Best of 2012

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Joan Rivers Is Probably Dead (Update: Or Not)

Seen here making fun of Anne Hathaway’s vagina as I’ll always remember her, Joan Rivers was rushed to the hospital this morning after she stopped breathing during surgery on her vocal chords. According to TMZ, her heart also stopped beating with no word on whether it started again, so… yeah. In related news, Lindsay LohanMore »


Katy Perry’s Breasts Went To A Water Park

Taylor Swift aside, the past 12 hours have been a pretty amazing time for breasts. So below is Katy Perry at Schlitterbahn Water Park in Kansas which is nowhere near as awesome as the time her ass fell out at Raging Waters, but at the end of the video, the camera practically smacks into one… More »


Leighton Meester Married Adam Brody

According to Us Weekly, Leighton Meester secretly married Adam Brody which is incredible news because according to my eyes, I have fantastic bikini photos of her ass which I will use any excuse to post. I could’ve heard a story about Leighton Meester seeing a puppy, and you’d be staring deep in her butt wondering… More »


And, Great, Shia LaBeouf Just Retired. WHAT DID YOU ANIMALS DO?!

“Did you just say you directed A River Runs Through It?”
“Don’t stifle my art, Bob.”

Back in December, Shia LaBeouf was caught plagiarizing the shit out of Daniel Clowes’ graphic novel Justin M. Damiano for a short film Howard Cantour.com that Shia had been shopping to festivals for over a year. More »


This Is Engaged To Adam Brody

Dear God,

I know we haven’t exactly been on speaking terms, so I’ll make this quick: I’m going to shit on your foot. I’m going to squat down, look you right in the eye, and shit on your foot. There’ll be no words, no polite hello, just me shitting directly on your foot. More »


Russell Brand Was Edited Out of GQ’s Men Of The Year Issue, I Can’t Imagine Why

“So then I say, ‘Well, let’s see who’s inna bloody wheelchair now,” and then we made passionate love the soize of a tan-jah-reen.”

Last month, Russell Brand was kicked out of the GQ Men of The Year Awards after informing the crowd that the events sponsor Hugo Boss used to make uniforms forMore »


Nicki Minaj Banged Zac Efron

“His penis… it didn’t touch my ovaries.”

Apparently Nicki Minaj secretly hooked up with Zac Efron right around the time he was in the middle of his newfound coke habit, so I’m already on board with this because I would have sex with Nicki Minaj sober. Or my own hand because it’s easier… More »


Hey, AMC, Leave Jon Hamm’s Penis Alone

Of all the natural wonders of the world, Jon Hamm‘s penis truly hangs mightily above them all. A girthuous gift from God himself to remind us, his most beloved creation, that sometimes a penis can be a masterful work of art, and if one should attempt to hide such beauty with garments of thread, they… More »


Adam Brody’s Banging Leighton Meester

According to Us Weekly, Leighton Meester and Adam Brody are allegedly dating which is awesome because now I finally have an excuse to test my theory that her ass in a bikini can make even the most depressing news palatable. So far I’m not seeing any results outside of these two beautiful unicorns lovingly nuzzling… More »


Joan Rivers: Master of Prop Comedy

Posted to Twitter:

Who am I? Anne Hathaway getting out of a limousine.

Realizing he’ll never reach this level of comedy, somewhere Carrot Top is trying to blow his brains out only to remember he filled every single gun he owns with seltzer water. Goddammit…

Photo: INFdaily, Pacific CoastMore »


Megan Fox Joined Twitter, Okay? Are You F-cking Happy Now?

Megan Fox launched her Twitter account last night, and naturally she did it in the bitchiest way possible via a Facebook post where she makes it abundantly clear she’s above all this shit but, GAWD, if she has to…

Against my better judgment, I have finally joined Twitter. Every possible version of my… More »


BEST OF 2012: Anne Hathaway’s Vagina

Greetings, exalted one. Allow me to introduce myself. I am The Superficial Writer, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Photo Boy Solo. (He withheld sex until I wrote that.) I know that you are powerful, mighty reader, and that your anger with us not posting must be equally powerful. As a token of my goodwill,More »


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