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Bertney’s Old Berfriend

Bertney’s Old Berfriend
A Scholastic Super Reader’s Choice

It had been a long time since Bertney had seen Mr. Jason. Papa had fired him a while back for not making sure she didn’t wander off the set of X-Factor to eat Furnch Fries. Bertney liked exploring.
“Ya had one simple job,”
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Britney Spears Will Save Amanda Bynes

I feel good about this already.

Britney Spears doesn’t know what day of the week it is, but she is under a conservatorship for being crazy, so that’s enough to come up with a story about her trying to help Amanda Bynes which I’m going to repeat for the sole purpose of making… More »


BERTNEY’S RERDY FER RURV

Thanks to the Golden Globes, I didn’t get a chance to cover Britney Spears being tossed back into the dating pool after she quit X-Factor, exactly as predicted, so here she is on a coffee run yesterday where her sweatshirt let the world know she’s ready for love. And by love I mean someone willing… More »


Britney Spears Is Getting Dumped After Jason Trawick Gets His Cut of Her ‘X Factor’ Money

“ERPLEBEES!”

Provided you even consider their relationship a relationship and not a strictly business arrangement where he bought her from her parents which he did, Britney Spears is reportedly getting dumped by Jason Trawick but not until she finishes filming X Factor, a deal that landed him a cushy producer gig as well… More »


And Now Back To America’s Royalty: BERTNEY!

I’ve often wondered how they manage to coax Britney Spears onto a red carpet without fried chicken hanging in the background, and today I found out the answer: Jason Trawick arrives to each event with a puppy hidden in his jacket which means every single one of these faces is, “Be good and ah getta… More »


Here’s Every Single Crazy Face Bertney Made At The ‘X Factor’ Premiere

Fun Fact: Shortly after Britney Spears just walked right off set during her first episode of X Factor, Simon Cowell secretly suffered a nervous breakdown that forced him to disappear for three weeks. Now imagine being in those shoes and coming back to see each and every one of these faces you paid $15 million… More »


Bertney Stopped Wearin’ Her ‘Gagement Ring!

A few weeks ago, Jason Trawick finally figured out Jamie Spears tricked him and getting engaged to Britney wasn’t going to be the cash cow he envisioned, although she does sometimes eat grass if left unattended. Anyway, cut to yesterday where Britney showed up to her conservatorship hearing without her engagement ring which she normally… More »


Britney Spears’ Fiance Just Now Realized He’s Her Babysitter

“Wait, did I grab the Thermos full of Ranch back at the hotel? Dammit.

When Jason Trawick quit his job at William Morris Endeavor, he assumed he’d be rolling in it as Britney Spears’s manager even if that required playing along and pretending to marry a mentally handicapped person who’s legally not even… More »


Bertney Can Do Whateva She Wants On TV, Y’all

“‘Em boys ain’t even cookin’ mah chick’n right. Jayden! Light the grill with mama’s cigarettes. Cig. A. Rettes. Her special smoke candy. There ya go.”

Last week we found out that despite receiving $15 million and more importantly an entire dressing room converted into a redneck smorgasbord, Britney Spears walked off during the… More »


Bertney’s X-Factor Rider Demands Chick’n, Soder Pop And That There Tater Salad She Likes 24/7

Despite being a ward of the state, Britney Spears is getting $15 million to judge X-Factor but that don’t mean a girl can’t ask for some chicken and potato salad delivered to her dressing room in the mornin’. So here’s her official X-Factor rider which surprisingly includes diet soda, so just assume her dad added… More »


Britney Spears’ Fiance Is Now Her Conservator Because That’s Not At All Messed Up

“I SEWED IT ALL BY MAHSELF!”

Back in January, Britney Spears’s dad was rumored to be ending her conservatorship as a wedding gift which seemed like the best possible way to make this whole situation not look like he literally sold her to Jason Trawick. Except we’re talking about a family who has… More »


Britney Spears’ Dad Is Ending Her Conservatorship As A ‘Wedding Gift’

“Daddy, it’s just what I always wanted! (What’s a consvadership?)”

Realizing that it looks like he essentially sold a retarded mule to stud, Jamie Spears has decided to end Britney Spears’s conservatorship so her marriage to Jason Trawick looks like it was her own idea even though she’s proposed to no less than… More »


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