Posts tagged "Hayden Panettiere"

A Child Has Shed Its Hayden Panettiere Cocoon

Fun Fact: This pic is from August. Four months ago August. She’s dead. She died.
In defiance of the laws of physics, Hayden Panettiere gave birth to a baby girl, Kaya Evdokia, last Tuesday, according to PEOPLE, who spoke very little about Hayden’s current state because housewives don’t want to read about a severed torso…

The Superficial / December 15, 2014

There Is.. Another.. Fappening

NOTE: This is not a leaked photo of Kim Kardashian. This is the shit she gives away for free.

The last time I covered The Fappening our servers broke for two weeks, so if it’s Monday morning and there’s nothing but a crater where the site once was, avenge me. Now that that…

The Superficial / September 21, 2014

Hayden Panettiere Brought Her Monster Fetus #Emmys

Here’s a pregnant as fuck Hayden Panettiere at the Emmys last night where it was a goddamn miracle her unborn daughter didn’t burst out of her chest and terrorize Sigourney Weaver. Which isn’t so much a joke about the giant’s fetus inside of her (a justifiable curse for stealing his magic beans) as much it&#8217…

The Superficial / August 26, 2014

How Is Hayden Panettiere’s Baby Not Kicking Through Her Stomach Already?

Because I’m still trying to work myself up to write about Gary Oldman, here’s an increasingly pregnant (IN THE BEWWWBBSS!1) Hayden Panettiere in Italy over the weekend which I was going to post yesterday but got distracted by such pressing topics as who’s grooming Miley Cyrus’ vagina and Wiener-Tuck: A Rich Man’s Game. So enjoy…

The Superficial / June 24, 2014

Hayden Panettiere Has A Giant’s Baby Inside Of Her


The Superficial / May 28, 2014

Yellow Grimace & The 71st Annual Golden Globes

Because I wasn’t fucking around when I said we’re getting in and out of the Golden Globes, here’s the rest of the shit you might possibly, but not really, need to know. Starting with these red carpet photos, this Ronan Farrow tweet which is so awesome, he has to be Sinatra’s son:

Missed the…

The Superficial / January 13, 2014

Are Hayden Panettiere’s Implants Supposed To Look Like That?

After a rough take-off, I grew to love Hayden Panettiere’s implants, but not to the point where I forgot she’s still a woman with other body parts for me to objectify. It was a beautiful symbiotic relationship if there ever was one. Except something’s going terribly wrong because now they’re trying to suck me into…

The Superficial / November 25, 2013

Is There A Reason Hayden Panettiere’s Having Sex With JWoww In The Ocean?

“Please, I just want to get drunk with my friends. Why are you doing this?!”
“I’m the Leprechaun! Heeheehohoho!”
NOTE: I respect that the real and “factual” story here is Hayden getting her misspelled tattoo removed, but I still think it’s important to focus on the leprechaun rape. We can’t just pretend we don’t…

The Superficial / September 3, 2013

Hayden Panettiere Is More Than Just Her New Implants, You Guys, She’s Also A Butt

When you think about Hayden Panettiere, the first thing that comes to mind is her cheerleader outfit on Heroes when she was only 16. Then once you realize Chris Hansen can read thoughts, it’s how much she loves sex with giants. So, today, I’d like to propose maybe the first thing you think of from…

The Superficial / August 29, 2013

Hayden Panettiere Still Has Implants

There’s been a lot of talk in the past 24 hours about Hayden Panettiere being engaged to Wladimir Klitschko and absolutely none about how great it is that she has implants. So what? People are just supposed to assume giants are walking up to women and going, “You have beautiful character. Me marry.” You have…

The Superficial / August 15, 2013

Hayden Panettiere Is All The Excuse I Need To Post The Unrated ‘Blurred Lines’ Video

Hayden Panettiere appeared on The Graham Norton Show Friday night along with Robin Thicke and Pharrell who, according to her Twitter, talked her onstage to dance during their performance of “Blurred Lines.” In fairness, that’s the only way she’ll tell you how to find her treasure. More importantly, this gave me an excuse to embed…

The Superficial / June 10, 2013

Hayden Panettiere Will Bring Country Music To Ze Germans

Here’s Hayden Panettiere in Munich yesterday to promote the German premiere of Nashville, her ABC drama about midgets trying to break into country music and the giant penises that threaten to puncture their liver. Which is great because if there’s one thing Germans could use, it’s music promoting a blind, jingoistic love of one’s country.

The Superficial / June 4, 2013

Here’s Everyone Else(‘s Cleavage) From The 2013 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner

Posted by Photo Boy
Ridiculously dubbed “Nerd Prom” this year by people who clearly don’t understand how politicians are more like jocks than any other high school clique, the annual White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner was unsurprisingly boring since it’s a gathering of people who either know their every move is being publicly scrutinized or…

Photo Boy / April 29, 2013

Hayden Panettiere Thinks Her Body Can Survive Birthing Wladimir Klitschko’s Giant Children

“Hayden, we had sex two days ago.”
Hayden Panettiere’s in the latest issue of Glamour where she opens up about her intense desire to be a mother which I don’t even need to make a snarky comment about because here’s the size of her fiance and here’s the size of her

The Superficial / April 3, 2013

Hayden Panettiere’s Implants Make Her Look Like A Midget American Gladiator In A Bikini

Paid for by Americans Against Chicks Having Sex With Giants Because It Just Squishes Their Implants
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News

The Superficial / April 1, 2013

Hayden Panettiere Loves Giant Penis So Much She’s Marrying It (Not A Jon Hamm Post)

Presumably to make Scotty McKnight feel like he has the smallest penis in the world, Hayden Panettiere not only ran back to Wladimir Klitschko but is now secretly engaged to him, according to Us Weekly:
Hayden Panettiere and boxer Wladimir Klitschko are going the distance during round 2! The Nashville star, who reconciled with her…

The Superficial / March 27, 2013

The 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

And we’re spent with the Golden Globes already, so here’s the rest of the fancy people there including hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who based on the illegal YouTube clips I could barely understand, did an awesome job calling everyone in Hollywood crybaby assholes to their faces. But before everyone thinks they’re so witty…

The Superficial / January 14, 2013

Good Morning, Hayden Panettiere In A Bikini, And Other News

- Hayden Panettiere’s in a bikini and something about telling jokes if you somehow made it this far into the sentence. [Esquire]
– And now it’s time to come up with imaginary quotes for how Princess Di would react to Kate Middleton’s pregnancy. I’ll go first: “I shall use this child as a spear to…

The Superficial / December 13, 2012

Hayden Panettiere’s Experiment With Normal Sized Penis is Over

Posted by Photo Boy
Hayden Panettiere thought she would be just fine bouncing from Wladimir Klitschko to Scotty McKnight. But now that’s ended as well and I’d like to just say, I saw this coming. TMZ:
Sources tell us … the two broke up a couple of weeks ago … but it wasn’t a nasty…

Photo Boy / December 11, 2012

Carrie Underwood & Hayden Panettiere Were The Only Thing Interesting About The CMAs

The Awards for Horribly Bland Pop Music With A Slight Twang For White Trash To Get Teen Pregnant To were last night, and literally the only thing interesting that happened was Carrie Underwood’s dress had one of those boob window things and Hayden Panettiere looked kinda hot. Also, Taylor Swift didn’t win a single award…

The Superficial / November 2, 2012
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