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Lindsay Lohan Is Engaged, Probably

Lindsay Lohan finally found her whale.

The Superficial | April 13, 2016 - 11:00 am

Blac Chyna & Rob Kardashian Got Engaged Or Some Shit

Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian are engaged if anyone cares. Which you shouldn’t.

The Superficial | April 5, 2016 - 9:59 am

Mariah Carey’s Crazy Breasts Snagged A Billionaire

Mariah Carey got engaged to billionaire James Packer, so let’s check in with her breast, shall we?

Photo Boy | January 22, 2016 - 12:15 pm

I Think Miley Cyrus Is Engaged Again, Call It A Hunch

Have you seen Miley Cyrus’ ring? Her ENGAGEMENT ring?

The Superficial | January 19, 2016 - 11:30 am

Ian Somerhalder’s Engaged To Not Nina Dobrev

Posted by Photo Boy

Despite what my body and athletic prowess would suggest, I am not a 13 year-old girl, so the only thing I know about Ian Somerhalder is that he’s the guy who tried to bang Dawson in The Rules of Attraction and I used to put pics of his smarmy…

Photo Boy | January 16, 2015 - 11:30 am

Benedict Cumberbatch Is Engaged, I’m So Very Sorry For Your Loss

Presumably in an attempt to foil the Internet and anyone born after 1991, Benedict Cumberbatch announced his engagement to theater director Sophie Hunter in the “births, deaths and marriages column” of the print edition of The Times, according to PEOPLE. As for why I didn’t bother to post a picture of her, does she look…

The Superficial | November 5, 2014 - 9:00 am

Amanda Bynes Is Accusing Her Dad of Being A ‘Sexual Predator’ Again

And here we go again. I’d like to personally dedicate this shitstorm that took less than 24 hours to form to the judge who released Amanda Bynes even after her doctors said she was “severely ill.” Well played, your honor. This couldn’t be going better. Via Twitter: …

The Superficial | October 31, 2014 - 12:47 pm

Amanda Bynes Caught Shoplifiting Twice In One Day

So the first time Amanda Bynes was caught shoplifting yesterday, it could’ve been an honest mistake because she’s crazy and easily distracted. Except not even a few hours later, she got caught again only this time because she doesn’t think she has to pay for goods and services which also checks out because have I…

The Superficial | October 9, 2014 - 12:40 pm

Amanda Bynes Has A Microchip In Her Head, According To Amanda Bynes

In a new interview with In Touch who I’m pretty sure are just following her around with a tape recorder while she’s talking to herself, Amanda Bynes claims she has a microchip in her head, so if you happen to have a particularly flammable dog, now would be a good time to bring it inside:…

The Superficial | October 8, 2014 - 1:59 pm

Amanda Bynes Is Engaged To A 19-Year-Old Kid From A Bait Shop Now

When we last left Amanda Bynes, she was tweeting from a secret account after getting kicked out of fashion school and arrested for DUI. And since she’s still not back under a conservatorship, shit’s only spiraling further out of control because she’s already fled to New York and is giving interviews where she claims she’s…

The Superficial | October 7, 2014 - 11:06 am

Bear Grylls Proposed To His Wife With A Ring That’d Been Up His Ass

It’s been a contentious past couple of days, so for a change of pace, here’s a romantic tale of true love and the butthole-concealed engagement ring that bound two souls together. The scene? Bear Grylls and his now-wife Shara skinny-dipping in the ocean where one of them hides a secret that will change their lives…

The Superficial | September 25, 2014 - 10:08 am

An Excuse To Post The Alice Eve Topless GIF? On It

Alice Eve reportedly got engaged to her high school sweetheart, but instead of talking about whatever the hell I just said back there, I’m going to remember all those times her breasts were on the site while they were promoting Star Trek Into Darkness, and I’d gratuitously add this topless GIF because I still believed…

The Superficial | August 15, 2014 - 12:22 pm

Courtney Stodden & Doug Hutchison Are Engaged Again Despite Never Getting Divorced

Courtney Stodden has been rapidly fading from relevancy yet is remarkably determined to not just throw in the towel and do porn which makes her a better person than Farrah Abraham. Then again, so is this bagel. Anyway, in a successful (because I’m a cheap clickwhore) Hail Mary pass to get back in the press,…

The Superficial | August 12, 2014 - 3:05 pm

It’s Jeff Goldblum’s 31-Year-Old Fiancee In A Bikini

“Hey, everyone look at my new wife I found!”
“Thank you, sir, I was out there for weeks after falling from that boat. I’m so very hungry.”
“Isn’t she lovely?”
“Sir, please, I’m losing consciousness.”
“Wanna see me kiss her?!”

Yup, nailed it.

Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Superficial | July 16, 2014 - 1:10 pm

George Clooney Got Engaged

“Mr. Clooney, you’re aware that marriage means no new vagina, correct?
“I’m sorry, you said what now?”

Posted by Photo Boy

I guess today is going to just be crazy old white guys be crazy day with the news that George Clooney got engaged to Amal Alamuddin. Here’s as close…

Photo Boy | April 28, 2014 - 11:30 am

Jenny McCarthy & Donnie Wahlberg Got Engaged

Jenny McCarthy is a reckless fartbag of dumb who’s at least partially responsible for the death of thousands of children, but she has big tits and a working vagina, so that’s good enough for me, says four out of five penises including Donnie Wahlberg’s who just proposed to her. People reports:

Jenny McCarthy…

The Superficial | April 16, 2014 - 11:56 am

Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are Engaged. Goddammit.

Posted by Photo Boy

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher haven’t publicly confirmed that they’re engaged, but yesterday she was wearing a huge rock and all the “reputable” outlets, like E! Online are reporting it, so yep, I guess this is happening. Our conquering alien overlords would later find this ancient text buried in…

Photo Boy | February 28, 2014 - 10:00 am

Charlie Sheen Wants Everyone To Stop Calling His Porn Star Fiancee A Porn Star

This fiancee right here. (Adding… Haha! The sink’s like a dick.)

Charlie Sheen got engaged to Brett Rossi last weekend which was widely reported along with the fact that she’s a porn star. Except not anymore because Charlie Sheen’s making an honest woman out of her, and everyone knows that makes some sort…

The Superficial | February 25, 2014 - 12:59 pm

Charlie Sheen Is Engaged To This

Because coke and money are a currency unto themselves (wait), TMZ reports Charlie Sheen is engaged to Brett Rossi, a “former” porn star if such a thing ever existed which it doesn’t. This will be Charlie’s fourth marriage, and Brett’s 800th penis to go into her for money, so I don’t need to tell you…

The Superficial | February 18, 2014 - 10:07 am

This Is Engaged To Adam Brody

Dear God,

I know we haven’t exactly been on speaking terms, so I’ll make this quick: I’m going to shit on your foot. I’m going to squat down, look you right in the eye, and shit on your foot. There’ll be no words, no polite hello, just me shitting directly on your foot.

The Superficial | November 20, 2013 - 12:36 pm
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