Posts tagged "January Jones"

January Jones & Will Forte Are Doing It

January Jones and Will Forte are dating which, you’re right, is strange because he’s not married. I agree.

By: The Superficial / April 2, 2015

January Jones Really Grasps Feminism

If it hasn’t become evident over the past few months, bullshit like #GamerGate and the reactions to Bill Cosby’s accusers, along with some nudging from The Fappening which quickly took on rapey undertones, I’ve become more and more sensitive to the plight of women. And I already fully believed they have the right to do…

By: The Superficial / January 19, 2015

January Jones Wants Fat Jews To Drink Her Butt Sweat

Over the weekend, we basically saw everybody naked. More specifically Kate Upton, so I don’t even know what to do with my life anymore because I’m pretty sure it just peaked. Anyway, now January Jones is going around telling fat Jews she’s flattered that they want to drink her butt water because we’re living i…

By: The Superficial / September 2, 2014

The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

Here’s the rest of The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards where my comprehensive reporting will tell you Breaking Bad won fucking everything except for that one award for True Detective and Benedict Cumberbatch winning for Sherlock which slightly makes up for Rust Cohle losing to Walter White. More importantly, Laura Prepon demonstrated the misogynistic side…

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2014

January Jones Is Naked, Wants To Bang Rihanna

Here’s January Jones posing nude for Violet Grey where she reveals if she could bang any celebrity dead or alive it’d be Paul Newman or Rihanna. Except that’s not even the most incredible thing January Jones said because that honor goes to this exchange:

What is the single greatest night of your life

By: The Superficial / March 20, 2014

This Is January Jones At 9-Years-Old

Because little boys are easily fooled by candy or people with weird noses who own their own amusement parks, they have no idea why making fun of their classmates’ appearance is stupid because here’s January Jones at nine years old who, iciness aside, grew up to be pretty fucking hot. But that’s not the amazing…

By: The Superficial / February 24, 2014

‘Well, In Whoville They Say That The Grinch’s Small Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day’

“This shouldn’t be the only time I get to see my son.”
“Just smile and take the picture, you red fuck.”

Here’s January Jones taking Xander to see Santa Claus yesterday where I’m fully prepared to be the only who enjoys the juxtaposition of her face with Santa and outside where she…

By: The Superficial / December 6, 2013

The 65th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

We’ve already spent way too much time on the Emmys, so here are the rest of the red carpet pics featuring such classics as Rapidly De-Aging Skylar White, an act of terrorism, Julianne Hough & The See-Through Butt, My Dick Is Huge I Can Laugh However I Want, Haha! Superman Dumped You, Bring Your Viral

By: The Superficial / September 23, 2013

And Now A Mother/Son Moment With January Jones And Spite Baby Xander

“Dammit. Could’ve sworn the drop would’ve killed him. *sigh* Let’s go…”

What? Don’t tell me I’m the only one who laughs hysterically at how visibly January Jones hates her kid. — So this post is just for me then? Well, fine, I DON’T NEED YOU. *looks at ad revenue* Baby, I can change…

By: The Superficial / September 19, 2013

Liam Hemsworth Traded In Miley Cyrus For This

Earlier in the week, reports were flying that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth’s breakup was January Jones’ fault which made sense at the time because infidelity powers her ice-bot core. Except it turns out Liam is the smartest man alive and moved his penis over to 23-year-old Mexican singer/actress Eiza Gonz├ílez who unlike Miley isn’t…

By: The Superficial / September 18, 2013

Miley Cyrus Stopped Following Liam Hemsworth On Twitter Because of January Jones

Miley Cyrus has apparently stopped following Liam Hemsworth on Twitter following (new) rumors he’s been hooking up with January Jones again, according to HuffPost Celebrity. Which is amazing because who leaves a lizard tongue ratchet twerk-monster for a single mom with an ice vagina who hates her own spite baby? Is Miley Cyrus really that…

By: The Superficial / September 16, 2013

January Jones Sounds Awesome To Interview

[Insert Zuul joke here.]

January Jones recently sat down for an interview with The New York Times where naturally she comes off bitchier than an ice storm made of bitch and ice, but she also surprisingly – albeit inadvertently – reveals the deep commentary Mad Men is making on how the American family…

By: The Superficial / May 21, 2013

Blake Lively’s Cleavage And These Other People At The MET Gala

Posted by Photo Boy

So here’s everyone else at last night’s MET Gala, which was supposed to have something to do with punk rock, but I didn’t see Avril Lavigne there, so that can’t be right. *dodges broken bottles* I guess the point of this event is to raise a shit-ton of money…

By: Photo Boy / May 7, 2013

Miley Cyrus Just Quit Twitter Because Everyone Knows Liam Hemsworth Cheated On Her

Amidst rumors that her fiance Liam Hemsworth’s cheated on her, Miley Cyrus quit Twitter this afternoon and denied that she called off her wedding. Which is probably technically true because Liam Hemsworth needs to not be having sex with someone else’s vagina for them to officially break things off. It’s delicate these things:…

By: The Superficial / March 6, 2013

January Jones Stole Miley Cyrus’ Boyfriend

When I first read the report this morning that Liam Hemsworth is cheating on Miley Cyrus with January Jones, I didn’t believe it because it came from Star and Liam Hemsworth isn’t married. But then I saw this pic of January and him in the same vehicle after a pre-Oscar party, so clearly they fucked…

By: The Superficial / February 27, 2013

January Jones Is A Witch!

Here’s January Jones outside Chateau Marmont Sunday night, and there’s only two explanations for what the hell’s happening with the lower half of her body: She’s pregnant with another married man’s baby or she’s been one of those those messed up vampire chicks from Bram Stoker’s Dracula who can twist their torsos completely around thi…

By: The Superficial / February 26, 2013

January Jones Broke Up With Director Boyfriend Before He Even Got Her Pregnant

Considering Sweetwater already premiered at Sundance so there’s no way she can be edited out of it now, it should’ve been expected that January Jones would immediately ditch Noah Miller and presumably move on to turning Bryan Singer straight so she can get her old job back. “I promise you can go right back to…

By: The Superficial / January 31, 2013

January Jones’ Hair Is Falling Out

Here’s January Jones as a redhead. And here she is as a brunette. And above she’s back to being a blonde, so you’ll probably be surprised to find out her hair is falling out which the Internet couldn’t trip over itself fast enough to report because she’s a spite-birthing shrew. And, honestly, all I have…

By: The Superficial / January 28, 2013

January Jones Isn’t In ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’

Considering she has a history of sleeping with whoever she works with and Bryan Singer has a history of saying, “Bitch, I know you didn’t try to rub that nasty ho business on my man-pop,” it really shouldn’t be a surprise that January Jones won’t be back as Emma Frost in the X-Men: First Class

By: The Superficial / January 25, 2013
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