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Christina Aguilera, Whitney Houston Hologram Spit In The Face of God

Christina Aguilera sang next to a hologram of Whitney Houston because singing shows truly are the cock of Satan. More »


Christina Aguilera Loved That Time Hillary Clinton Stared At Her Boobs

Christina Aguilera loved that time Hillary Clinton checked our her rack almost as much as we did. Almost. More »


Hayden Panettiere’s New Implants Tried To Be Christina Aguilera



Salma Hayek & Christina Aguilera’s Breasts Aren’t The War On Christmas

Salma Hayek and Christina Aguilera’s breasts are still large. This is important information. More »


It’s That Real Christina Aguilera Everyone’s Talking About

Because I actually want people to click on this post, there’s a way better pic of Christina Aguilera’s breasts inside. I promise. More »


How Much More Real Could Christina Aguilera Be? None. None More Real.

Christina Aguilera is real. And somewhere in this picture apparently. More »



Christina Aguilera Might Have Butt Implants

The Internet thinks Christina Aguilera got butt implants, and I’m not about to look a gift horse in the ass-mouth. More »


Christina Aguilera Called Mickey Mouse An ‘Asshole’ At Disneyland

Christina Aguilera celebrated her birthday at Disneyland a week before Christmas and allegedly flipped the fuck out when Mickey Mouse wasn’t available to take a picture with her because grown ups do that. TMZ reports:

Our theme park source tells us while ringing in her 34th b-day at Disney’s California Adventure, Christina and… More »


Christina Aguilera’s Naked

Because there’s a God in Heaven and He’s a giant dick, here’s Christina Aguilera posing naked for V Magazine – while roughly 35 weeks pregnant. Not that I’m saying pregnancy isn’t beautiful in its weird, unnatural, miracle of life sort of way. I’m saying it’s hard to get an erection when a child’s foot might… More »



Remember How Christina Aguilera Got Really Skinny? That’s All Over Now

Sometime around April of last year, Christina Aguilera got crazy skinny after looking perpetually pregnant for most of 2012 and almost ruining The Voice in the process. Except, good news, she is pregnant now presumably because no one gave a shit about her engagement announcement last week. People reports:

A week after announcing… More »


Lady GaGa Didn’t Make A Song With R. Kelly. What Are You Talking About?

“Just a second, girl. Told that motherfucker I needed more bran…”

When the Village Voice published its interview with Jim DeRogatis detailing the graphic and extensive nature of R. Kelly’s alleged statutory rapes, almost everyone immediately asked what the fuck Lady GaGa was doing recording a song with him. Including Lady GaGa who… More »


This Chick Says She’s Christina Aguilera

Below is Christina Aguilera at last year’s American Music Awards. And above is one of her arms stretched out with four limbs, a head and tits because science is only concerned with if it could do something instead of being worried if it should. This is how Skynet happens, people.

Photos:More »



BREAKING: Christina Aguilera’s Breasts Were At Some Place Somewhere

You were probably wondering how I’d manage to top such groundbreaking news as January Jones: Shitty Mom or British Person In A Bikini, and the answer is simple: Tits. Celebrity tits. Particularly Christina Aguilera’s which were on The Tonight Show last night because NBC is an incestuous whore-muffin. (Not to be confused with The KardashiansMore »


BREAKING: Christina Aguilera Can Fit Into Jeans

Since the dawn of man, Christina Aguilera has always worn black tights or dresses she can easily menstruate out of onstage. So imagine my surprise to not only see her in jeans that aren’t jeggings, but her ass actually looks.. well, her ass actually evaporated and looked better when she was fat. Wow, being a… More »


BREAKING: Christina Aguilera’s Still Skinny

Here’s Christina Aguilera at the NBC Somethings over the weekend where apparently she still looked as skinny as she did during her last public appearance making it three whole months now where I haven’t thought she’s pregnant. I don’t want to say this is the greatest achievement of her life, but keep in mind, I… More »



Christina Aguilera’s Giant Breasts Made A Video

Here’s a lingerie-clad Christina Aguilera starring the in the music video for Alejandro Fernández’s “Hoy Tengo Ganas De Ti” which, if I remember my Spanish correctly, roughly translates to, “I shall sing into your giant titties until the morning meets the night, Miss Piggy.” It’s a romantic language.

More »


Christina Aguilera Didn’t Get Fat Again Yet

A few weeks ago, Christina Aguilera arrived at The Time 100 Gala looking surprisingly thinner for someone who couldn’t shut up about how comfortable she was in her skin and how her boyfriend couldn’t get enough of it. (Although, in her defense, neither could secretaries of state.) Anyway, here she is at the Billboard MusicMore »


Christina Aguilera Lost Weight

The last time we left Christina Aguilera, her gigantic ass orbited the American Music Awards forever enshrouding it in darkness. Except here she is looking noticeably thinner at the Time 100 Gala last night because apparently she’s one of our Most Influential People now. So just assume Hillary Clinton’s on the voting committee. “Now our… More »



BEST OF 2012: Christina Assulera

Greetings, exalted one. Allow me to introduce myself. I am The Superficial Writer, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Photo Boy Solo. (He withheld sex until I wrote that.) I know that you are powerful, mighty reader, and that your anger with us not posting must be equally powerful. As a token of my goodwill,More »


Christina Aguilera Was At The Am- JESUS CHRIST!

In case you were wondering just how large Christina Aguilera’s ass is getting, here it is at the American Music Awards last night before it tried to blow up the rebel base on Yavin IV. It also performed, but somehow looked noticeably smaller which means they either brought in those mirrors David Copperfield used to… More »


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