Posts tagged "jesus luz"

Madonna cockblocked Lindsay

Madonna’s minions apparently put the kibosh on Lindsay Lohan when she tried to hang out with Jesus Luz during Paris Fashion Week, according to the Mirror:
Our source says: “Lindsay got her people to phone the club to try and hang out with him. She knew he was hosting a night there with Alicia Key…

The Superficial / March 16, 2010

Madonna slipping Jesus the tongue

Madonna and Jesus Luz were photographed making out in a Rio de Janeiro nightclub last night shooting down rumors the two have split. However, these photos do confirm rumors that Madonna is a walking corpse with the power to manipulate the living. Seriously, she looks like every 20-something I see at the bars if they’d…

The Superficial / February 11, 2010

The Jesus Penis

For those of you screaming in the comments for me to show some cock, I give you the wang of Jesus Luz. This is a recently-leaked outtake from his infamous W photo shoot that I can’t understand why it didn’t run. I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a shriveled, young Brazilian penis and Broomhilda? You’re pretty…

The Superficial / January 22, 2010

Madonna wants to get pregnant

Somehow I missed this one: Apparently Madonna wants to get knocked up by her Chippendale’s version of Go! Diego! Go!, according to The Sun:
The Queen of Pop – who already has four kids – has consulted doctors about conceiving another child at the age of 51, pals said.
Brazilian Jesus, who at 22 i…

The Superficial / January 20, 2010

Madonna gives Jesus an allowance

Jesus Luz’s relationship is apparently a gold mine. A dusty, scary, 5 million year old goldmine, but a goldmine nonetheless. InTouch reports:
According to a friend, Jesus, 23, put his modeling career on hold in order to accompany Madonna around the world — and that move is definitely paying off. “Jesus basically lived paycheck to…

The Superficial / October 14, 2009

Catherine Zeta-Jones’ still got it and other news

- Scarlett Johannson is auctioning off a chance to be within gawking distance of her lady mountains. [PopEater]
- Jennifer Aniston singing for Ellen = the worst lesbian porn I’ve seen in my life. [Lainey Gossip]
- Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen want to name their unborn son Gabriel. [Just Jared]
- Jesus Luz i…

The Superficial / September 16, 2009

Madonna vs. The Sun: The Battle Continues…

Here’s Madonna in Portofino, Italy celebrating her 51st birthday and, yes, she’s wearing a jersey with her own name on it. Because a woman who parades around on stage in fishnets can’t wear a bathing suit, she has to look like LeBron James after a terrible bleaching accident. As if that’s not bad enough, after…

The Superficial / August 18, 2009

Katie Holmes smiling? What the…

- Katie Holmes allowed in public without Tom?! Somewhere he just uppercut a cockroach. After getting a stool and jumping really high that is. [Just Jared]
- Kathleen Turner or Britney Spears in 15 years? Not even they know. [Celebslam]
- Guy Ritchie is a big fan of the Jesus/Madonna relationship. Better his penis tha…

The Superficial / April 27, 2009

Madonna & Jesus: Together again for the very first time

Thanks to a fortuitous flight off the back of a horse, Madonna and Jesus Luz have rekindled their love affair. Her friends in the fashion world are even working overtime to keep him in the US, according to Page Six:
Marc Jacobs “wrote a letter of support for Jesus’ work permit” to allow him to…

The Superficial / April 27, 2009

Madonna’s flings threaten her adoption plans

Madonna’s relationships with Jesus Luz and Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez have thrown a wrench into her plans to adopt three-year-old Mercy from Malawi. NY Daily News reports:
“The news she is linked to another woman’s husband and a young man less than half her age makes us question her morals.”
Officials are unhappy the 50-year-old Material…

The Superficial / March 25, 2009

Madonna forsakes Jesus to the curb

Madonna has decided to end things with her 22-year-old boyfriend Jesus Luz after he was spotted partying in Rio with several females and reportedly hooked up with 19-year-old model Luciana Costa, according to the Daily Star:
As our insider explained: “Madonna has just come out of a very long and difficult relationship.
“She was draw…

The Superficial / March 20, 2009

Madonna’s Jesus finding new disciples?

Somebody’s spending a night in the scorpion tank. Jesus Luz the 22-year-old Brazilian model boyfriend of Madonna was spotted partying with several ladies in Rio de Janeiro, according to Page Six:
“There was a bash for Jesus on Saturday night,” writes our Brazilian spy. “More than 30 revelers partied so late into the night, the…

The Superficial / March 18, 2009

Madonna not a fan of Britney Spears’ music

Despite performing with her on tour, Madonna apparently isn’t a fan of Britney Spears’ music. Then again, Madonna hasn’t been a teenage girl since Henry Ford rolled out the Model T, and she had sex with him in the back. Page Six reports:
Lady Madge stopped by Hell’s Kitchen gay bar The Ritz on Monday…

The Superficial / March 4, 2009

Madonna: ‘Hold the Jesus’

Despite reports she’d be escorted by Jesus Luz to the Academy Awards, Madonna showed up stag to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party last night. I guess she didn’t want Jesus’ exotic looks distracting anyone from “the gun show.” Which is the exact same excuse I use for sitting alone at Starbucks every Friday night. Sure,…

The Superficial / February 23, 2009

Madonna bringing Jesus to the Oscars

Probably because A-Rod publicly admitted to juicing himself up and therefore has tiny testicles, sources for OK! Magazine say Madonna’s bringing her Brazilian model boyfriend Jesus Luz to the Oscars on Sunday. Nobody knows about his testicles, so it only makes sense:
“Madonna and Jesus have spent all week planning their outfits for Oscar night,&#8221…

The Superficial / February 20, 2009

Madonna two-timing A-Rod

Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez is starting to get pissed about Madonna spending more and more time with 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz (above). Somewhere Cindy Rodriguez is laughing on top a pile of alimony. NY Daily News reports:
Madonna has been trying to soothe the Yankee slugger by telling him Luz is just a decoy to…

The Superficial / February 4, 2009

Madonna ditches A-Rod for Brazilian model

Madonna has already grown weary of A-Rod (Or sacrificed him to Ra the Sun God) and has moved on to young Brazilian model Jesus Luz. The two recently posed together for a W Magazine photo shoot, and he’s become a permanent fixture on her tour ever since. Page Six reports:
“She was very interested i…

The Superficial / December 22, 2008