Posts tagged "Joe Jonas"

Rich People Pretending To Be Groovy Hippies, Man

Now that we’ve seen Leonardo DiCaprio dancing, the continued effects of lupus on the mind, and British on Dutch foreplay, here’s the rest of the rich people pretending to be earth spirits or some stupid shit they told themselves on the jet ride over. In their defense, they only get 30-40 weeks a year to…

By: The Superficial / April 14, 2014

Joe Jonas Admits He Had Sex With Girls, Smoked The Marijuana Like A Cigarette

“Come along, pussy cat. We’re going to buy reefer from the Negroes. Yeah, see, yeah.”

In a surprisingly candid interview with Vulture, a now mustachioed Joe Jonas talks about his experience with the Jonas Brothers and all the Disney insanity that came with it. He also opens up about all the insanity over…

By: The Superficial / December 2, 2013

‘Whee! We’re Rich And On Drugs Just Like Hippies! F*ck You, Dad!’

“Shit. Did I lock the Beamer?”
“Hehe! I traded it for acid. Do me in that clown skull!”

Here’s the rest of the first weekend of Coachella where rich people dressed like an American Eagle ad and stuffed themselves so full of drugs they forgot they had children and/or nothing but a

By: The Superficial / April 15, 2013

Joe Jonas Made A Sex Tape? With A Girl? Bahaha! Good One, Internet.

“I said, I want you in me.”
“….”
“I can see a tear forming in your eye. I know you heard me.”
“Goddammit…”

Before we get into this, let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that not only does Joe Jonas have a “girlfriend,” but her name is Blanda

By: The Superficial / March 22, 2013

You’re Supposed To Believe Joe Jonas Has Sex With This And Other News

- Cue Jessica Simpson suddenly giving birth in 3.. 2.. [Dlisted]

– Hello, large-breasted Asian in a bikini holding drinks… [theCHIVE]

- Leonardo DiCaprio has no problem banging Adam Levine‘s table scraps. [Lainey Gossip]

- Supermodels Without Makeup [BuzzFeed]

- Snoop Dogg’s Rolling Words: A Smokable Songbook

By: The Superficial / April 11, 2012

Chris Brown & Joe Jonas Are Making Beautiful Music Together

After Ashley Greene kicked him to the curb, Joe Jonas is apparently trying to shed his purity ring image and prove how hard, so hard… he is by laying down with Chris Brown. Or is it laying down a track? Doesn’t matter. Here’s the two of them with producer Hit Boy over the weekend where…

By: The Superficial / April 12, 2011

Ashley Greene is Banging Captain America

And she’s even wearing the “A.” Fantastic.

Ashley Greene continues to enjoy her return to vaginal penetration after leaving Joe Jonas and has apparently steered her drunken bang-bus toward Captain America himself, Chris Evans, according to People:

But Chris Evans, who stars as the titular superhero in the upcoming action flick,…

By: The Superficial / March 25, 2011

Ashley Greene is Drunkenly Banging Randoms Now

Following her break-up with Joe Jonas, Twilight star Ashley Greene has been literally clubbing every night since, and now it looks she’s banging any dude who doesn’t have a purity ring on. Like this guy. I mean, just look at his face. Lucky bastard has no clue what just happened. “Bro, I don’t even know.

By: The Superficial / March 23, 2011

Ashley Greene is Single

After learning the (not)hard way that purity rings don’t double as cock rings, Twilight star Ashley Greene has kicked Joe Jonas to the curb presumably after his fifth marriage proposal followed by a trip to Babies ‘R Us. People reports:

A source told PEOPLE at the time that Jonas was “head over heels”…

By: The Superficial / March 17, 2011

The Jonas Brothers should stick to virginity and other news

- Hayden Panettiere wants to sit at the big kids table. [Lainey Gossip]

- Sarah Palin gets owned by a retarded person. [PopEater]

- Tiger Woods Should Be Allowed to Fuck Everything: A Valid Defense. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Hilary Duff is engaged. (Relevancy not implied.) [Just Jared]

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By: The Superficial / February 19, 2010

Joe Jonas thinks he’s Justin Timberlake

Here’s Joe Jonas inexplicably dancing to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” ala Justin Timberlake on SNL eight months ago. For those of you keeping score at home: Touching a vagina before marriage makes Baby Jesus angry, but effectively rocketing out of the closet in a black leotard is now peachy keen all of sudden.

By: The Superficial / June 3, 2009

Joe Jonas is kind of a racist

First Miley Cyrus did it, and now here’s Joe Jonas slanting his eyes for a photo. Apparently the key to being a hugely popular teen idol is to also be a raging racist. Although to be fair, it’s more likely that he probably wasn’t making fun of Asians and was just caught wiping…

By: Superficial / March 20, 2009

Robert Pattinson photographed with Joe Jonas’ girlfriend

Cashing in on his success playing a brooding metaphor for Mormonism in Twilight, Robert Pattinson took actress Camilla Belle (10,000 BC) out for lunch yesterday in Venice, California. One catch: Camilla is dating Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers. Turns out purity rings are no substitute for a non-celibate penis. Ouch. That said,…

By: The Superficial / December 1, 2008