More Attack stories

The Situation’s Brother Is a Lady’s Man

And it begins…

Once these Jersey Shore kids became inevitably famous in a genre populated almost exclusively by giant-ass porn stars pretending to be normal human beings with souls, it was only a matter of time until family members riding the gravy train started making a mess of things. Which is exactly what… More »

Michael Lohan Conveniently Survives Knife Attack

On the eve of Lindsay Lohan’s 35th probation hearing (I lost count.), Michael Lohan was allegedly attacked by a knife-wielding senior citizen who not only called him in advance, but supposedly did it to keep Michael away from Lindsay today. TMZ reports:

Michael claims he was attacked outside his home in Santa Monica,… More »

Katy Perry: ‘Russell Brand Was Defending My Special Place’

Before we dive back into Lindsay Lohan’s Fucking Idiot Parade, another drug addict made the news this weekend. Russell Brand was arrested for battery at LAX on Friday after attacking a photographer near a security checkpoint. Katy Perry later took to Twitter to defend her man/push the story his attorney cooked up:

If… More »

When Adam Lambert Attacks

When you think about celebrities roughing up the paparazzi you mostly think about your Sean Penns, Tobey Maguires, or more recently, Mel Gibsons. Well, add blowjob-simulating sparkle-boys to that list because yesterday Adam Lambert surprisingly opened a can in Miami (above) which has him facing battery charges as of this morning. I guess admitting you… More »

Floyd Mayweather Jr. Looks Remorseful

In the docs she states that Floyd came into her Las Vegas home Thursday morning and awoke her by, “pulling me by my hair and throwing me on the ground in my living room and began punching me in my head.” She claims Floyd then began “dragging me on the floor and twisting my armMore »

Paris Hilton’s Boyfriend is an A-Hole

When Nathan Parada burst into Paris Hilton’s house like the benevolent angel of natural selection he was, it was just assumed her private security team handled the situation until the cops arrived. Turns out Paris is actually dating nightclub tycoon Cy Waits who was at her house and pulled a gun on the intruder which… More »

Paris Hilton Almost Got Stabbed

A double-knife wielding assailant apparently tried to make his way into Paris Hilton’s house to do the Lord’s work this morning only to discover she’s rich and can afford things like security cameras and alarms. I guess the mansion didn’t tip him off. People reports: … More »

Tila Tequila Had ‘Human Poop’ Thrown at Her. While Topless.

Because midget stripper outfits cost extra to make, Tila Tequila is continuing to milk her “attack” at The Gathering of the Juggalos for all it’s worth which is a tragedy because I’m actually starting to think these clowns are alright. Haha! They throw poop. E! News reports: … More »

Tila Tequila ‘Attacked’ By Juggalos. According to Tila Tequila.

Full Disclosure: Even though a ridiculous amount of you wrote in, I really didn’t want to cover this story because it forces me to talk about two things that should’ve never been in the same place at the same time unless someone’s testing hydrogen bombs: Tila Tequila and Juggalos, America’s saddest punchline since the South. More »

Joe Francis attacks pregnant women now. Of course.

Joe Francis is attacking women again. This time around it’s employees who were texting the media about the “bad things” he does with his company, according to RadarOnline:

After reading what was written on the phone Joe allegedly became furious. “Joe came back and physically attacked the female employee and another employee in… More »

Naomi Campbell is still out there. Lying… Waiting…

Naomi Campbell assaulted her driver yesterday in New York who has decided this morning not to file charges because who the fuck knows where she could be hiding. RadarOnline reports:

The driver, 27-year-old Miodrag Mejdina of Queens, sought emergency medical service at the 17th Precinct station house, as he suffered bruising and a… More »

Charlie Sheen wants to win this bitch

Charlie Sheen will plead not guilty to charges he allegedly assaulted his wife with a knife and he won’t be accepting any form of plea bargain, according to RadarOnline:

“We have not entered a plea yet but we would be entering a plea of not guilty and certainly would not enter into any… More »

Charlie Sheen’s wife in rehab for crack addiction

Charlie Sheen’s wife Brooke Mueller has entered rehab for substance abuse (Read: crack.), according to TMZ:

As we first reported, Brooke had been drinking before she called 911 and that could affect her credibility.
Now we’ve learned Brooke checked into The Canyon rehab facility in Malibu last Tuesday — the day after Charlie’s… More »

Charlie Sheen’s tender court date of love

Charlie Sheen was charged in Aspen court yesterday with felony menacing, third-degree assault and criminal mischief after he allegedly held a knife to his wife Brooke Mueller’s throat and threatened to kill her on Christmas night. Fortunately Brooke bravely attended the hearing to assist prosecutors. Except not really she was there to support Charlie… More »

Charlie Sheen’s wife wants to work it out

While an obvious effort – to this writer anyway – by Charlie Sheen’s people ensues to dig up dirt on his wife and the arresting officer from their Christmas fight, Brooke Mueller clearly has a death wish because she wants to reconcile with Sheen, according to TMZ:

We’ve learned Brooke has hired… More »

Charlie Sheen: ‘My wife’s jealous of my daughter’

According to police documents, Charlie Sheen told officers at the scene of his fight with wife Brooke Mueller that his wife was jealous of a Christmas song he shares with his daughter Sam from Denise Richards. This led to him snapping her eyeglasses in half during a “predominantly verbal argument.” E! News reports:

More »

Charlie Sheen is a great husband

In an effort to make Elin & Tiger Woods look like pansies, Charlie Sheen allegedly attacked his drunken wife Brooke Mueller with a knife on Christmas night. While details of the incident are sketchy particularly now that Brooke is no longer cooperating with the police, the Chicago Sun-Times reminds us how awesome it… More »

Chris Brown: ‘Community service is off the hook!’

Chris Brown might be court-ordered to perform community service for beating the shit out of Rihanna but that doesn’t mean he still can’t have a good time tweeting (above) and mixing it up with those crazy paparazzi. Whee! NY Daily News reports:

‘Check out my outfit,’ Brown said in an afternoon Internet ‘tweet’ More »

Tila Tequila case dismissed, no charges for Shawn Merriman

San Diego Diego District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis will not be filing charges against Shawne Merriman of the Chargers. He was placed under citizen’s arrest by Tila Tequila after he allegedly choked her and refused to let her to leave his apartment Sunday. Apparently no one bought it.. ESPN reports:

Dumanis decided not to… More »

Tila Tequila plot thickens (Now with more leprechaun naked time)

Seen here sporting bruises yesterday, San Diego’s has an alleged rundown of the Tila Tequila/Shawne Merriman incident and it’s a tale rife with jilted hearts, threesomes and naked leprechauns. Enjoy:

The sources told Vara that witnesses at Merriman’s home said the three-time Pro Bowl linebacker went to his bedroom with two… More »

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