Posts tagged "Jake Gyllenhaal"

The Bonnie & Clyde of Fart-Sniffing Made A Trailer

Because if there’s one place these two should be filmed right now, it’s an elevator, here’s “RUN” the mutual masturbatory mock-trailer for Jay Z and Beyonce‘s upcoming “On The Run” tour starring all of their famous friends with the notable exception of Gwyneth Paltrow. Which is what happens when you go around telling people your…

By: The Superficial / May 19, 2014

Minka Kelly Secretly Hooked Up With Jake Gyllenhaal

Back in January, Minka Kelly shot down Jake Gyllenhaal because she was too busy trying to make things work with Derek Jeter again and/or complete her Upper Deck collection of 2006 Yankees. Turns out Jake Gyllenhaal doesn’t give up that easily and doesn’t mind following Wilmer Valderrama provided nobody talks about it except, oh, wait,…

By: The Superficial / June 14, 2012

Taylor Swift Wrote An Entire Album About Jake Gyllenhaal

Taylor Swift has a history of writing songs about her exes (See: Mayer, John “Douchecanoe”), but she’s never written an entire concept album about one which is how I chose to read this Us Weekly article about Jake Gyllenhaal who dumped her for being “too young.” Haha! Gays. You say the darndest things.

By: The Superficial / January 27, 2012

Minka Kelly Shot Down Jake Gyllenhaal

After breaking up in August, Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter are already back together, but not for a lack of A-list actors attempting to tame her career-killing ass of sexual destiny. (Just go with it.) Us Weekly reports:

A source claims that Kelly, 31, “declined” an invitation from Gyllenhaal, 31, when he asked…

By: The Superficial / January 12, 2012

Just Kidding! Jake Gyllenhaal Actually Bangs Anna Kendrick

Yesterday the Internet was aflutter with reports that Jake Gyllenhaal and Rashida Jones are a couple after photos of them having lunch together surfaced. Except now PopSugar has photos of Jake cuddling with Anna Kendrick after a trip to Vegas over the weekend, so it’s pretty obvious what’s happening here: Jake Gyllenhaal’s harvesting women’s body…

By: The Superficial / September 7, 2011

Jake Gyllenhaal & Rashida Jones Probably Have Sex Now

When we last Jake Gyllenhaal‘s love life, it was fresh off of curbing Taylor Swift for a crack at Jennifer Aniston’s glacia majora, so here he is Saturday with his latest Gyllen.. “haul” (If two testicles and a shaft dangle between this man’s legs, he’ll start using that term immediately. With gusto.), Rashida Jones, who…

By: The Superficial / September 6, 2011

Jake Gyllenhaal Will Love This

REESE: *walks up* Hi. I just wanted to say my daughter and I love your music.
TAYLOR: Oh my God, I love your movies. Thank you so much.
REESE: Please, it was my pleasure. *notices cameras*
TAYLOR: Wow, this got awkward, huh?
REESE: Pfft. Only if we let it. It’s all…

By: The Superficial / April 5, 2011

Reese Witherspoon Got Married

Because her last one to Ryan Phillippe worked out awesome, Reese Witherspoon married her agent/boyfriend Jim Toth this weekend. Although, in her defense, he’s a balding, unattractive 40-year-old, so the chances of straying are slim. On that note, let’s find out how Jake Gyllenhaal spent the day coping with not being a passive enough doormat.

By: The Superficial / March 28, 2011

Jake Gyllenhaal Left This For Jennifer Aniston

In the hustle to cover Grammys, this story got lost in the mix, but I felt it was important enough to mention just so people are aware Jennifer Aniston is still out there preying on men in their late 20s/early 30s so she can fill the Brad Pitt-sized hole in her ice-heart. Life & Style

By: The Superficial / February 15, 2011

Jake Gyllenhaal & Taylor Swift: Round Two

Presumably because she didn’t write a song about him fast enough, Jake Gyllenhaal has engaged Taylor Swift again, hoping to make a more lasting impression that she’ll immortalize to music. (Friendly Tip: Donkey punch. — You’re welcome.) People reports:

