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Child Services Are About 29 Years Late

Child services took Michael Lohan and Kate Major’s kids because they’re Michael Lohan and Kate Major. More »


There Is Another… Lohan… Again

Speaking of children who have no business existing, while Lindsay Lohan spent yesterday in court watching her new lawyer perform such dazzling legal maneuvers as “This here’s my lucky rabbit’s foot” and “Lookin’ beautiful today, ya honah,” (No really.), her dad was learning that 8,567 kicks to the vagina still isn’t enough to abort a… More »


Michael Lohan Hopes His New Bastard Turns Out Just Like Lindsay. Me Too.

It’s always a good rule of thumb to never make a big announcement about being pregnant during the first trimester because if anything really bad’s going to go wrong, it’s then. However, this approach doesn’t allow you to call Harvey Levin while Kate Major is still wiping the pee off her snooch and scream, “BABY! More »



Michael Lohan & Kate Major Finally Made The Baby They Can Milk For Press They’ve Always Wanted

Michael Lohan and Kate Major have an on/off relationship that’s so volatile, the latest restraining order barring them from being near each other literally just expired the other week. So of course she’s pregnant now just like all those times she pretended to be to piss him off because he’d constantly ejaculate inside her just… More »


Kate Major Really Wants Michael Lohan To Think She’s Pregnant

Because Kate Major is an idiot, here she is pretending she’s so famous the paparazzi follow her into drug stores and that this isn’t at all an orchestrated attempt to make Michael Lohan sweat by thinking she’s pregnant. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not ruling out she might actually be pregnant because, again, Kate… More »


Michael Lohan Was Drunk, High During Arrest, Also Thought He Was Spider-Man

“Now there’s a vagina I’d like to kick. In the vagina…”

When Michael Lohan was arrested last night, it was reported that he attempted to jump out his hotel window only to land in a tree. Turns out it’s way more hilarious than that, mainly because he was shit-faced drunk and high on… More »


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