Posts tagged "Christina Aguilera"

Christina Aguilera Might Have Butt Implants

The Internet thinks Christina Aguilera got butt implants, and I’m not about to look a gift horse in the ass-mouth.

By: The Superficial / April 20, 2015

Christina Aguilera Called Mickey Mouse An ‘Asshole’ At Disneyland

Christina Aguilera celebrated her birthday at Disneyland a week before Christmas and allegedly flipped the fuck out when Mickey Mouse wasn’t available to take a picture with her because grown ups do that. TMZ reports:

Our theme park source tells us while ringing in her 34th b-day at Disney’s California Adventure, Christina and…

By: The Superficial / December 29, 2014

Christina Aguilera’s Naked

Because there’s a God in Heaven and He’s a giant dick, here’s Christina Aguilera posing naked for V Magazine – while roughly 35 weeks pregnant. Not that I’m saying pregnancy isn’t beautiful in its weird, unnatural, miracle of life sort of way. I’m saying it’s hard to get an erection when a child’s foot might…

By: The Superficial / August 3, 2014

Remember How Christina Aguilera Got Really Skinny? That’s All Over Now

Sometime around April of last year, Christina Aguilera got crazy skinny after looking perpetually pregnant for most of 2012 and almost ruining The Voice in the process. Except, good news, she is pregnant now presumably because no one gave a shit about her engagement announcement last week. People reports:

A week after announcing…

By: The Superficial / February 21, 2014

Lady GaGa Didn’t Make A Song With R. Kelly. What Are You Talking About?

“Just a second, girl. Told that motherfucker I needed more bran…”

When the Village Voice published its interview with Jim DeRogatis detailing the graphic and extensive nature of R. Kelly’s alleged statutory rapes, almost everyone immediately asked what the fuck Lady GaGa was doing recording a song with him. Including Lady GaGa who…

By: The Superficial / January 7, 2014

This Chick Says She’s Christina Aguilera

Below is Christina Aguilera at last year’s American Music Awards. And above is one of her arms stretched out with four limbs, a head and tits because science is only concerned with if it could do something instead of being worried if it should. This is how Skynet happens, people.


By: The Superficial / November 25, 2013

BREAKING: Christina Aguilera’s Breasts Were At Some Place Somewhere

You were probably wondering how I’d manage to top such groundbreaking news as January Jones: Shitty Mom or British Person In A Bikini, and the answer is simple: Tits. Celebrity tits. Particularly Christina Aguilera’s which were on The Tonight Show last night because NBC is an incestuous whore-muffin. (Not to be confused with The Kardashians

By: The Superficial / September 19, 2013

BREAKING: Christina Aguilera Can Fit Into Jeans

Since the dawn of man, Christina Aguilera has always worn black tights or dresses she can easily menstruate out of onstage. So imagine my surprise to not only see her in jeans that aren’t jeggings, but her ass actually looks.. well, her ass actually evaporated and looked better when she was fat. Wow, being a…

By: The Superficial / August 13, 2013

BREAKING: Christina Aguilera’s Still Skinny

Here’s Christina Aguilera at the NBC Somethings over the weekend where apparently she still looked as skinny as she did during her last public appearance making it three whole months now where I haven’t thought she’s pregnant. I don’t want to say this is the greatest achievement of her life, but keep in mind, I…

By: The Superficial / July 29, 2013

Christina Aguilera’s Giant Breasts Made A Video

Here’s a lingerie-clad Christina Aguilera starring the in the music video for Alejandro Fern├índez’s “Hoy Tengo Ganas De Ti” which, if I remember my Spanish correctly, roughly translates to, “I shall sing into your giant titties until the morning meets the night, Miss Piggy.” It’s a romantic language.

By: The Superficial / July 23, 2013

Christina Aguilera Didn’t Get Fat Again Yet

A few weeks ago, Christina Aguilera arrived at The Time 100 Gala looking surprisingly thinner for someone who couldn’t shut up about how comfortable she was in her skin and how her boyfriend couldn’t get enough of it. (Although, in her defense, neither could secretaries of state.) Anyway, here she is at the Billboard Music

By: The Superficial / May 20, 2013

Christina Aguilera Lost Weight

The last time we left Christina Aguilera, her gigantic ass orbited the American Music Awards forever enshrouding it in darkness. Except here she is looking noticeably thinner at the Time 100 Gala last night because apparently she’s one of our Most Influential People now. So just assume Hillary Clinton’s on the voting committee. “Now our…

By: The Superficial / April 24, 2013

BEST OF 2012: Christina Assulera

Greetings, exalted one. Allow me to introduce myself. I am The Superficial Writer, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Photo Boy Solo. (He withheld sex until I wrote that.) I know that you are powerful, mighty reader, and that your anger with us not posting must be equally powerful. As a token of my goodwill,

By: The Superficial / December 31, 2012

Christina Aguilera Was At The Am- JESUS CHRIST!

In case you were wondering just how large Christina Aguilera’s ass is getting, here it is at the American Music Awards last night before it tried to blow up the rebel base on Yavin IV. It also performed, but somehow looked noticeably smaller which means they either brought in those mirrors David Copperfield used to…

By: The Superficial / November 19, 2012

Christina Aguilera Can Fit Into Jeans? There’s No Way That’s Right

Christina Aguilera almost exclusively wears stretchy pants or a form-hugging dress (both commando), except here she is actually wearing jeans while promoting The Voice last night. So if everyone could maybe shut up about elections and malfunctioning voter machines, let’s focus on how the hell something like this evens happen and who stands to gai…

By: The Superficial / November 6, 2012

Christina Aguilera & Kim Kardashian Tie For ‘Most Breastiest’ Costume

Here’s Christina Aguilera and Kim Kardashian who both wore costumes showcasing their tits, so I’m not even going to come up with something clever to say about that because absolutely none of you will read it. We’re on a tight dick joke ration over here, and you never know when you’ll need one to plug…

By: The Superficial / October 29, 2012

Christina Aguilera Calls Bloggers ‘Buttf-ck People’ Who Write ‘Hate Sh-t.’ Alright, Who Told?

During a Q&A for the Billboard/Hollywood Reporter Film & TV Conference, Christina Aguilera talked about her image in the tabloids, and blogs in particular, and dropped a couple of truth bombs that have me convinced she knows where I live and is the one who keeps eating all the Sun Chips. (Note to self: Apologize…

By: The Superficial / October 26, 2012

Christina Aguilera’s Last Album Is From The Future So That’s Why No One Bought It

“Ohmygod, I haven’t eaten all day. Just one bite…”
“What did you say, mama?”

Seen here taking her moleman/human hybrid son Max to the Pumpkin Patch because he always burrows out the best ones, Christina Aguilera’s last album Bionic barely sold 300,000 copies, and as she gets ready to release…

By: The Superficial / October 23, 2012

Christina Aguilera Never Wears Underwear

“What are you waiting for, Kermie? Moi is ready for you!”

While appearing on Chelsea Lately last night, but only after Chelsea Handler agreed to wear fishnets (Why do you hate America?), Christina Aguilera revealed she never wears underwear because that’s exactly the kind of thing you want to hear from a ballooning

By: The Superficial / October 19, 2012

It’s Called A Sandwich, Christina Aguilera, Maybe You Should Try Eating One

A few weeks back I joked that Christina Aguilera pretty much threw in the towel and said, “Fuck it, I’m Aretha Franklin now.” And like everything asshole thing that comes out of my mouth, that turned out to be the exact case because I control this reality and all those who dwell within. To prove…

By: The Superficial / October 10, 2012
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