Chuck Lorre


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Charlie Sheen Weighs In On Angus T. Jones, Blames Chuck Lorre, Of Course

“I wonder who created the universe…”
“I wonder who’s going to bury that hooker I hit with a mace…”

In a surprising display of restraint, Charlie Sheen waited almost 24 hours before inevitably weighing in on his former Two And A Half Men co-star Angus T. Jones finding Jesus and shitting allMore »

Charlie Sheen Didn’t Even Know What The Word ‘Warlock’ Meant

“You losers can’t touch me. I’M A CUISINART!”

If I haven’t made it smugly clear by now, one of my greatest pleasures is watching Charlie Sheen admit he was completely out of his mind last year during the whole #WINNING/goddesses fiasco that everyone thought was some grand performance piece and/or a legitimate act… More »

Ashton Kutcher Got a Haircut and Other News

Posted by Photo Boy

- Blue Ivy joins this prestigious list of celebrity offspring saddled with the passive-aggressive hatred their parents feel as a result of the burden of child-rearing. [theCHIVE]

– And here’s where the blessed miracle of Beyonce giving birth happened. [TMZ]

- Katy Perry is turning… More »

Charlie Sheen Responds to Ashton Kutcher Casting

“In coke-filled day, in hooker-less night, nothing shall escape my Warlock sight.”

Clearly, Charlie Sheen has only just now lodged his head out of a goddess’s catcher’s mitt of a vagina because it’s taken him over 18 hours to issue a crazy reaction to Ashton Kutcher replacing him on Two and a HalfMore »

Ashton Kutcher is Getting Paid Way Less Than Charlie Sheen

Presumably because of all the scarf-wearing, Ashton Kutcher will reportedly make considerably less than Charlie Sheen’s salary on Two and a Half Men, according to TMZ:

Sources tell TMZ, Charlie’s base pay on the show was $1.25 million an episode. We’ve learned Ashton will get more than half — more than $625,000 –… More »

Ashton Kutcher Replacing Charlie Sheen on ‘Two and a Half Men’

“Remember, Desmond Hume is your constant.” Wait, wrong bearded guy.

If you’re like me, you just assumed Charlie Sheen appearing on Entourage would be the most douche-filled casting news you’d hear all week and got to work engraving the trophy. Well, put down that chisel, mon frere, for au contraire, according to TheMore »

Charlie Sheen Writes Open Letter About ‘Two and a Half Men.’ Surprise, It’s Crazy.

“Mm.. eh.. licking your lips is winning.”

With reports coming in that Two and a Half Men is most likely going to be canceled completely, Charlie Sheen felt this would be a great time to send an open letter to Chuck Lorre via TMZ gloating that’s his absence caused the show’s demise:
More »

Warner Bros: ‘Charlie Sheen is a Lying Junkie’

Speaking of delusional coke-addicts who think just saying shit makes it real, Charlie Sheen has made it a habit lately to say he’s “in discussions” to come back to Two and a Half Men. Probably because people keep walking out of his stage show, and yesterday he got greedy and asked for two blowjobs, setting… More »

Charlie Sheen Has ‘No Chance’ of Returning to ‘Two and a Half Men’

Earlier in the week, a story began circulating that CBS was looking to rehire Charlie Sheen and resume production on Two and a Half Men. The source was RadarOnline, who’s been Charlie’s PR machine since this whole ordeal began, so naturally it turned out to be bullshit. TMZ reports:

Fact is … Charlie… More »

Charlie Sheen Went On Top of a Building With a Machete

“And this, my peoples, is what I shall use to cut your childrens throats- Wait. Wrong speech. This, my peoples, is what I will use to cut the whores. There, much better.”

After being fired from Two and a Half Men yesterday, Charlie Sheen decided to go on top of the Live Nation… More »

Kendra in Short Shorts Almost Had Nothing To Do With Charlie Sheen

I’m going to lay my cards on the table here: It was either photos of Kendra Wilkinson leaving her Dancing With the Stars workout in tiny shorts, or a Charlie Sheen post about Warner Bros. officially firing him from Two and a Half Men despite his secret efforts to try and return to a ChuckMore »

Apparently Charlie Sheen is Winning

When we last left Charlie Sheen he was not only claiming to be clean and sober, but hooked on a drug so powerful “if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body,” The name of that drug? Charlie Sheen. Snort forward to… More »

Charlie Sheen is Snorting Nothing But Pure, Colombian Charlie Sheen

Because there’s absolutely no way I can keep up with Charlie Sheen on top of covering the Oscars tonight – Think chasing the Road Runner, but he also has the rocket car and twenty sticks of dynamite. – here’s a quick recap of Charlie’s latest antics as of this post. Except by the time I… More »

Bree Olson is a Helper

While Charlie Sheen spent his morning texting Good Morning America that he’s still showing up for work on Tuesday because you’re not winning if you don’t have hostages, Bree Olson put on her publicist hat and tweeted the least suspicious thing I’ve ever read in my life:

I don’t do drugs and neither… More »

Charlie Sheen: ‘HBO Will Pay Me $50 Million For My Fire-Breathing Fists’

For those of you just tuning in, Charlie Sheen essentially committed career suicide yesterday by making drug-fueled phone calls to TMZ, RadarOnline and Alex Jones while flying miles above the earth in a private jet filled with porn stars and coke. (No, really.) CBS has since pulled the plug on Two and a Half MenMore »

And ‘Two and a Half Men’ is Canceled

“Guess which one of us ain’t on the party plane. SHEEN-SASSIN’D.

Before we delve into Part Two of “Charlie Sheen Remembered Coke’s His Oxygen Again,” here’s a quick update on why Brooke Mueller was suspiciously missing from his in-flight interview with Alex Jones: Charlie kicked her off the plane. Whether that means literally… More »

Charlie Sheen: ‘I Just Cured Alcoholism. Right Now. With My Mind.’

“You’re welcome!”

In case there were any doubts that Charlie Sheen didn’t just launch himself into an private jet full of coke and porn stars, he called in this afternoon to Alex Jones’ Infowars and revealed he’s in the air with “two hotties.” (Ha! Brooke Mueller thought there was going to be aMore »