More Captions stories

Courtney Stodden & Doug Hutchison Are Engaged Again Despite Never Getting Divorced

Courtney Stodden has been rapidly fading from relevancy yet is remarkably determined to not just throw in the towel and do porn which makes her a better person than Farrah Abraham. Then again, so is this bagel. Anyway, in a successful (because I’m a cheap clickwhore) Hail Mary pass to get back in the press,… More »

Marky Mark Wants To Be Iron Man

“Hey, Jahvis. Wanna know why my ahms shoot freakin’ laser beams?
Because I don’t masturbate.” *skreeeeee-BOOOSH*

In a recent interview, Mark Wahlberg revealed that he’d love to be the next Iron Man which is, of course, ridiculous on its face because Tony Stahk ain’t no freakin’ Southie. Even more ridiculous is why… More »

Jessica Simpson In ‘The Hungry Bridesmaid’:
A Superficial Caption Gallery

As promised, here’s Jessica Simpson at best friend CaCee Cobb and Donald Faison’s wedding on Saturday where Zach Braff clearly got shafted with the unenviable task of making sure no one got slathered in barbecue sauce and eaten behind a woodshed. On that note, we captioned the jowls out of this gallery because almost every… More »

Courtney Stodden Sometimes Calls Doug ‘Dad,’ He Says He’s ‘Raising’ His Wife. Perfectly Healthy.

Dads do this.

Because the entire point of this whole child-bride charade was to land them a reality show, Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson made their debut on VH1’s Couples Therapy 2 this week where apparently they couldn’t decide between just blatantly admitting they’re putting on a show or sticking to their plan… More »

Usher Truly Is The New Michael

Very, very rarely do I hesitate before pushing Publish on a post. This is one of those times. Here’s Usher in Atlanta yesterday using his sizable fame and fortune to genuinely help children in Atlanta which I, some asshole on the Internet, felt the need to add horrible, horrible captions to. However, keep in mind,… More »

John Travolta Showed His Vampire Face In Public

It’s been a month since John Travolta was accused of trying to coerce and/or pay every male massage therapist in the industry to have sex with his butt in a completely heterosexual fashion, so here he is making his first public appearance at The AFI Lifetime Achievement awards last night which more than likely means… More »

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