Posts tagged "Chelsea Handler"

Chelsea Handler Says Taylor Swift Is A Virgin

In a surprisingly generous move, Jennifer Aniston gave Chelsea Handler a break from calling Angelina Jolie a demon long enough for her to call Taylor Swift a virgin who doesn’t put out and that’s why guys leave her. Future feminists will truly look back on this day and go, “Right here. Right here where’s they…

The Superficial / March 7, 2013

Christina Aguilera Never Wears Underwear

“What are you waiting for, Kermie? Moi is ready for you!”
While appearing on Chelsea Lately last night, but only after Chelsea Handler agreed to wear fishnets (Why do you hate America?), Christina Aguilera revealed she never wears underwear because that’s exactly the kind of thing you want to hear from a ballooning drunk who&#8217…

The Superficial / October 19, 2012

Miley Cyrus Don’t Need No Dang Ol’ Pants To Love That There Honey Boo Boo Child

Seen here dressin’ all fancy like in her skivvy-peepers showin’ that there young’n child how the Debbil’s Holiday ain’t just an excuse to say “spooks” without the librul gummint puttin’ it’s desegremagation upon us, Miley Cyrus went on the gargoyle wermen’s TV box show and said she can’t get enough of that danngone Honey Boo

The Superficial / October 18, 2012

Jennifer Aniston’s Getting Married Now. Of Course.

Whenever anyone writes about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, there’s inevitably some joke about a jilted, bitter Jennifer Aniston which is then inevitably followed by a few random people defending her and saying she’s moved on with her life and couldn’t care less about Brad and Angelina. So to those people, I want you to…

The Superficial / April 23, 2012

Joan Rivers Destroys Chelsea Handler

Not physically mind you. She actually looks like this.
On Monday morning, Chelsea Handler said the following when asked about a feud with Joan Rivers on Howard Stern. Via RadarOnline:
“Joan Rivers? What the fuck do I care about Joan Rivers? I don’t think about her ever.”
Jump to Tuesday morning, when Joan stopped by…

The Superficial / January 25, 2012

Report: Jennifer Aniston’s Breasts Look Pregnant

According to Hollywood Life, Jennifer Aniston’s breasts look pregnant in this picture from last night’s Glamour Women of the Year Awards, and since I believe in journalism so much, I decided to look deeply into them. Granted, I have absolutely no clue how to tell if a woman is pregnant (See: This entire site.), I’m…

The Superficial / November 8, 2011

Laura Prepon Hired To Look Like Chelsea Handler, Somehow Not Offended

Hey! Look who’s alive… in 2008.
Because Chelsea Handler is a delusional harpie preying on the economic instability of the down-trodden – Or she just really hates Scientologists (#20.) Probably shouldn’t rule that out. – Laura Prepon has been cast to star in a new NBC series based on “Are You There Vodka? It’s Me…

The Superficial / February 17, 2011

Jenna Jameson Hates Chelsea Handler

Seemingly out of nowhere, Jenna Jameson took to Twitter last night to let everyone know how she really feels about Chelsea Handler. Which is amazing because I’ve been sitting by my computer for ten years waiting for this day. Please say “dried up cunt.” Please say “dried up cunt.” Please say “dried up cunt.”
Chelsea…

The Superficial / January 27, 2011

So Chelsea Handler ‘is’ Banging 50 Cent

Because she’s the most hilarious woman alive – Not counting Jennifer Aniston’s emails, of course. – Chelsea Handler posted the above pic to Twitter this morning with the following message:
I don’t know why anyone thinks I would ever date a rapper.
Ha! Get it? Because she’s in bed with 50 Cent. That’s so funny,…

The Superficial / December 13, 2010

Chelsea Handler Did It Again

(Did you really need to see that? Probably.)
In a new interview with Katie Couric just posted to Glamour’s website, Chelsea Handler insults Angelina Jolie again while singing the praises of Jennifer Aniston who’s apparently our nation’s most hilarious e-mail sender:
KATIE COURIC: Is there anybody who really makes you laugh? A woman who really

