Deena Cortese


More Deena Cortese stories

MTV Cancelled ‘Jersey Shore’

You might say they jet-packed the shark. — I’ll go kill myself now.

Speaking of New Jersey being the pride of America, MTV has finally decided to pull the plug on Jersey Shore which is really the only acceptable response to one of these kids successfully reproducing that doesn’t involve a shotgun and… More »

Public Service Announcement: Herpes is Airborne Now. Repeat. Herpes is Airborne Now.

“And so, gentlemen, what I propose is this: We take young men and women of ill repute who have over time acquired a myriad of diseases transmitted from intercourse, adorn them in provocative swimwear so as to be pleasing to the eye and then give them all jetpacks. From there, America’s shores will crumble pavingMore »

Deena Cortese Won’t Stop Wearing Bikinis And Other News

- Chivettes Bored At Work still won’t make me want to work in an office. But good effort. [theCHIVE]

- Prince William is 30 now which just made a bunch of people feel really old. [Lainey Gossip]

- 21 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity (Needs more Kate Upton.)… More »

Jersey Shore’s Deena Arrested For Drunkenly Slapping Cars

In her defense, I’m sober and it even took me an hour to realize she’s not hugging Snooki.

While filming an episode of Jersey Shore yesterday, Deena Cortese apparently looked down at her script and saw the words, “You’re the one who gets arrested this season,” so here she is horse-hammered drunk before… More »

How Does One Bikini Hold All That Sexy? And
Other News

- Ryan Gosling takes Eva Mendes to his mom’s college graduation. [Lainey Gossip]

- Video Game Logic Is Hilarious When You Think About It [theCHIVE]

- Lindsay Lohan is causing “audible gasps” as Elizabeth Taylor. [Dlisted]

- 28 Ways “Sex And The City” Would Be Different If It WereMore »

VMAS: All This Should’ve Died In The Hurricane, But Noooooooo

To further emphasize the fact it hasn’t showed music videos in over a decade yet still give out awards for them because its viewers just want to stare at moving pictures of anything, literally anything, MTV not only invited the cast of Jersey Shore (Minus The Situation who’s apparently going to shit into the hand… More »

Jersey Shore’s Deena Banged A Chick

Welcome to the Sex Buffet. Population: Ladies.

While filming in Italy, Jersey Shore’s Deena somehow managed to hook up with a chick The Situation brought home for himself, so I think it’s safe to say these kids are carting home cadavers now. That’s the only explanation here. Via Us Magazine:

Unfortunately… More »

You Can Put Lipstick On a Pig…

Which is really all I had to say, you can put lipstick on a pig. And they did. Ladies?

Photo: Splash NewsMore »

Deena Cortese Gave Us a Parting Gift

Sad news, everybody. The cast of Jersey Shore moved out of the beach house for the last time yesterday leaving a cannoli-shaped hole in our hearts that can only be filled with tanning oil and the clap. Fortunately, Deena Cortese saw fit to bless us one last time with the majestic brown canyon she calls… More »

So Who Wants To Gaze Into The Eye of Satan? Anyone?

And we got a taker.

What you’re looking at is Deena Cortese shopping in Jersey with no underwear on yesterday, and against my regard for public safety and ocular integrity, I made the uncensored version available because I really don’t want to Big Brother you guys if I can help it. That said,… More »

Apparently This Day Can Get Sexier

You know what I admire most about the creators of Jersey Shore? They dared to look at Snooki and say, “What if we had two drunk, slutty Ewoks?” And yet no Emmy nom. God, I hate this country.

Photo: Splash NewsMore »

Our Forefathers Fought For This

Yes, gentlemen, the rumors are true: You can get gay-married in New York! Huzzah!

Like a scene out of Block-Shaped Sluts 6, Snooki and Deena Cortese celebrated the Fourth of July weekend by getting so sloppy Cannoli-shit-hammered, Snooki had to be carried off the beach, again, while Deena raped innocent bystanders using nothing… More »

Snooki Crashed Into a Police Car

“Issa okay, Mr. DeVito. I no tella the people you a famous movie star.”

Because cop-killin’ tastes likes pickles, yo, Snooki managed to crash her car directly into the Italian police escort tasked to keep her safe Monday afternoon, leaving two officers in the hospital. Of course, in everyone’s defense, who could’ve honestly… More »

‘Jersey Shore’ is Going to Be About Ronnie and Sammi Fighting Again

If you actually thought the new season of Jersey Shore in Italy was finally going to have a different storyline that’s not Ronnie and Sammi fighting every goddamn second, surprise! They’re back together. Now that I’ve crushed the hopes and dreams of anyone stupid enough to watch the show, here’s Deena Cortese with a penisMore »

You Have To Be Kidding Me…

Because there’s not enough strife and cause for alarm in the world these days, the stars of Jersey Shore and Teen Mom were allowed to have a “girls’ night out” in New York City yesterday, effectively forming a three-headed hydra that can only be stopped by firing a morning after pill into its heart. There… More »

Happy Labor Day Weekend, Everybody…

… MTV actually managed to find another beast in the same species as Snooki and pays it more than you make in a year for just one episode. (That should get you drinking.) U-S-A!

See you Tuesday,

– The Superficial

NOTE: I’ll be rekinding my drug-like addiction with FormspringMore »