Ali Lohan


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Lindsay Lohan Is Telling People She FaceTimed Oprah On Christmas

Lindsay Lohan thinks she FaceTimed Oprah on Christmas. Oh, cocaine, what’ll you think of next!? More »

Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Virus’ Is Excuse To Get Out Of Jail, And There It Is

In a shocking turn of events, Lindsay Lohan’s mosquito virus bullshit turned out to be a lie to get out of completing her court-ordered community service. Will the judge give her an extension? Will she land back in jail? Will she blow someone, anyone to make this all go away or for cash or drugs? More »

We Know What You Look Like In A Bikini, Lindsay

Because Lindsay Lohan lives in an imaginary world where she’s a sober Oscar-winning actress and not a prostitute who files frivolous lawsuits for money on the side, why would she be aware of a worldwide information system with readily available photographs of how she really looks in a bikini? So here she is on Instagram… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s In A Bikini Again

When you’re a hard-working actress fresh off of an award for Biggest Comeback, it’s important to take a moment and relax on the yacht you’ve been blowing a man to be on for the past week. Also, pop a lot of zits. That’s really the key to this whole sexy stew. I’m talking way more… More »

Lindsay’s F*cking Up ‘Speed-The-Plow’ Already

If Lindsay Lohan has one talent, it’s begging and pleading and blowing and promising not to act like Lindsay Lohan if she gets just one more chance, and then acting exactly like Lindsay Lohan once some idiot gives her that chance. And now that idiot is David Mamet who really did cast her in “Speed-The-PlowMore »

Rosie O’Donnell: ‘Lindsay Lohan Shouldn’t Be Playing Elizabeth Taylor Or Anyone’

Thanks to being fired from the sinking ship known as OWN, Rosie O’Donnell has lots of free time on her hands, so naturally she stopped by TODAY this morning to talk shit about Lindsay Lohan officially landing the role of Elizabeth Taylor in a Lifetime made-for-TV movie:

“I feel very sorry for her,’’… More »

Lindsay & Ali Lohan Tell Dina She Looks Like Ass

After years of being subjected to her drunken, tyrannical pimp-rule, Lindsay Lohan and her sister Ali are apparently trying to force their mom Dina into a self-conscious pit of depression where, God-willing, she’ll drink herself to death which is how I chose to read this. Us Weekly reports:

“My girls are always telling… More »

Lindsay Lohan Is A Serious Actress Now

Here’s Lindsay Lohan arriving at JFK yesterday where she made it a point to cover her face with a movie “script” conveniently labeled “Untitled.” So just assume Dina drank 20 gins on the flight and convinced Lindsay this plan would work because cocaine makes you stupid shit. “Listen… listen… you should listen. Pudtha script allova… More »

Ali Lohan Is Dying

What you’re looking are just released photos of Ali Lohan in Hawaii on Monday and not a bleached white starving Ethopian robbing a CD store only to be thwarted by a gust of wind. Then again, I’ve been wrong about so, so many things before. Right, Reese Witherspoon’s uterus? (I know you were vacuumed.)
More »

Lindsay Lohan Bailed On Ellen

Lindsay Lohan managed to talk Playboy down to only making her do one promotional appearance for her cover issue which was supposed to happen yesterday on Ellen, and you’ll never guess how that went. Gossip Cop reports:

Gossip Cop has learned the actress did NOT board her flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles. More »

Lindsay Lohan Brought Little Sister Ali To Playboy Shoot

“And then this morning, this scarf had sugar all over it. I swear the maid is wearing them while eating donuts, but if I could just prove it…”

Because a family that stares at each other’s freckle curtains, stays together, Lindsay Lohan apparently brought her little sister Ali to her recent Playboy shoot… More »

Abused Women Aren’t ‘Fulfilling’ Enough For Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan is due in court today where, without even knowing the probation department is backing her, it’s basically guaranteed to be a wag of the finger and some bullshit stern talk that means virtually nothing. Anyway, wheels have already been set into motion to put her on morgue duty for the rest of her… More »

Dina Lohan Thinks Ali is Healthy, Would Never Exploit Her Children

Ali Lohan looks like this now (She used to look this in July.), but there’s absolutely no cause for alarm, everybody. Dina Lohan, supermom, isn’t worried at all, and if there’s one person who knows a thing or two about raising healthy, well-adjusted daughters, it’s the woman who sloughed Lindsay Lohan out of her babyhole. More »

Lindsay Lohan Says Ali is Healthy

Because Lindsay Lohan is a trusted authority on healthy body images, here she is defending her sister Ali from accusations of anorexia and generally looking like Russell Brand. Via Twitter:

I love how haters pick on my sister yet every runway model is just as thin! My sister is gorgeous and I’m so… More »

Ali Lohan Denies Getting Plastic Surgery, Is ‘Just Growing Up,’ You Guys

After being photographed in Beverly Hills earlier in the week, Ali Lohan (above) has been accused of getting plastic surgery, or at minimum Botox, along with starving herself to death presumably via a diet of coke scraps left over by Lindsay which I’m clearly joking about because Lindsay would crack Ali’s face open and snort… More »

Ali Lohan Looks Healthy

In all the hustle and bustle of watching Lindsay Lohan flagrantly wave her freckle flaps at the court system, we forget that there’s a young, impressionable girl who’s been living with her/standing ready with an adrenaline needle for the past four years now because Dina Lohan prefers a more Laissez faire style of parenting that… More »

‘There Is Another… Sky.. walker.’

As Lindsay Lohan prepares to appear in court today knowing she’ll never see the inside of a jail cell – her usual Friday – 16-year-old Ali Lohan is quietly being groomed in the wings to carry her sister’s torch so their mother will never have to get a real job. Here she is posing for… More »

Lindsay Lohan allowed near milkshakes again

Because sanitary is her middle name, Lindsay Lohan was invited back to Millions of Milkshakes last night where she made a drink that was auctioned off for charity or whatever bullshit Mr. Millions had to tell himself to sleep at night. Personally, I don’t see how Lindsay Lohan could entice families to frequent an… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s dad wants that conservatorship

Michael Lohan is apparently following through on his threat to pursue a conservatorship over Lindsay Lohan because Jamie Spears isn’t better than him. But in the meantime, Lindsay and her sister Ali are filing restraining orders against Michael if you consider Dina Lohan a reliable source. Us Magazine reports:

“We will be getting… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s life is awesome

While her dad is threatening conversatorships or whatever the hell he has to say to keep him and his starfucker fiance mugging for the cameras, Lindsay Lohan is now being named as a suspect in the theft of a $35,000 Rolex. TMZ reports:

We’re told the watch belongs to one of Lindsay’s “friends,” More »

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