Ashton Kutcher


More Ashton Kutcher stories

Lactating Mila Kunis Is The Best Mila Kunis

Mila Kunis gave birth barely two months ago, so here are 14 pics of her lactating breasts at Friday’s night Lakers game that every one of us is going to stare at even though I just mentioned they’re producing milk for an infant to drink. That shit’s going in one eye out and out the… More »

Mila Kunis & Ashton Kutcher Are Already Being Assholes About Their Kid

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s baby has barely been alive for three days and already they’re not so subtly bitching about the paparazzi while revealing their daughter’s name. People reports:

“Mila and I would like to welcome Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher to the world. May your life be filled with wonder, love, laughter, health,… More »

Mila Kunis Is The Mother of Ashton Kutcher’s Baby

Over the weekend, George Clooney got married, and now People reports Mila Kunis gave birth to a baby girl whose father is Ashton Kutcher, so good game, everybody. We had a good run. If you’ll quietly remain seated, a demon should be around shortly to bathe this world in ash and hellfire.

UPDATE:… More »

Dax Shepard Almost Beat The Shit Out of Justin Timberlake After His Punk’d Episode

Dax Shepard gets a lot of shit for being, well, Dax Shepard. Which is understandable considering him and his wife went on TV and literally compared getting their picture taken with child molestation, so fuck him. However, he was on the best/only good episode of Punk’d where Justin Timberlake was literally brought to tears after… More »

Mila Kunis Doesn’t Want Ashton Kutcher To See Her ‘Shredded Vagina’

Most pregnant celebrities opt for a C-section because, based on my limited knowledge of the female anatomy, squeezing a baby through your butthole probably hurts like hell and sounds way too much like work. However, Mila Kunis wants everyone to know she’s not one of those celebrities and is doing this shit the natural way… More »

Mila Kunis Is Definitely Pregnant, There’s No Denying It Anymore

“Is that my real daddy? Can it be?” – Mila Kunis’ fetus

Even though I posted about it, I never truly believed Mila Kunis is pregnant because, let’s be honest, we all read it on the Internet and the Internet is bullshit. Almost nothing on here is real. For God’s sake, Kim KardashianMore »

Mila Kunis Is Pregnant, The Bastard Actually Did It

Mila Kunis was anything and everything. She was the unassuming hot chick with an almost encyclopedic knowledge of nerd shit. When she wasn’t doing Family Guy, she’d pop up on Robot Chicken. Not only that, but her entire relationship with Macaulay Culkin was easily explained away by the fact she was, oh I dunno, fucking… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s Client List Just Got Bigger

Last week, In Touch published a handwritten list of celebrities that Lindsay Lohan had sex with because she’s broke and will do anything for money. Except part of the list was blurred out for reasons that can now be described as milking the fuck out of this thing because here’s the next batch:

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Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are Engaged. Goddammit.

Posted by Photo Boy

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher haven’t publicly confirmed that they’re engaged, but yesterday she was wearing a huge rock and all the “reputable” outlets, like E! Online are reporting it, so yep, I guess this is happening. Our conquering alien overlords would later find this ancient text buried in… More »

Charlie Sheen Responded To Ashton Kutcher

While filming Jimmy Kimmel Live! this week, Ashton Kutcher finally got tired of Charlie Sheen talking shit about him and told him to shut the fuck up on live television. A move that Charlie has surprisingly responded to with humility and class:

Ashton message received. so sorry u sounded like me! well done! More »

Clarissa Explains All The Drugs She Did

I’ve always just considered Melissa Joan Hart one of the squeaky clean celebrities which probably explains why she’s releasing a book titled Melissa Explains It All about her drug-fueled party days so I’ll look at her in a different light and tell her to leave her husband. It’s so transparent, it’s adorable. Anyway, here she… More »

Go Home, Internet, You’re Ring Drunk

Feeling confident from correctly spotting an engagement ring on Scarlett Johannson’s finger despite every reason in the world not to do ever do that, the Internet has moved on to accusing Mila Kunis of being engaged to Ashton Kutcher because it doesn’t care who it hurts or how many people will die in its path. More »

Oh, I’m Sorry, Ashton Kutcher, Is Being Rich And Having Sex With Mila Kunis Boring You?

Remember that kid in elementary school who always had all the newest video games and toys but couldn’t care less while you were lucky if you got one G.I. Joe vehicle for Christmas? I don’t know what that has to do with Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, but it seemed like something I should say… More »

Demi Moore Wants Ashton Kutcher To Pay Alimony, Says They Weren’t Separated When He Cheated

After settlement talks over the past year apparently haven’t work out, Demi Moore has filed her own divorce papers from Ashton Kutcher and is suing him for child support along by claiming they were not separated when he cheated on her with Sara Leal in Vegas. Radar reports:

Moore cites the date of… More »

Mila Kunis Is Moving In With Ashton Kutcher

There was a beautiful, almost innocent time when Mila Kunis was afforded a ton of goodwill despite being famous for playing a shrill harpie on a Fox sitcom. She was smoking hot, yet incredibly nerdy to the point that Seth MacFarlane was in awe of her Star Trek knowledge. But then a darkness happened. She… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s Sucking Money Out of Ashton Kutcher, Too

“I wonder if this teleprompter’s rich…”

Because Ashton Kutcher needs more comparisons to Charlie Sheen in his life, the National Enquirer reports Lindsay Lohan has been using him like an ATM, too, because getting up on time and not doing drugs is hard. You wouldn’t understand:

Although their brief romance was… More »

Ashton Kutcher Is Cheating On Mila Kunis, According To Completely Credible Source

I guess I should’ve asked this first, but everyone considers Sara Leal the chick Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore with who then sold the story to Us Weekly a reliable source, right? No? I should probably change that headline. Hollywood Life reports:

A co-worker of Sara’s revealed a photo of Ashton, 35,… More »

Mila Kunis Looks Pregnant. For Real This Time.

We’ve seen Mila Kunis look heavier before, but that was for a movie, and she wasn’t walking right next to Ashton Kutcher who’s clearly making the, “Why didn’t I wear a condom behind that truck back there?” face. Because that’s how fast pregnancies happen. They’re like a ninja, a sneaky, sneaky ninja. One minute, you’re… More »

Mila Kunis Is Gonna Be A Great Stepmom

Here’s Mila Kunis out buying pumpkins yesterday for Rumer and Scout Willis because when you’re dating a man with kids, it’s always important to make an effort to connect with them. Mostly so they’ll like you better and then eventually inject their real mother with cancer like Julia Roberts made Susan Sarandon’s kids do by… More »

Mila Kunis Is Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive

Here are awesome, hi-res shots that Esquire kindly sent over (You’re also going to want to click that link for a great, candid interview where she talks about how the producers of Max Payne’s shitheadery was as equal if not greater to that of the movie.) of Mila Kunis who they just named their Sexiest… More »

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