Ellen DeGeneres


More Ellen DeGeneres stories

Yo, What’d Y’All Do To #BBare? Jigga’s Gone SOFT!

Justin Bieber is sorry, y’all. He’s gonna be super-sensitive from here on out, boo. Totes for realsies. More »

Justin Bieber Can’t Get Laid Because He Looks Like Ellen Now

“Are you my mommy?”
“Shut up and smile, twinky. I eat twat-farts like you for breakfast.”

Posted by Photo Boy

Most of the time when I’m thinking about the world and why it’s awful, Justin Bieber comes up. Today must be the exception, because according to “onlookers,” who in no… More »

Selena Gomez Walks Around Her House Naked

After every awful post about child predators, or in this case the authors who defend them, I like to try and bring eveybody back to a happy place. So here’s Selena Gomez telling Ellen she likes to walk naked around her new, Justin Bieber-free house. As for what you’re supposed to do with that information,… More »

Shia LaBeouf Just Had An Existential Crisis, You Guys, He’s All Better

For roughly two years now, counting the Marilyn Manson and butterflies on his penis days, Shia LaBeouf has been a walking performance art twatwaffle who mostly was just plagiarizing anything he could get his hands on. Eventually all of that culminated in him being arrested at a Broadway performance of Cabaret for slapping people’s assesMore »

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Talking About Her Vagina Again

While promoting Iron Man 3, Gwyneth Paltrow got shitfaced drunk and called into an Australian radio show where she elaborated on her comments to Ellen about shaving her 70s bush to make her ass window red carpet look work. So here she is on Ellen talking about her shorn lady drapes again because Gwyneth Paltrow… More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Sacrificed Her 70’s Bush For You, The Ungrateful Masses

Posted by Photo Boy

Apparently getting crowned World’s Most Beautiful Woman comes at a terrible price as Gwyneth Paltrow recently found out just before unleashing her side-butt on the world at the LA premiere of Iron Man 3. Her vagina fro, while healthy and fortified by the natural compounds of her daily buckwheat… More »

Jessica Simpson’s Going To Have A Third Baby

During an interview with Ryan Seacrest this morning, Jessica Simpson tried to pretend she’s not going to try to have a third baby but couldn’t even fool herself. Via E! News:

“I really hope that it stops,” the Fashion Star mentor told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio program when the subject about… More »

The 55th Annual Grammy Awards

“I was told this was filled with Boston cream, not seeing any.”

Here’s the rest of The 55th Annual Grammy Awards that doesn’t involve Katy Perry’s awesome breasts, Kat Dennings’ almost-as-awesome breasts, evidence in Rihanna’s murder or Jennifer Lopez’s dress making it look like she has huge, giant testicles. Except now I’ve completely… More »

Katy Perry Is The Only Two Things That Mattered At The Grammys. The Only Two Things.

If you follow The Superficial on Facebook and Twitter, then you have a ginormously long penis and already knew to skip the Grammys and wait patiently for pics of Katy Perry’s giant breasts because they’re the only thing worthwhile that happened. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to post stupid shit like Chris BrownMore »

Lindsay Lohan Bailed On Ellen

Lindsay Lohan managed to talk Playboy down to only making her do one promotional appearance for her cover issue which was supposed to happen yesterday on Ellen, and you’ll never guess how that went. Gossip Cop reports:

Gossip Cop has learned the actress did NOT board her flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles. More »

Jennifer Aniston Cured Perez Hilton

Jennifer Aniston appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres show today where she revealed she’s the one who transformed Perez Hilton into a kinder, gentler blogger hirer of ghostwriters instructed to dangle from Lady GaGa’s veal drapes:

Ellen: We should talk about Perez Hilton because Perez Hilton was a guy who was doing some nasty… More »

Why Jennifer Love Hewitt Isn’t Married

Jennifer Love Hewitt will appear on today’s The Ellen DeGeneres Show where she’ll think it’s absolutely adorable to let men know she already has three specific engagement rings picked out and will lose her shit if you buy something else:

Ellen: Is this correct, you have a ring picked out for when you… More »

Snooki Wakes Up in Trash Cans

To promote her book, “A Shore Thing,” Snooki appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres show today (above), and the good people at Warner Bros. were kind enough to send me over an excerpt of their conversation. What follows is pretty much everything you’d expect from an alcoholic midget who somehow keeps being shoved in front of… More »

Randy Jackson is Still on American Idol

Figured that was the easiest way to start this post.

In the past 12 hours huge shake-ups have occurred on American Idol in case you hadn’t noticed from all the screaming and gnashing of teeth everywhere you turn. Ellen DeGeneres quit and now Kara DioGuardi has been fired to make way for an… More »

Ellen DeGeneres is your new Paula Abdul

Ellen DeGeneres has signed on to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol, according to People:

“DeGeneres will sit alongside Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi and offer her own unique perspective to the contestants throughout the competition,” Fox television says in a statement.
DeGeneres, 51, begins her stint after the audition… More »

Lindsay Lohan talks to Ellen about break up

Lindsay Lohan stopped by The Ellen DeGeneres show to talk about all things vagina and her recent lack thereof thanks to Samantha Ronson kicking her to the curb. E! News reports:

“I had no idea what was going on,” Lohan recalled of the days leading up to her admission to E! News that she… More »

Hayden Panettiere flashes her ‘panties’ for Ellen DeGeneres

Hayden Panettiere stopped by The Ellen Show where, on a dare, she flashed a pair of boxer briefs that read “Ellen” around the waist. While it sounds hot, the whole scene was awkwardly random and over as soon as it began. I included the video after the jump and, fortunately, the flashing goes down within… More »

Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi lesbian wed

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi made good on their promise to immediately wed once the ban against gay marriage was deemed unconstitutional in California. Somewhere, John McCain just went “Huh? What? I want tapioca.” People reports:

“Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi were married tonight in an intimate ceremony at their home in… More »

Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi getting married while the gettin’s good

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are taking immediate advantage of the California Supreme Court ruling that struck down the ban on gay marriage. The two plan to wed according to a spy for TMZ who was on the set for the latest episode of Ellen that will air today:

She surprised everyone and… More »

Ashlee Simpson is milking those pregnancy rumors

Ashlee Simpson continued to play cute about the rumors that she’s pregnant. You know, the ones that conveniently started spreading around the release of her new album. When asked if she was pregnant on Ellen Degeneres today, Ashlee wouldn’t give a definitive answer. God willing, she’ll be able to milk this until her… More »

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