Posts tagged "Gwyneth Paltrow"

The 87th Annual Academy Awards

Full Disclosure: Emma Stone and Jennifer Aniston are making this gallery look way more exciting than it really is. I genuinely feel bad tricking you with it.
By: The Superficial / February 23, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Steam Your Vagina'; Medical Science: ‘Yeah, Don’t Do That’

While Gwyneth Paltrow thinks vagina steams are just tops, actual doctors with real degrees recommend not firing vaporized herbs into your schlong cubicle.
By: The Superficial / January 29, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Side Boob Won The ‘Mortdecai’ Premiere

Gwyneth Paltrow knows a big opening weekend banks on partially exposed lady parts on the red carpet, or whatever distracts from Johnny Depp's 48 scarves, turquoise jewelry, and general odor.
By: Photo Boy / January 22, 2015

Gwyneth: ‘Men’s Insecurity Depends On How Many Blowjobs You Give Them’

"Haha! And then I said, 'Well, you're going to be insecure for a while because that's not where that thing goes!' He had sex with mostly groupies after that. It was for the best." Yesterday, Gwyneth Paltrow did an interview with Howard Stern where she said a goddamn slew of…
By: The Superficial / January 15, 2015

Marissa Mayer Wouldn’t Hire Gwyneth Paltrow Without A College Degree

While this story is ultimately one of many piss-poor business decisions that will eventually drive Yahoo! into the ground, it does involve Gwyneth Paltrow being deemed "less than," so my pants are already off. This is happening, people. Just embrace it. The New York Times reports: Even though the actress Gwyneth…
By: The Superficial / December 19, 2014

Let The War On Christmas Begin!

Last year over the Thanksgiving holiday, I wrote a giant ass review of Sarah Palin's Good Tidings And Great Joy, her bullshit book on the bullshit War on Christmas. It took me four days and over 20 hours of writing because clearly I am an idiot who hates rest and relaxation. This year,…
By: The Superficial / November 28, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow Took A Run At Martha Stewart, She Missed

Back in October, Martha Stewart dropped a nuclear pie bomb on Gwyneth Paltrow with a recipe titled "Conscious Coupling" complete with a description that took the piss right out of Gwyneth's divorce. It was a laser-guided strike expected of someone who owns a goddamn drone. But now,…
By: The Superficial / November 21, 2014

The 2014 GOOP Gift Guide Is Quintessential GOOP

We're beginning our initial descent into the maw of the holiday beast where we'll be slowly digested over the course of the next six weeks. So to speed up that process, here's the 2014 GOOP Gift Guide which promises to try and stay under $100, yet immediately starts with a $285…
By: The Superficial / November 17, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Marilyn Monroe Now

Posing as Marilyn Monroe is some Lindsay Lohan shit, so imagine my surprise to see Gwyneth Paltrow posing as her for Max Factor. This is literally the most pedestrian thing I've seen her do in my life. It'll be a miracle if they let her back into…
By: The Superficial / November 11, 2014

No Shit Gwyneth Paltrow Broke Up Chris Martin & Jennifer Lawrence

The very second Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin broke up, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out it probably had to do with the woman he's technically still married to who also has a giant ego that's about to get her face baked into a…
By: The Superficial / October 29, 2014

Jennifer Lawrence & Chris Martin Stopped F*cking

Presumably because Gwyneth Paltrow keeps Chris Martin's balls firmly ensconced in a hand-carved Sri Lankan testicle cuplet ($799.95, GOOP), his conscious coupling with Jennifer Lawrence's vagina has transcended this plane of reality, according to E! News. Plus it's not like he can't see her naked…
By: The Superficial / October 27, 2014

You Take A Run At Martha Stewart, You Best Not Miss

Last month, Martha Stewart took an open crack at Gwyneth Paltrow which apparently was the opening salvo in a turf war because bitch just went to the mattresses, and holy shit, is it a good thing. From a recipe titled "Conscious Coupling" (above) in the latest issue of Martha…
By: The Superficial / October 13, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Obama To Get Up In That

Chris Martin has a super-cool new girlfriend, so it behooves Gwyneth Paltrow to one-up him because conscious uncoupling is some hardcore shit. Which brings us to the President of the United States who, granted, is married, but if there's one thing Gwyneth has taught us it's that you ca…
By: The Superficial / October 10, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Martha Stewart Sees Me As Competition’

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, she's actually serious, isn't she? Us Weekly reports: "No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I'm shocked and devastated," Paltrow said sarcastically. "I'll try to recover," she added. "If I'm really honest, I'm so psyched that she sees us as competition. I'm so psyched. I…
By: The Superficial / October 8, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow Still Has Chris Martin Whipped

Chris Martin's consciously uncoupled life may seem awesome, and full of Jennifer Lawrence's vagina, but at the end of the day, Gwyneth Paltrow is apparently still in control of his schedule. Which still affords him time to bang Jennifer Lawrence, so already this post is on shaky…
By: The Superficial / September 24, 2014

How Dare Mere Muggles Tell Gwyneth Paltrow Not To Ride Her Vespa?!

Last year, Gwyneth Paltrow was filmed cutting off a school bus (above) with her Vespa as her daughter rode behind her because the laws of physics are a beggar's game. Except apparently the lowly mortals who call themselves "school chiefs" felt they had the authority to dictate Gwyneth's means of conveyance…
By: The Superficial / September 19, 2014

Martha Stewart Is Cutting Bitches

Martha Stewart has a drone, so right off the bat, you don't fuck with that. She's also done time, so before you think you can just waltz into her territory with your macrobiotic cranberry sauce and free-range giblet gravy served in authentic ancient Mayan finger bowls, know that vengeance is best…
By: The Superficial / September 16, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Gone Full Jew

After once referring to herself as a "Jewish princess" due to her family belonging to a Eastern European rabbinical dynasty, Gwyneth Paltrow has apparently stopped dicking around with Kabbalah and fully converted to Judaism. And before someone makes a joke about how she just wants to keep working in Hollywood, I'll…
By: The Superficial / September 5, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow Did The Ice Bucket Challenge In A Bikini, Nominates Chris Martin

With the exception of Katy Perry, and probably a few others I'm too lazy to Google, most celebrities recognize this is for charity and have been keeping their Ice Bucket Challenges relatively tame which is probably why I hate them so much. Except here's Gwyneth Paltrow doing hers i…
By: The Superficial / August 21, 2014

Jennifer Lawrence Is Banging Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Chris Martin

"Who's gettin' GOOPed now, bitch? WHA?" Gwyneth Paltrow is a wound tight, meticulous of curator macrobiotic living filtered through a sexy, breezy pashmina that only costs $25,000, so any single, working mom can afford it. Jennifer Lawrence... well, Jennifer Lawrence doesn't give a fuck. She'll fart, burp, make a demon face…
By: The Superficial / August 15, 2014
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