The Superficial / December 9, 2010

Jennifer Aniston is Mad at Chelsea Handler

Ever wondered what it’d be like to see Jim Henson get mad at Kermit the Frog? (It’ll hit you.) Here’s your chance. Via Popeater:
“Jen has gone out of her way to keep her private feelings about that woman who stole her husband private and has always asked her friends to do the same,” a…

The Superficial / December 8, 2010

Chelsea Handler: ‘I’ve Been Making Fun of Angelina Jolie For Years’

Seen here at the New York premiere of The Tourist last night, Angelina Jolie was called a “fucking cunt” over the weekend by Chelsea Handler, who wants everyone to know it has nothing to do with her new best friend despite the icicles dripping from her ear where Jennifer Aniston whispered into it. Us Magazine:…

The Superficial / December 7, 2010

Chelsea Handler Hates Angelina Jolie

Because being new best friends with Jennifer Aniston comes with a larger price than just promising to have an equally as frozen uterus, Chelsea Handler went off on Angelina Jolie during a stand-up show in Jersey over the weekend. Via The Huffington Post:
“She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she…

The Superficial / December 6, 2010

Jennifer Aniston Was in a Bikini

While Jessica Simpson and Kanye West continued to embarrass themselves in front of millions, Jennifer Aniston escaped to Los Cabos where she spent Thanksgiving with a bikini-clad Chelsea Handler, who you’ll notice I conveniently didn’t mention in the headline. I’m in the business of attracting people to this site, not sending them screaming into the…

The Superficial / November 29, 2010

Chelsea Handler: ‘I’m Not Banging 50 – Yet.’

Chelsea Handler took to her Twitter last night to address recent rumors suggesting she has a secret rendezvous with 50 Cent whenever they’re in the same town:
Everyone, calm down. I met with mr. Cent about a potential project. There’s nothing to report yet, ill let you know if there is.
While lots of outlet…

The Superficial / October 7, 2010

That Chelsea Handler/50 Cent Thing Actually Happened

TMZ obtained a recent photo of 50 Cent and Chelsea Handler sitting closely at a club (above) that really could’ve been anything from an innocent conversation to a full-blown explanation on how to pull back her bat wings for insertion. Turns out it was closer to the latter, according to Us Magazine:
“It’s been going…

The Superficial / October 6, 2010

Lindsay Lohan Was At The VMAs

In safe, nobody got hurt, skit-form!
In an answer to Michael Lohan’s prayers, a freakish looking Lindsay Lohan – “It’s the Adderall!” she might scream hysterically. – appeared in a skit where she poked fun at herself by chiding host Chelsea Handler for her drinking. This was of course hilarious because there’s absolutely nothing funnier…

The Superficial / September 13, 2010

Eliza Dushku, Padma Lakshmi, Chelsea Handler pose nude

Eliza Dushku, Padma Lakshmi and Chelsea Handler all pose nude for the upcoming issue of Allure magazine, and understandably there’s been some airbrushing done. Or Padma and Eliza were born without nipples. Who knows? That said, there’s no way that’s Chelsea Handler’s body. I always imagined it more gray. And with batwings.
NOTE: Pics are…

The Superficial / April 13, 2009

Chelsea Handler seems like a fun gal

It’s hard not to like Chelsea Handler–after all, by her own account she’s a foul-mouthed boozer who hasn’t shied away from the odd one-night stand or six in the past. (Mom?) Plus, she employs a Hispanic little person as her sidekick. Which is nice, as that demographic has been particularly affected by the economic downturn.

Tim Kinnealy / February 16, 2009

Lance Bass motorboated Cloris Leachman (You just read that.)

Lance Bass, who I’ve never seen in an interview before today (Do you think he’s gay?), stopped by E!’s Chelsea Lately last night where he admitted to motorboating his Dancing with the Stars opponent Cloris Leachman. How does that even happen? Glad you asked:
LANCE: I’m not sure I’m feeling this whole homosexual thing anymore.

The Superficial / October 30, 2008
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