Jessica Simpson is a case study in classy.
I’m just not seeing it.
Was Jessica Simpson drunk on the Home Shopping Network, or is she just naturally incapable of talking like people? It’s a mystery.
“Her dad is her boyfriend!” – Actual quote, you’re going to want to get in here.
The Internet is apparently fascinated with an airbrushed photo of Jessica Simpson in Daisy Dukes. You people need a hobby.
Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson star in #FIFTYSHADESOFJOHNSON. (Yup, you just read that.)…
The Hunger Games is about a dystopian future where the rich eat all of the food leaving the poor to starve unless they shoot each other in the dicks with bows and arrows. Those words also describe every Tuesday night at the Chili’s near Jessica Simpson’s house. Are you seeing the irony now?
- Kate Mara doing a Rust Cohle impression? You got me. [Lainey Gossip]
- Frankie Grande’s face when he loses Big Brother is priceless. [Dlisted]
– The best responses to Ken Jennings’ asshole tweet about the handicapped. [The Mighty]
- These Dresses Couldn’t Be Any Tighter If They Tried [theCHIVE]
- Lindsay Lohan thinks she’ll…
Because weird Instagram photos that she actually thinks are sexy is Jessica Simpson’s new bag, here she is announcing to the word that she’s Jessica Johnson now. Which seems sad at first, until you realize there’s no possible way anyone could’ve explained what a mark is without her going, “Haha! That’s a boy’s name.” Then…
Because I work in celebrity gossip, I’m obligated to inform you that Jessica Simpson married Eric Johnson this weekend who apparently couldn’t content himself with buckets of child support from two kids, and had to go for the alimony, too. Somewhere, Kevin Federline just saluted by holding a chicken wing to his forehead. That being…
- Jennifer Lopez admits she used to pick out Ben Affleck’s outfits. [Lainey Gossip]
– One of the Duggar kids got married, so congratulations, America. Our population just doubled. [Dlisted]
- A Woman’s Back Is A Beautiful Thing [theCHIVE]
– Whoever’s doing this shit to Chrissy Teigen should be lynched. [Starpulse]
- Lady Gaga thinks…
- Ben Affleck is counting cards in Canada while filming Batman V Superman: Dawn of Holy Shit, This Title’s Way Too Long. [Lainey Gossip]
– Allow me, Anna Kendrick: I want to pee in your butt. (Nailed it.) [Dlisted]
- Building The Bikini Bridge [theCHIVE]
- Kaley Cuoco’s marriage seems in order. [Fishwrapper]
If it seems like I keep going back and forth between thinking Jessica Simpson looks fucking fantastic and terrifying, you’re already putting way too much mental energy into a post that’s 800% about her boob window. Case in point: All these words are just to make it look like I actually do something around here.