Chris Martin


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Beyoncé Looking Like She Pooped Is Something You Just Clicked On

The fanciest Beyonce Super Bowl post you’ll read all day. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Actually Thinks She Broke The Internet

GOOP be GOOPing. More »

Ha! Isn’t Jennifer Lawrence Wacky?

Oh, that wacky Jennifer Lawrence. She’s just like us! More »

Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin Will Bed Their New Lovers Together

Gwyneth Paltrow is planning a couple’s vacation with Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence because your common divorce is dogshit upon her boot. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Now A Simple Commoner With A Commoner’s Divorce

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin signed divorce papers. They’re one of us now. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Still Having Sex With Someone, Too, You Guys

On the heels of Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence revealing they’re still dating, Gwyneth Paltrow goes public with her new boyfriend, too, because ‘conscious uncoupling’ totally wasn’t a crock of shit. More »

Jennifer Lawrence & Chris Martin Are Still F*cking

Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin are apparently still dating. More »

Chris Martin’s Probably Banging Kate Hudson

Chris Martin and Kate Hudson were spotted at the beach together where she waved her ass in a bikini in front of his face because friends do that. More »

No Shit Gwyneth Paltrow Broke Up Chris Martin & Jennifer Lawrence

The very second Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin broke up, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it probably had to do with the woman he’s technically still married to who also has a giant ego that’s about to get her face baked into a quiche. So let’s get this other with. Via… More »

Jennifer Lawrence & Chris Martin Stopped F*cking

Presumably because Gwyneth Paltrow keeps Chris Martin’s balls firmly ensconced in a hand-carved Sri Lankan testicle cuplet ($799.95, GOOP), his conscious coupling with Jennifer Lawrence’s vagina has transcended this plane of reality, according to E! News. Plus it’s not like he can’t see her naked anytime he wan- what? We’re all thinking it. And I’m… More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Still Has Chris Martin Whipped

Chris Martin’s consciously uncoupled life may seem awesome, and full of Jennifer Lawrence’s vagina, but at the end of the day, Gwyneth Paltrow is apparently still in control of his schedule. Which still affords him time to bang Jennifer Lawrence, so already this post is on shaky ground. We’re off to a good start. DailyMore »

Gwyneth Paltrow Did The Ice Bucket Challenge In A Bikini, Nominates Chris Martin

With the exception of Katy Perry, and probably a few others I’m too lazy to Google, most celebrities recognize this is for charity and have been keeping their Ice Bucket Challenges relatively tame which is probably why I hate them so much. Except here’s Gwyneth Paltrow doing hers in a bikini because she has the… More »

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