Bret Michaels


More Bret Michaels stories

Bret Michaels Thinks Kim Kardashian And Eva Longoria Are The Same Person

I was going to post about this yesterday, but then a bunch more important stuff happened, and this is me whenever I realize I can’t avoid a Kardashian post. So above is Bret Michaels posing with Kim Kardashian which he tweeted to Eva Longoria on her birthday because he thought it was her. Later, he’d… More »

Bret Michaels Dumped His Fiancee That Let Him Bang All Those Chicks On ‘Rock Of Love’

Rock of Love with Bret Michaels aired for three seasons from 2007 to 2009 which, by my math, is sometime within the past 16 years, but don’t quote me on that, I post women’s panties on the Internet for a living. Anyway, I mention that because Bret Michaels has apparently ended his engagement to KristiMore »

Bret Michaels: ‘I Taught Charlie Sheen How To Win’

While Charlie Sheen lays the groundwork for his tour to abruptly end in a hail of coke and donkey punches because he literally has no clue what the hell he’s going to do on this thing, Bret Michaels wants everyone to know he’s the one who taught Warlock Von Tiger Blood the secrets of winning. More »

Bret Michaels Denies Banging Miley’s Mom

“But first, blowjays for everyone! Yay! Believe what Bret says. Wheeeee!”

Bret Michaels stopped by Fox & Friends yesterday (above) where he personally denied having an affair with Tish Cyrus because the word of a man who meticulously hides his baldness is one to hang your toupee on. Via Popeater:

“The… More »

Miley Cyrus Seems to Be Coping Well

(Well means catatonic, right?)

Here’s Miley Cyrus in LA last night where her still-17 mind appears to be having trouble processing her mom banging Bret Michaels. You know, in the midst of all the jokes and hilarity of watching rednecks cope with retarded amounts of money, we sometimes lose sight of what’s really… More »

Bret Michaels ‘Sabotaged His Career’ If He Slept With Miley’s Mom

Seen here pretending to be a stand-up family man to sell middle-aged fans his new reality show Life As I Know It, Bret Michaels’ career could suffer the consequences if it turns out he did the Unskinny Bop with Miley Cyrus’ mom Tish. (I hate myself so much right now.) Hollywood Life reports:

More »

Bret Michaels Banged Miley Cyrus’ Mom

Presumably as payment for recording a duet with Miley on “Nothing to Lose,” Bret Michaels reportedly had an affair with Tish Cyrus which prompted Billy Ray to file for divorce once he eventually found out. (Why do I feel like I just described an episode of Dukes of Hazzard?) Us Weekly reports:

Michaels,… More »

Bret Michaels Thinks You’re Stupid

While a CGI-rendering of Bret Michaels appears on the latest issue of Billboard (above), the real one wants you to believe it’s nothing but the byproduct of climate control, physical exercise and a good ol’ dash of manorexia. E!’s Marc Malkin reports:

I said, ‘Listen, I have two requests—good lighting and a warm… More »

Donald Trump: ‘Bret Michaels is gonna die’

Donald Trump informed TMZ this morning that Bret Michaels is in “big, big trouble and the prognosis is not great.”

Michaels is a contestant on this season’s “Celebrity Apprentice” and, ironically, Trump says Michaels’ scrappiness is the best thing he has going for him.
As Trump put it, “He turns out to be… More »

UPDATE: Bret Michaels is getting his ass kicked

After just recovering from an emergency appendectomy, Bret Michaels was rushed to the hospital last night after experiencing severe headaches. Turns out he suffered a brain hemorrhage and is now listed in critical condition. TMZ reports:

According to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, people who don’t receive proper medical treatment after suffering a subarachnoid hemorrhage… More »

Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson fight bigotry. I think.

- Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson campaign for marriage equality by putting tape over their mouths. Is it because they’re both women? I’m confused. [Pink is the New Blog]

- Chastity Bono is getting a sex change operation. No! Then she’ll figure out we’re obsessed with breasts. Dammit, years of stealth operations… More »

Bret Michaels gets his ass kicked – by scenery

While performing with Poison at the Tony Awards last night, Bret Michaels walked smack into a descending backdrop as the band exited the stage. — Wait a minute. Why the hell is Poison performing at the Tony Awards? I don’t remember there being tractor pulls and corn dogs on Broadway. Then again, there are… More »

Eminem still alive, releases video


Eminem released his latest video “We Made You” today which includes him making fun of various celebs from Kim Kardashian to Jessica Simpson and offering to bang Sarah Palin. That said, I’d probably enjoy this more if I were an ironically racist drop-out working at Wal-Mart in Alabama. Ha ha, just… More »

Bret Michaels is a Beautiful Woman: The Book

People might have got a hold of the cover to Bret Michael’s upcoming book Roses & Thorns, but thanks to my ability to make promises of mascara, The Superficial has obtained the full chapter list for what will, no doubt, be an epic tome of music and unprotected sex with illiterate county fair… More »

Bret Michaels wants to put his thorn in Jennifer Aniston’s rose

Also at the premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You which Celebuzz reports she didn’t even stay and watch, was Jennifer Aniston who’s got herself a new admirer in Bret Michaels. You gotta admire the man’s horribly-placed confidence. NY Daily News reports:

“Bret is really crushing on Jen,” a pal of Michaels… More »

Bret Michaels gets a third chance to bang more strippers on national television

Bret Michaels and Ambre Lake, the “winner” of Rock of Love 2, have broken up. I guess every rose does have its thorn. And that thorn is made of total manufactured bullshit needed to launch a third season of Bret’s reality show. People reports:

Lake, who recently moved to L.A. from her native Chicago… More »

Daisy de la Hoya into geological objects of love

Meet Daisy de la Hoya. She’s not only the niece of Oscar de la Hoya, but she’s currently competing on VH1’s Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels. I never watch the show – except for every goddamn day! Inna instead of that bitch Kristy Joe? Seriously, Bret, loosen that bald-dana. Anyway, I hope Daisy… More »