Posts tagged "Gwyneth Paltrow"

Gwyneth Paltrow F*cks Herself Into Shape, According To Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow looks like Gwyneth Paltrow because of all the sex she has, so you have that information now.

By: The Superficial / May 20, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Now A Simple Commoner With A Commoner’s Divorce

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin signed divorce papers. They’re one of us now.

By: The Superficial / April 21, 2015

Chicken Made Gwyneth Paltrow Quit The Food Stamp Challenge

Gwyneth Paltrow claims she quit four days into her Food Bank Challenge because of chicken. Chicken made her do it.

By: The Superficial / April 17, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Food Stamp Challenge Was Bullshit? Why I Never

Gwyneth Paltrow has already been spotted at two LA restaurants after agreeing to take Mario Batali's food stamp challenge and live on only $29 worth of food.

By: The Superficial / April 16, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Eating Like A Poor Person? The Gwyneth Paltrow?

Gwyneth Paltrow will only eat $29 worth of food for a week as part of Mario Batali’s NYC Food Bank Challenge. She’ll be dead by continental brunch.

By: The Superficial / April 10, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Still Having Sex With Someone, Too, You Guys

On the heels of Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence revealing they’re still dating, Gwyneth Paltrow goes public with her new boyfriend, too, because ‘conscious uncoupling’ totally wasn’t a crock of shit.

By: The Superficial / April 8, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow Is ‘Incredibly Close’ To The ‘Common Woman’

Gwyneth Paltrow and the common woman are apparently tight. Not unlike prom night.

By: The Superficial / March 18, 2015

The 87th Annual Academy Awards

Full Disclosure: Emma Stone and Jennifer Aniston are making this gallery look way more exciting than it really is. I genuinely feel bad tricking you with it.

By: The Superficial / February 23, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Steam Your Vagina’; Medical Science: ‘Yeah, Don’t Do That’

While Gwyneth Paltrow thinks vagina steams are just tops, actual doctors with real degrees recommend not firing vaporized herbs into your schlong cubicle.

By: The Superficial / January 29, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Side Boob Won The ‘Mortdecai’ Premiere

Gwyneth Paltrow knows a big opening weekend banks on partially exposed lady parts on the red carpet, or whatever distracts from Johnny Depp’s 48 scarves, turquoise jewelry, and general odor.

By: Photo Boy / January 22, 2015

Gwyneth: ‘Men’s Insecurity Depends On How Many Blowjobs You Give Them’

“Haha! And then I said, ‘Well, you’re going to be insecure for a while because that’s not where that thing goes!’ He had sex with mostly groupies after that. It was for the best.”

Yesterday, Gwyneth Paltrow did an interview with Howard Stern where she said a goddamn slew of quintessential Gwyneth Paltrow

By: The Superficial / January 15, 2015

Marissa Mayer Wouldn’t Hire Gwyneth Paltrow Without A College Degree

While this story is ultimately one of many piss-poor business decisions that will eventually drive Yahoo! into the ground, it does involve Gwyneth Paltrow being deemed “less than,” so my pants are already off. This is happening, people. Just embrace it. The New York Times reports:

Even though the actress Gwyneth Paltrow had…

By: The Superficial / December 19, 2014

Let The War On Christmas Begin!

Last year over the Thanksgiving holiday, I wrote a giant ass review of Sarah Palin’s Good Tidings And Great Joy, her bullshit book on the bullshit War on Christmas. It took me four days and over 20 hours of writing because clearly I am an idiot who hates rest and relaxation. This year, Kirk Cameron

By: The Superficial / November 28, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow Took A Run At Martha Stewart, She Missed

Back in October, Martha Stewart dropped a nuclear pie bomb on Gwyneth Paltrow with a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” complete with a description that took the piss right out of Gwyneth’s divorce. It was a laser-guided strike expected of someone who owns a goddamn drone. But now, a month and a half later, Gwyneth Paltrow…

By: The Superficial / November 21, 2014

The 2014 GOOP Gift Guide Is Quintessential GOOP

We’re beginning our initial descent into the maw of the holiday beast where we’ll be slowly digested over the course of the next six weeks. So to speed up that process, here’s the 2014 GOOP Gift Guide which promises to try and stay under $100, yet immediately starts with a $285 zipper wallet that some…

By: The Superficial / November 17, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Marilyn Monroe Now

Posing as Marilyn Monroe is some Lindsay Lohan shit, so imagine my surprise to see Gwyneth Paltrow posing as her for Max Factor. This is literally the most pedestrian thing I’ve seen her do in my life. It’ll be a miracle if they let her back into Britain. Or the ivory bazaar. Then where will…

By: The Superficial / November 11, 2014

No Shit Gwyneth Paltrow Broke Up Chris Martin & Jennifer Lawrence

The very second Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin broke up, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it probably had to do with the woman he’s technically still married to who also has a giant ego that’s about to get her face baked into a quiche. So let’s get this other with. Via…

By: The Superficial / October 29, 2014

Jennifer Lawrence & Chris Martin Stopped F*cking

Presumably because Gwyneth Paltrow keeps Chris Martin’s balls firmly ensconced in a hand-carved Sri Lankan testicle cuplet ($799.95, GOOP), his conscious coupling with Jennifer Lawrence‘s vagina has transcended this plane of reality, according to E! News. Plus it’s not like he can’t see her naked anytime he wan- what? We’re all thinking it. And I’m…

By: The Superficial / October 27, 2014

You Take A Run At Martha Stewart, You Best Not Miss

Last month, Martha Stewart took an open crack at Gwyneth Paltrow which apparently was the opening salvo in a turf war because bitch just went to the mattresses, and holy shit, is it a good thing. From a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” (above) in the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living:

Every Thanksgiving…

By: The Superficial / October 13, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Obama To Get Up In That

Chris Martin has a super-cool new girlfriend, so it behooves Gwyneth Paltrow to one-up him because conscious uncoupling is some hardcore shit. Which brings us to the President of the United States who, granted, is married, but if there’s one thing Gwyneth has taught us it’s that you can cut monogamy out just like gluten.

By: The Superficial / October 10, 2014
Page 1 of 9