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More Ashlee Simpson stories

Ashlee Simpson’s Sideboob In A Swimsuit, Anyone?

Normally, I start each morning with bikini photos, but today I decided to go with Shia LaBeouf’s dick because sometimes I just want to watch the world burn. Anyway, to make up for that here’s Ashlee Simpson sunbathing on her honeymoon which were basically free because Jessica Simpson’s not in them. There was a time… More »


Everyone Kept Looking At Ashlee, So Jessica Simpson Tweeted Her Pregnant Gut In A Bikini

Yesterday afternoon, you couldn’t hit a celebrity site without seeing new pics of Ashlee Simpson in a bikini while on vacation with the entire Simpson clan in Hawaii, so naturally Jessica did what any pregnant sister who’s confident with her body would do in this situation: Hide inside and tweet pics of her gut in… More »


This Post Was About Kate Winslet Getting Married, Then This Happened

Posted by Photo Boy

Kate Winslet secretly wed something called ‘Ned Rocknroll’ earlier this month, so let’s all go ahead and assume that’s just a hairdoll made from Leonardo DiCaprio’s beard trimmings and move on to a much more pressing matter. That pic up there. Yep, that’s Jessica Simpson’s husband, Eric Johnson, gazing… More »


And Jessica Simpson’s Pregnant Again. Yup.

“I can have fudge now?!”

So remember when everyone kept joking that Jessica Simpson would eventually get tired of trying to exercise away her baby weight for Weight Watchers and just get pregnant again. SURPRISE! And someone get me my broker, I want a controlling interest in Chili’s by end of business. Time… More »


Jessica Simpson Wore Skinny Jeans

“And once again, this isn’t a Fuddrucker’s. Every time…

Here’s Jessica Simpson wearing what people with vaginas tell me are “skinny jeans” which after tuning said vagina talkers out, I assume means they make your legs look thinner while doing absolutely nothing for your upper body. In fact, I’d go so far to… More »


See? Jessica & Ashlee Simpson Didn’t Choose Sides In Their Parent’s Divorce

As their parents battle through a nasty divorce that may or may not be because Papa Joe has been gay this whole time (It was.), rumors were circulating that Jessica and Ashlee were choosing sides and not speaking to each other. Except here’s the two of them promoting Jessica’s new clothing line together, so clearly… More »


Jessica Simpson Finally Gave Birth, World Asks ‘Really, Just One?’

Posted by Photo Boy – Ed. Note: Pics are from December but were chosen for two reasons. A) That’s the approximate size I envision her newborn to be. B) Breasts.

Congratulations are in order because Maxwell Drew Johnson finally escaped the double order of Chili’s Texas Chese Fries she’s been gestating in. That’s… More »


Ashlee Simpson: ‘Jessica Isn’t Squeezing Out A Kid Anytime Soon’

While looking so thin and pretty Minka Kelly couldn’t resist sticking her hand up her shirt, Ashlee Simpson basically let reporters know that her gigantic billionaire sister is going to get even larger which is exactly how I’d deflect from the fact I used to have sex with Pete Wentz, too. Well played. Us WeeklyMore »


Supposedly Ashlee Simpson Looks ‘Great’ Here

This may come as a shock to you, but I’m not a maven of high fashion society, so I really have no clue why everyone was raving about how “amazing” Ashlee Simpson looked at the SAG Awards last night. Maybe because she’s not standing next to a sobbing little boy with girl’s hair? Or maybe… More »


And Now The Part Of Jessica Simpson’s Pregnancy We’ve All Been Waiting For

“Nobody panic, but I’m pretty sure a seam just pop- HIT THE DECK!”

Here’s Jessica Simpson with sister Ashlee and nephew Bronx Mowgli who has absolutely no idea how close he is to getting lodged between his aunt’s rapidly engorging breasts and lost forever. Which is why I’m glad a Chili’s opened up… More »


Ashlee Simpson’s in a Bikini

Under the watchful, always watchful eyes of Papa Joe, the whole Simpson clan slipped down to Mexico for a little family vacay over the weekend where Ashlee brought her new boyfriend and pranced around in a bikini as Jessica hid under a poncho. Not so much out of shame, as much as she had pork… More »


Ashlee Simpson is Drunk Dialing Pete Wentz Now

“Thank you! And you’re baby is so cute, too. Have you used him to make a little emo bitch cry yet? Ohmygod, it’s adorable.”

Because I enjoy a good Ashlee Simpson makes Pete Wentz cry tale as much as the next male knitting guild champ, here’s a little yarn about Ashlee taking after… More »


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