashian is still keeping her over-a-month-old daughter under wraps for maximum publicity, not even 24 hours after giving birth, Kate Middleton and Prince William literally walked their newborn son into a crowd of people outside of the hospital like it ain’t no thing. “A baby, you say? Oh, right, this little chap. Yes,…

The Superficial / July 23, 2013

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Royal Cervix Has Been Breached!

And so, per royal decree some quietly whisper was born out of fear the child might encounter the music of a “Justin Bieber,” the royal baby was instantly rocketed into space with specific instructions to colonize the moon in the name of England. The Americans never saw it coming.
If you haven’t heard the new…

The Superficial / July 22, 2013

I Am So Sorry, Kate Middleton

Well, this explains why James Bond keeps breaking into Kim Kardashian’s OB-GYN. “They’re indooshing Tueshday, so now’s the time to make with the pushy. — No, pushy, not push the baby out. Your vashina, woman.” Via Hollywood Life:
The Duchess of Cambridge and the queen of reality TV are reportedly due on the same day…

The Superficial / June 13, 2013

Behold! The Royal Fetus Has A Moniker

Us Weekly has apparently learned the name of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s daughter who, according to my knowledge of royal lineage, will be dubbed The Supreme Empress of Biscuits upon her birth at which point Parliament shall cede all of its power to her, ushering forth a new era of jellies and assorted jams.

The Superficial / March 13, 2013

Kate Middleton’s (Probably) Having A Girl

According to the British tabloids, Kate Middleton almost said a word that starts with “D,” and since the British are forbidden from using the term “douchecanoe” on non-labor holidays, a consensus has been reached that the royal uterus has been sullied with a female heir. And so, per custom, after the child has been sloughed…

The Superficial / March 6, 2013

Receptionist Who Fell For Royal Family/Kate Middleton Radio Show Prank Found Dead

Sorry for posting twice about the royal family – Please accept these Kate Middleton bikini photos as a token of my apologies. – but right as I hit “Publish” on the potential royal twins, the receptionist who fell for the radio show prank where two DJs pretended to be the royal family was just found…

The Superficial / December 7, 2012

Kate Middleton Might Be Having Twins

Now that the world knows Prince William has performed his royal duty of inseminating Kate Middleton while wielding Excalibur, here comes the inevitable speculation of how many things might fall out of her vagina and in what order because it’s about to get all Game of Thrones up in here. People reports:


The Superficial / December 7, 2012

Snooki Has Parenting Advice For Kate Middleton. Snooki. From ‘Jersey Shore.’

Setting aside the pointlessness and antiquity of having a royal family, at the end of the day Kate Middleton is an educated woman who carries herself with dignity and poise while aiding humanitarian efforts in her role as the Duchess of Cambridge. Whereas Snooki is famous for eating pickles on TV and peeing on a

The Superficial / December 5, 2012

Holly Madison & Kate Middleton Are Totes Twins

After the world learned yesterday that her Royal Naked Majesty Kate Middleton was not only pregnant but hospitalized with morning sickness (Something in all my years of covering celebrity pregnancies I’ve never seen happen before or even knew was a thing. Then again I know next to nothing about the female anatomy. Wanna talk about…

The Superficial / December 4, 2012

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Duchess of Cambridge’s Royal Uterus Has Been Sperminated!

“You’ve done it now, William, there’s no saving the bloodline after this. Why could you not have a girl, mother?!”
After all that naked stuff happened to them back in September, Kate Middleton and Prince Charles needed something to distract from the Royal Brillo Pad of Pelvicton Lane and while racism seemed like a good…

The Superficial / December 3, 2012

Behold! Her Majesty’s Carpet Matches The Drapes

“This one no shave pussy. INTO THE VOLCANO!”
For those of you just tuning into the Internet, a few months back Kate Middleton and Prince William basically ran around Florence rubbing their naked genitals all over anything and everything including themselves. Except despite numerous lawsuits and promises from The Queen herself to make whoever publishe…

The Superficial / September 29, 2012

Here’s One Way To Distract From The Royal Nipples

“Ah, yes, racism. Racism will keep the local systems in line. Or at least not looking at my wife’s tits- Wait, is that a smartphone? Dammit! Alright, then, who wants blankets? Warm, soothing to the smell blankets you want to be sure to inhale deeply from. You take’em big breaths.”
Alternate Caption: Gwyneth Paltrow just…

The Superficial / September 18, 2012

The Whole World Has Pics of Kate Middleton and Prince William Doing Naked Stuff

“How did they know we were going to shag in this tree?”
“Just keep smiling.”
On Friday, French magazine Closer published, then immediately unpublished (I mentioned they’re French, right?) topless photos of Kate Middleton and also revealed they have pics of her doing Prince William. Pics that YouPorn has now offered to pay every single…

The Superficial / September 17, 2012

Topless Kate Middleton Pics Are On The Internet

If you’ve been following the news closely, the big story this week in international news besides something about YouTube (?) is French magazine Closer publishing pics of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless in Provence. Pics that are now widely available on the Internet and regrettably boring as hell because they were taken from three countries over.

The Superficial / September 14, 2012
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