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Justin Bieber Grabbing His Dick On Instagram Is How My Holiday Ended

In this post, I present Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith grabbing their dicks, which is a sentence I refuse to edit for clarity.

Carmen Ribecca |

I’m Pretty Sure Will Smith Just Admitted His Kids Are Idiots

Will Smith just made the understatement of the year.

Mike Redmond |

Jaden Smith Is Starting A Cult Now

Jaden Smith has ambitions for a spiritual following, just like the arrogant, prideful, trust fund baby prophets before him.

Carmen Ribecca |

Jaden Smith Opened His Mouth Again

Jaden Smith is Galileo and Banksy’s fuck-baby, apparently.

Mike Redmond |

Kylie Jenner Allegedly Tried To Destroy A Chick Over Jaden Smith?

Kylie Jenner allegedly orchestrated a car crash to take out a girl Jaden Smith liked? Sounds reasonable.

Mike Redmond |

Willow & Jaden Smith Sniffed All The Farts, The Farts Are Gone

While I was buried deep inside Gwyneth Paltrow yesterday – *rereads* Yup, that came out right. – apparently two other pretentious twatwaffles were busy fumigating the New York Times with their metaphysical butt fumes which they openly huffed while pontificating on reality, the human mind, and babies breathing energy while they’re building their bones in…

Mike Redmond |

Everything You Could Die Happy Never Knowing About Kim & Kanye’s Wedding

For those of you who spent Memorial Day weekend in a joyfully ignorant bliss-bubble of friends, family and alcohol, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got married on Saturday. So to get this over with as quickly as possible, here are all the highlights I painstakingly cobbled together because I know how much you hate doing…

Mike Redmond |

Willow Smith & Moises Arias Photo Was An ‘Expression of Art,’ You Projecting Pedophiles

Yesterday, the Internet lost its shit after 20-year-old actor Moises Arias posted a shirtless photo of himself on a bed with 13-year-old Willow Smith to his Instagram then quickly deleted it presumably after hearing the words, “Take a seat right over there,” whispered from the shadows. (Although, Page Six points out it’s still on his…

Mike Redmond |

Jaden Smith Told His 4 Million Twitter Followers To Drop Out of School

While promoting After Earth, Will Smith sat down for an infamous interview with Vulture where he revealed he’s not only buying his son Jaden Smith movie roles but turning him into a fart-sniffing shithead who literally believes he’s a physicist. And now Dr. Jaden has taken to Twitter to tell the four million impressionable youths…

Mike Redmond |

Miley Cyrus Thought She Could Replace Emily Ratajkowski, This Isn’t Funny Anymore

A few months back, Robin Thicke released his video for “Blurred Lines” which featured Emily Ratajkowski bouncing around naked because she is a gift and an angel from God. I’d even go so far to say it’s the music video equivalent of Peter Dinklage hula hooping and should be spoken of in hushed whispers and…

Mike Redmond |

Kris Jenner Really Wants You To Look At Kylie & Kendall’s Underage Butts in Bikinis

Now just hear me out, Chris Hansen. I know you dove through a skylight with the express purpose of uppercutting me into a seat right over there, but before you dangle me from a rope and make me swear to you, ask yourself, who’s the real villain here? Me, some schlub on the Internet who’s…

Mike Redmond |

Kylie Jenner Is Allowed To Talk Publicly About Jaden Smith? You Don’t Say…

Posted by Photo Boy

Presumably because she doesn’t understand complex interstellar mathematic computations, the sum of which always equals wearing an Iron Man costume to a five star restaurant, Kylie Jenner engrammed the hell out of Jaden Smith’s thetans (It’s clear the Smiths are whack job Scientologists at this point, right?) by talking…

Carmen Ribecca |

Jaden Smith Disguised Himself As Iron Man While Out With Kylie Jenner. Ahh, Young Love…

Over the weekend, Vulture posted a goddamn ridiculous interview with Will and Jaden Smith where they literally described themselves as physicists who understand patterns thanks to their knowledge of multidimensional mathematics. I’m talking a level of fart-sniffing that would make James Franco’s dicknose so hard it could cum on a mime. So naturally Jaden followed…

Mike Redmond |

Jaden Smith Wants To Be Emancipated

Jaden Smith’s parents have bought him movie roles, leased him Kylie Jenner and let him wear clothes that any respectable parent would consider legal grounds for a 2×4 to the face. So naturally that’s not enough and now he wants to be emancipated and have his own place at 15-years-old because masturbating quietly in a…

Mike Redmond |

Oh Good, Kris Jenner Sold Kylie To Jaden Smith

Jaden Smith is only 14-years-old, but he’s retarded rich and best friends with Justin Bieber making him the perfect candidate for Kris Jenner to pimp Kylie out to insure the future of the Kardashian brand. “How’s his bladder?” she probably asked Jada Pinkett-Smith, “From a mother to a mother.” But before everyone gets all freaked…

Mike Redmond |