Posts tagged "Court"

Lindsay Lohan: ‘Shaking People’s Hands Is Community Service’

Lindsay Lohan is in deep shit after submitting progress reports that count meet and greets with fans as community service and include dates that put her in two places at once.

By: The Superficial / January 28, 2015

Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Virus’ Is Excuse To Get Out Of Jail, And There It Is

In a shocking turn of events, Lindsay Lohan’s mosquito virus bullshit turned out to be a lie to get out of completing her court-ordered community service. Will the judge give her an extension? Will she land back in jail? Will she blow someone, anyone to make this all go away or for cash or drugs?

By: Photo Boy / January 23, 2015

Everybody Cross Your Fingers, Chris Brown Might Go Back To Jail

Posted by Photo Boy

Just two Chris Brown posts ago, I suggested he violated his probation by being present at not one, but two incidents where people got shot. Turns out I’m a legal genius, because at a progress hearing yesterday his probation officer recommended that Chris go back to jail and who care…

By: Photo Boy / January 16, 2015

Everything With Amanda Bynes Is Still Awful

For those of you who need a constant update on how Amanda Bynes‘ life is specifically falling through the cracks of our failed mental health system, according to TMZ, she’s currently living off of $50 to $100 AmEx gift cards doled out by her parents who secured a conservatorship over her finances. Apparently their pla…

By: The Superficial / November 4, 2014

Amanda Bynes Caught Shoplifiting Twice In One Day

So the first time Amanda Bynes was caught shoplifting yesterday, it could’ve been an honest mistake because she’s crazy and easily distracted. Except not even a few hours later, she got caught again only this time because she doesn’t think she has to pay for goods and services which also checks out because have I…

By: The Superficial / October 9, 2014

Oscar Pistorius Guilty of Culpable Homicide, Not Going To Jail

“Should I begin making with the snot?”
“Nah, kid, you ain’t going to jail. Save it for outside.”

Yesterday, Oscar Pistorius was found not guilty of murder despite firing a gun four times into a closed bathroom killing his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp who he “thought was an intruder” after just talking to…

By: The Superficial / September 12, 2014

Oscar Pistorius Found Not Guilty of Murder

Just in case you think America is the only country where famous athletes can basically do whatever they want to women with little to no consequence, Oscar Pistorius was just acquitted of murder of his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp after shooting her four times through a closed bathroom door on Valentine’s Day. The LA Times reports:…

By: The Superficial / September 11, 2014

Lindsay Lohan’s Miscarriage Excuse Worked, It Actually Worked

If Lindsay Lohan were you or I, she would’ve lied about having a miscarriage in court documents and subsequently found herself guilty of perjury. Instead, she was handed $150,000 and sent packing to Cannes because God is dead. TMZ reports:

According to new legal docs, Lindsay’s clothing label 6126 struck the settlement agreement

By: The Superficial / May 20, 2014

Lindsay Lohan Won’t Swear Under Oath That She Had A Miscarriage Now

Because, in her mind, saying she had a miscarriage got her out of a bunch of shit with her reality show, Lindsay Lohan decided to play that card again in her lawsuit against 6126 that she lost because didn’t file papers in time. (Why couldn’t she get them in? Miscarriage!) Except now 6126’s lawyers want…

By: The Superficial / May 14, 2014

Your Feel Good Post Of The Day: Chris Brown’s Still In Jail & Donald Sterling Has Cancer

Posted by Photo Boy

It looks like Donald Sterling‘s lifetime ban from the NBA might end sooner than expected with the news that he’s battling prostate cancer. I’ll pause while everyone decides to react with “Well, that is terrible, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone,” instead of what really initially popped into all…

By: Photo Boy / May 2, 2014

Selena Gomez Got Served

Remember a few weeks back when Justin Bieber sat down for a deposition and acted like Prince Joffrey if Prince Joffrey genuinely believed he’s black and needed a nap? Well, here’s the end result of that bitchassness: Selena Gomez getting served right in front of the paparazzi which will undoubtedly make her want not to…

By: The Superficial / March 31, 2014

Chris. Brown. Is. In. JAAAAAAAAAAAILLLLLL.

“Why do all these words say ‘Punch Rihanna until the demons stop?’ Seems strange for a legal document…”

For those of you wondering what’s taken me this long to cover this, you’ll be surprised to learn that I didn’t hire Photo Boy for his speed and efficiency in mopping up gallons of seme…

By: The Superficial / March 18, 2014

Selena Gomez Ain’t Ever Gonna Roll On #BBare

Dare seems to be a recurrent theme dat Selena Gomez will one day roll on my boy B-Bare bringin’ down his criminal empire when he ain’t even begun to rule dis world like iron-fisted gangsta he was born to be. Except nuny’all are takin’ into account that my boy called her an elegant princess. ELEGANT.

By: The Superficial / March 12, 2014

Justin Bieber Really Is An Awful Little Shithead

I’m not even going to bother with the Biebonics in this post because nothing I can write will even come close to the shit coming out of Justin Bieber‘s mouth in real life. So here he is during a deposition for the lawsuit filed by a photographer who claims Bieber ordered his bodyguards to beat

By: The Superficial / March 11, 2014

Teresa & Joe Giudice Are Going To Jail

When we last left Teresa Giudice and her half-pug-person husband Joe, they were beating the shit out of photographers while on their way to court to fight 39 counts of bank fraud and tax evasion. A fight that apparently didn’t go very well because this morning they pleaded guilty to enough charges that they’ll both…

By: The Superficial / March 4, 2014

Don’t Be Rollin’ Up on Justin #Bbare Talkin’ Bout No Plea Deal Like You Got Somethin’

It’s been a mothafuckin’ minute since I broke it off to you ’bout my boy Justin B-BARE, Canada’s original, harder den a Maple Leaf sons of anarchy who be racin’ dem honies and bangin’ dem cars, so let me brings you all up to speed on Da Hosin’ You With Dat Syrup One as he…

By: The Superficial / February 24, 2014

Aw, Shit, Here Comes The Hardest Motherf*cker On The Planet

When you hire a lawyer like Roy Black who famously helped William Kennedy Smith duck rape charges in 1991, so I have no idea why Justin Bieber would have his number on hand, none at all, you should probably be very concerned if he doesn’t tell you to roll down your fucking sleeves and sto…

By: The Superficial / January 23, 2014

Chris Brown Got Kicked Out of Rehab For Throwing A Rock At His Mom’s Car Window

Let’s start from the beginning. Three weeks ago, Chris Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting a man for photobombing him – Yup. – then preemptively checked himself into rehab for anger management to try and duck violating his probation. Barely two weeks later, Chris’ lawyer told everyone he voluntarily checked himself out to finish the…

By: The Superficial / November 21, 2013

George Zimmerman’s Guns Just Got Taken Away

Yesterday George Zimmerman was arrested for domestic violence which I’m sure we’ll find out was just a couple having an argument just like the rest of us. Right, gun lovers? Right. Via The Orlando Sentinel:

George Zimmerman was arrested Monday after he cocked and pointed a shotgun at his girlfriend, shattered a glass-to…

By: The Superficial / November 19, 2013

Dear Charlie Sheen, You’re Charlie Sheen

When we last left the debacle over Charlie Sheen‘s twins that Denise Richards has been raising because their mother Brooke Mueller is a crack addict and their father is Charlie Sheen, Denise was refusing to continue temporary custody of the boys unless Brooke agreed to let them receive psychiatric counseling. A fair request considering they…

By: The Superficial / November 11, 2013
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