Posts tagged "Ashlee Simpson"

Ashlee Simpson’s Sideboob In A Swimsuit, Anyone?

Normally, I start each morning with bikini photos, but today I decided to go with Shia LaBeouf’s dick because sometimes I just want to watch the world burn. Anyway, to make up for that here’s Ashlee Simpson sunbathing on her honeymoon which were basically free because Jessica Simpson’s not in them. There was a time…

By: The Superficial / September 9, 2014

Everyone Kept Looking At Ashlee, So Jessica Simpson Tweeted Her Pregnant Gut In A Bikini

Yesterday afternoon, you couldn’t hit a celebrity site without seeing new pics of Ashlee Simpson in a bikini while on vacation with the entire Simpson clan in Hawaii, so naturally Jessica did what any pregnant sister who’s confident with her body would do in this situation: Hide inside and tweet pics of her gut i…

By: The Superficial / December 31, 2012

This Post Was About Kate Winslet Getting Married, Then This Happened

Posted by Photo Boy

Kate Winslet secretly wed something called ‘Ned Rocknroll’ earlier this month, so let’s all go ahead and assume that’s just a hairdoll made from Leonardo DiCaprio’s beard trimmings and move on to a much more pressing matter. That pic up there. Yep, that’s Jessica Simpson’s husband, Eric Johnson, gazing…

By: Photo Boy / December 27, 2012

And Jessica Simpson’s Pregnant Again. Yup.

“I can have fudge now?!”

So remember when everyone kept joking that Jessica Simpson would eventually get tired of trying to exercise away her baby weight for Weight Watchers and just get pregnant again. SURPRISE! And someone get me my broker, I want a controlling interest in Chili’s by end of business. Time…

By: The Superficial / November 28, 2012

Jessica Simpson Wore Skinny Jeans

“And once again, this isn’t a Fuddrucker’s. Every time…

Here’s Jessica Simpson wearing what people with vaginas tell me are “skinny jeans” which after tuning said vagina talkers out, I assume means they make your legs look thinner while doing absolutely nothing for your upper body. In fact, I’d go so far to…

By: The Superficial / November 19, 2012

See? Jessica & Ashlee Simpson Didn’t Choose Sides In Their Parent’s Divorce

As their parents battle through a nasty divorce that may or may not be because Papa Joe has been gay this whole time (It was.), rumors were circulating that Jessica and Ashlee were choosing sides and not speaking to each other. Except here’s the two of them promoting Jessica’s new clothing line together, so clearly…

By: The Superficial / November 12, 2012

Jessica Simpson Finally Gave Birth, World Asks ‘Really, Just One?’

Posted by Photo Boy – Ed. Note: Pics are from December but were chosen for two reasons. A) That’s the approximate size I envision her newborn to be. B) Breasts.

Congratulations are in order because Maxwell Drew Johnson finally escaped the double order of Chili’s Texas Chese Fries she’s been gestating in. That’…

By: Photo Boy / May 1, 2012

Ashlee Simpson: ‘Jessica Isn’t Squeezing Out A Kid Anytime Soon’

While looking so thin and pretty Minka Kelly couldn’t resist sticking her hand up her shirt, Ashlee Simpson basically let reporters know that her gigantic billionaire sister is going to get even larger which is exactly how I’d deflect from the fact I used to have sex with Pete Wentz, too. Well played. Us Weekly

By: The Superficial / April 3, 2012

Supposedly Ashlee Simpson Looks ‘Great’ Here

This may come as a shock to you, but I’m not a maven of high fashion society, so I really have no clue why everyone was raving about how “amazing” Ashlee Simpson looked at the SAG Awards last night. Maybe because she’s not standing next to a sobbing little boy with girl’s hair? Or maybe…

By: The Superficial / January 30, 2012

And Now The Part Of Jessica Simpson’s Pregnancy We’ve All Been Waiting For

“Nobody panic, but I’m pretty sure a seam just pop- HIT THE DECK!”

