Eric Johnson


More Eric Johnson stories

The Name’s Penis. Jessica Penis.

Jessica Simpson loves having a penis for a last name. More »

Jessica Simpson To Christie Brinkley: ‘You Made My Husband Jizz LOL’

Jessica Simpson is a case study in classy. More »

Jessica Simpson Was Christie Brinkley For Halloween? Why Not?

Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson didn’t even hire Rick Baker? Heidi Klum will have them for breakfast. More »

Jessica Simpson Apparently Saw ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson star in #FIFTYSHADESOFJOHNSON. (Yup, you just read that.) More »

Someone Invited Jessica Simpson To ‘The Hunger Games’ Premiere

The Hunger Games is about a dystopian future where the rich eat all of the food leaving the poor to starve unless they shoot each other in the dicks with bows and arrows. Those words also describe every Tuesday night at the Chili’s near Jessica Simpson’s house. Are you seeing the irony now?

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Jessica Simpson’s Baby Is High As Shit

Everybody shut up about everything: Eric Johnson throwing Jessica Simpson’s baby 80 feet in the air is your new shiny object. Is it the cutest thing ever, or the launchpad for a thousand mommy blog posts on child tossing? The world’s your oyster here. As for me, I’m using it to link to photos of… More »

That’s Jessica Johnson To You

Because weird Instagram photos that she actually thinks are sexy is Jessica Simpson’s new bag, here she is announcing to the word that she’s Jessica Johnson now. Which seems sad at first, until you realize there’s no possible way anyone could’ve explained what a mark is without her going, “Haha! That’s a boy’s name.” Then… More »

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