Jessica Simpson is a case study in classy.
I’m just not seeing it.
Was Jessica Simpson drunk on the Home Shopping Network, or is she just naturally incapable of talking like people? It’s a mystery.
“Her dad is her boyfriend!” – Actual quote, you’re going to want to get in here.
The Internet is apparently fascinated with an airbrushed photo of Jessica Simpson in Daisy Dukes. You people need a hobby.
Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson star in #FIFTYSHADESOFJOHNSON. (Yup, you just read that.)
Because weird Instagram photos that she actually thinks are sexy is Jessica Simpson’s new bag, here she is announcing to the word that she’s Jessica Johnson now. Which seems sad at first, until you realize there’s no possible way anyone could’ve explained what a mark is without her going, “Haha! That’s a boy’s name.” Then…
Because I work in celebrity gossip, I’m obligated to inform you that Jessica Simpson married Eric Johnson this weekend who apparently couldn’t content himself with buckets of child support from two kids, and had to go for the alimony, too. Somewhere, Kevin Federline just saluted by holding a chicken wing to his forehead. That being…