January Jones


More January Jones stories

The Jon Hamm Penis We Missed

Jon Hamm’s penis and January Jones went to some thing together, and only those first three words are important.

The Superficial | January 12, 2016 - 11:52 am

Jon Hamm’s Penis Playing Softball

Jon Hamm’s penis loves a good ball game.

The Superficial | October 5, 2015 - 2:13 pm

Oh Yeah, January Jones Is Catching That Hammbone

Someone’s awfully happy.

The Superficial | September 24, 2015 - 11:22 am

January Jones Is Single Again, I Can’t Imagine Why

January Jones is single all of a sudden, too. What are the odds?

The Superficial | September 22, 2015 - 10:23 am

January Jones & Will Forte Are Doing It

January Jones and Will Forte are dating which, you’re right, is strange because he’s not married. I agree.

The Superficial | April 2, 2015 - 10:32 am

January Jones Really Grasps Feminism

If it hasn’t become evident over the past few months, bullshit like #GamerGate and the reactions to Bill Cosby’s accusers, along with some nudging from The Fappening which quickly took on rapey undertones, I’ve become more and more sensitive to the plight of women. And I already fully believed they have the right to do…

The Superficial | January 19, 2015 - 10:04 am

January Jones Wants Fat Jews To Drink Her Butt Sweat

Over the weekend, we basically saw everybody naked. More specifically Kate Upton, so I don’t even know what to do with my life anymore because I’m pretty sure it just peaked. Anyway, now January Jones is going around telling fat Jews she’s flattered that they want to drink her butt water because we’re living in…

The Superficial | September 2, 2014 - 9:30 pm

The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

Here’s the rest of The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards where my comprehensive reporting will tell you Breaking Bad won fucking everything except for that one award for True Detective and Benedict Cumberbatch winning for Sherlock which slightly makes up for Rust Cohle losing to Walter White. More importantly, Laura Prepon demonstrated the misogynistic side…

The Superficial | August 26, 2014 - 11:11 am

January Jones Is Naked, Wants To Bang Rihanna

Here’s January Jones posing nude for Violet Grey where she reveals if she could bang any celebrity dead or alive it’d be Paul Newman or Rihanna. Except that’s not even the most incredible thing January Jones said because that honor goes to this exchange:

What is the single greatest night of your life

The Superficial | March 20, 2014 - 11:22 am

This Is January Jones At 9-Years-Old

Because little boys are easily fooled by candy or people with weird noses who own their own amusement parks, they have no idea why making fun of their classmates’ appearance is stupid because here’s January Jones at nine years old who, iciness aside, grew up to be pretty fucking hot. But that’s not the amazing…

The Superficial | February 24, 2014 - 10:30 am

‘Well, In Whoville They Say That The Grinch’s Small Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day’

“This shouldn’t be the only time I get to see my son.”
“Just smile and take the picture, you red fuck.”

Here’s January Jones taking Xander to see Santa Claus yesterday where I’m fully prepared to be the only who enjoys the juxtaposition of her face with Santa and outside where she…

The Superficial | December 6, 2013 - 11:06 am

The 65th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

We’ve already spent way too much time on the Emmys, so here are the rest of the red carpet pics featuring such classics as Rapidly De-Aging Skylar White, an act of terrorism, Julianne Hough & The See-Through Butt, My Dick Is Huge I Can Laugh However I Want, Haha! Superman Dumped You, Bring Your Viral

The Superficial | September 23, 2013 - 11:19 am

And Now A Mother/Son Moment With January Jones And Spite Baby Xander

“Dammit. Could’ve sworn the drop would’ve killed him. *sigh* Let’s go…”

What? Don’t tell me I’m the only one who laughs hysterically at how visibly January Jones hates her kid. — So this post is just for me then? Well, fine, I DON’T NEED YOU. *looks at ad revenue* Baby, I can change…

The Superficial | September 19, 2013 - 12:45 pm

Liam Hemsworth Traded In Miley Cyrus For This

Earlier in the week, reports were flying that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth’s breakup was January Jones’ fault which made sense at the time because infidelity powers her ice-bot core. Except it turns out Liam is the smartest man alive and moved his penis over to 23-year-old Mexican singer/actress Eiza Gonz├ílez who unlike Miley isn’t…

The Superficial | September 18, 2013 - 10:57 am

Miley Cyrus Stopped Following Liam Hemsworth On Twitter Because of January Jones

Miley Cyrus has apparently stopped following Liam Hemsworth on Twitter following (new) rumors he’s been hooking up with January Jones again, according to HuffPost Celebrity. Which is amazing because who leaves a lizard tongue ratchet twerk-monster for a single mom with an ice vagina who hates her own spite baby? Is Miley Cyrus really that…

The Superficial | September 16, 2013 - 1:38 pm

January Jones Sounds Awesome To Interview

[Insert Zuul joke here.]

January Jones recently sat down for an interview with The New York Times where naturally she comes off bitchier than an ice storm made of bitch and ice, but she also surprisingly – albeit inadvertently – reveals the deep commentary Mad Men is making on how the American family…

The Superficial | May 21, 2013 - 12:18 pm

Blake Lively’s Cleavage And These Other People At The MET Gala

Posted by Photo Boy

So here’s everyone else at last night’s MET Gala, which was supposed to have something to do with punk rock, but I didn’t see Avril Lavigne there, so that can’t be right. *dodges broken bottles* I guess the point of this event is to raise a shit-ton of money…

Photo Boy | May 7, 2013 - 3:00 pm
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