The two stars, whose brief relationship fizzled in December, arrived quietly together on Wednesday…

By: The Superficial / January 20, 2011

Taylor Swift Was ‘Too Young’ For Jake Gyllenhaal

While the nation spent most of last night and this morning crying in bed over the end of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal‘s one month long relationship, Us Weekly has tackled the tough question of, “How, Jake? How could you do it?” *sobs into Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper*:

“Jake reached out to her…

By: The Superficial / January 5, 2011

Taylor Swift & Jake Gyllenhaal Broke Up

I’m not even sure if this existed long enough to count as a relationship, but Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift have already called it quits, according to People:

“They’re over,” a source tells PEOPLE about the short-lived relationship. “It ended last month.”
No reason was given for a split, and the star…

By: The Superficial / January 4, 2011

Kirsten Dunst Doesn’t Want to Hear About Jake and Taylor

Proving there’s honor among snaggletooths, Kirsten Dunst refuses to talk about her ex Jake Gyllenhaal now openly dating Taylor Swift, according to Us Magazine:

At the film’s NYC premiere Wednesday, Dunst, 28, was asked whether she thinks Swift – who turns 21 Dec. 13 – is a good match for 29-year-old Gyllenhaal.

By: The Superficial / December 2, 2010

Anne Hathaway & Jake Gyllenhaal Are Naked and Other News

- Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal do naked stuff. [Entertainment Weekly]

- Bristol Palin might completely destroy Dancing With The Stars. [Popeater]

- Oh hell no… [Dlisted]

- Taylor Lautner is still Tom Cruise Jr. [Lainey Gossip]

- Holly Madison has “wholesome” cleavage. [Hollywood Tuna]…

By: The Superficial / November 18, 2010

Taylor Swift is Dating Jake Gyllenhaal Now. Of Course.

It started with Lainey Gossip, and now People is reporting Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal are not only dating but were spotted together in New York City for the SNL cast party over the weekend. So since I want an exclusive, too, let me be the first to say these two are definitely going to…

By: The Superficial / October 25, 2010

Jake Gyllenhaal is still hitting that

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon’s reps have officially shot down rumors the two split over the holiday, according to Gossip Cop. Coincidentally, even they were surprised by the news.

JAKE: Hey, did you know we’re still alive and dating?
REESE: Really? Weird.
JAKE: I could’ve sworn you murdered me with your chin.
REESE:…

By: The Superficial / November 30, 2009

Kendra Wilkinson’s inflating breasts and other news

- Jake Gyllenhaal’s Prince of Persia official photo looks Middle Eastern. Not counting Jake. [Lainey Gossip]

- Nick Lachey has never stopped loving Jessica Simpson. Which is why he’s going to need to bang a bunch of strippers before deciding to get back together. Because of all the love. [Celebslam]

- Jim

By: The Superficial / July 17, 2009

Lady Gaga understands showmanship

- Jessica Simpson’s new reality show gets the green light. Because it’s been far too long since America was reminded why she’s our dumbest, breastiest treasure. [I’m Not Obsessed]

- Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal wear matching outfits. Wow, and I seriously thought Perez Hilton would be the gayest thing I wrote…

By: The Superficial / June 22, 2009

Maggie Gyllenhaal & Peter Sarsgaard get married

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard got married this weekend in Italy, according to People:

“We are happy to confirm that Maggie and Peter were married on Saturday, May 2,” the actress’s rep said in a statement to PEOPLE.
The celebration took place in a small chapel in Brindisi, according to European news reports. Among…

By: The Superficial / May 4, 2009

Jake Gyllenhaal is apparently a tough guy now

Remember when Jake Gyllenhaal would always play the role of the wistful outcast teenager who mumbled all his lines? Well, somebody just sold that kid some steroids. I’m not about to point any fingers here, but if Reese Witherspoon doesn’t fit the M.O. of a drug dealer, then I just gave the cops a really…

By: The Superficial / January 8, 2009
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