Here’s Jessica Simpson with sister Ashlee and nephew Bronx Mowgli who has absolutely no idea how close he is to getting lodged between his aunt’s rapidly engorging breasts and lost forever. Which is why I’m glad a Chili’s opened u…

By: The Superficial / December 1, 2011

Ashlee Simpson’s in a Bikini

Under the watchful, always watchful eyes of Papa Joe, the whole Simpson clan slipped down to Mexico for a little family vacay over the weekend where Ashlee brought her new boyfriend and pranced around in a bikini as Jessica hid under a poncho. Not so much out of shame, as much as she had pork…

By: The Superficial / September 26, 2011

Ashlee Simpson is Drunk Dialing Pete Wentz Now

“Thank you! And you’re baby is so cute, too. Have you used him to make a little emo bitch cry yet? Ohmygod, it’s adorable.”

Because I enjoy a good Ashlee Simpson makes Pete Wentz cry tale as much as the next male knitting guild champ, here’s a little yarn about Ashlee taking after…

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2011

Jessica Simpson Isn’t Wearing Any Pants

Here’s a pantsless Jessica Simpson on a photo shoot in Beverly Hills Saturday where she apparently posed with her sister Ashlee and nephew Bronx Mowgli. Because if there’s one things children love, it’s carelessly exposed vaginas. Just ask Britney Spears’ kids provided they can stop screaming and yelling about the turkey sandwich that tried to…

By: The Superficial / May 9, 2011

So Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson Are Back Together

Apparently Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are just going to pretend she didn’t bang his best friend because here they are at Starbucks yesterday looking like a normal married couple going through the motions while dying a little more each day inside. That, or she’s really fucking with his head as payback for knocking her…

By: The Superficial / April 1, 2011

Ashlee Simpson Felt Sorry For Pete Wentz, So She Toyed With His Emotions

“Want to hear the most annoying sound in the world? EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Ashlee Simpson might have ended her marriage with Pete Wentz to bang his best friend, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still care about him. So like a kind, loving friend she hung out with him over the weekend knowing full well…

By: The Superficial / March 15, 2011

Ashlee Simpson is Banging Pete Wentz’s Best Friend

Former Chiodos lead singer Craig Owens was found by Pete Wentz who pretty much handed him project after project as the two became close friends. Which is why it’s hilarious that Craig decided to thank Pete by banging Ashlee Simpson within days of their divorce thus proving the universe was eventually going to get around…

By: The Superficial / March 10, 2011

Pete Wentz: ‘Ashlee Simpson Wouldn’t Stop Partying’

From the minute the papers were filed, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s divorce had been pinned entirely on Pete touring with a new band while Ashlee sat a home with the baby. Now his friends are coming forward and saying it was actually Ashlee who was out late partying for months with a “crew of…

By: The Superficial / February 18, 2011

Ashlee Simpson Divorced Pete Wentz To Stop Him From Touring

As people begin to remember Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz still exist, details surrounding their divorce have been pouring in like the fudge fountain in Jessica Simpson’s house, only with less marshmallows, gummy bears and Canadian bacon. While the general consensus is Pete doesn’t want the divorce, RadarOnline reports that it may just be a…

By: The Superficial / February 10, 2011

Ashlee Simpson Filed For Divorce

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s marriage didn’t work out which means she’s free to follow in her sister’s footsteps and become a farting brickhouse of desperation. Thank God. TMZ reports:

In documents filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Simpson cites “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for…

By: The Superficial / February 9, 2011

Pete Wentz is a Great Dad

Call me old-fashioned, but I’m pretty sure you’re never supposed to carry a child by the butthole. I understand Pete Wentz has a coffee in one hand, but is gripping Bronx Mowgli by the ass-cheek really the best way to transport a toddler across the street? Because that just seems like a warning sign to…

By: The Superficial / February 1, 2011
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