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Who Dared Deny Alexander Skarsgard A Loincloth For Tarzan?

Alexander Skarsgard tried to wear a loincloth in The Legend of Tarzan, but the director wasn’t having it. More »


Alexander Skarsgard Supports Gun Control, PUSSSSSHHHH!

Alexander Skarsgard. Gun control. SOMEBODY BOIL WATER! More »


Alexander Skarsgard With Animals Will Detonate Your Ovaries Now

Alexander Skarsgard kissing animals just gave them dominion over the earth. They outnumber us now. It’s too late. More »



So Japan Is Pregnant, The Whole Thing

Alexander Skarsgard went to Japan. It’s all over for us now. More »


Who Wants To See Alexander Skarsgard Impregnate An Entire Awards Show?

Alexander Skarsgard just knocked out the next 14 seasons of Teen Mom. Oh, good. More »


Alexander Skarsgard Swinging Around Shirtless Has A New Trailer

Alexander Skarsgard will sexinate your ovaries now. Even if you don’t have them. More »



Alexander Skarsgard’s Tarzan Abs Have A Trailer, Too


It’s Alexander Skarsgard As Tarzan #ChangeDemPanties #uPregnant

Alexander Skarsgard as Tarzan is here to make you ovulate. More »


Alexander Skarsgard Wore Drag To A Premiere Just ‘Cause

The Skarsgard’s ways are not ours to understand. Until at least the third trimester. More »



Alexander Skarsgard Is Back

There had been whispers of Alexander Skarsgard’s return except everyone took them as myths, hearsay, wistful dreams whispered on a summer wind. And then your water broke. More »


Rich People Pretending To Be Groovy Hippies, Man

Now that we’ve seen Leonardo DiCaprio dancing, the continued effects of lupus on the mind, and British on Dutch foreplay, here’s the rest of the rich people pretending to be earth spirits or some stupid shit they told themselves on the jet ride over. In their defense, they only get 30-40 weeks a year to… More »


Well, That Explains The Polar Vortex

The South Pole’s pregnant. It’s having a baby. I don’t know why science didn’t think of it first.

Photo: InstagramMore »



Jamie Dornan Will Pull Dakota Johnson’s Pubes For Your Mom Now

So remember when I said Aaron Taylor-Johnson is the new Christian Grey? Just kidding, it’s whoever the fuck Jamie Dornan is. More importantly, Deadline reports it was almost Alexander Skarsgard who I’ll just assume got tired of starring in shitty porn that tries to pretend it’s not porn, but everybody knows it’s porn. Plus this… More »


Taylor Swift Is Pregnant

Before everyone accurately calls that headline flagrantly irresponsible click-bait, here’s Taylor Swift standing next to Alexander Skarsgard after having dinner with the cast of The Giver last night, so I think I’ve provided more than enough proof. A sonogram would’ve been less reliable. More importantly, now we know the name of Taylor’s next album which… More »


It’s Just Alexander Skarsgård As A Shirtless, Christ-Like Cult Leader, NBD

Above is the new video for “Free Your Mind” by the Australian band Cut Copy who I’ve never heard of before, but wish them well on the birth of their 18-tuplets which is the only way this project could’ve started right out of the gate. On that note, if you’ve ever wanted to see AlexanderMore »



Alexander Skarsgard & Prince Harry Are Racing Each Other To The South Pole For Charity

Because there’s been a lot of nips, maybe vaginas and giant, store-bought breasts lately, I thought I’d take a minute to give the ladies some eye.. some eye.. hold on a second. – *reaches down, palms out baby, hands it to Photo Boy, whispers “No, no, the one behind Quiznos,” goes back to writing* -… More »


Alexander Skarsgard Went Full Frontal On ‘True Blood’ Last Night. Clear Your Afternoon.

Unless you work in a maternity ward, you probably have no idea that there’s been an 800% increase in child births in the past 15 hours. And the reason for that is Alexander Skarsgard went full frontal on the season finale of True Blood last night. And by full frontal I do mean Swedish Thunder-penis. More »


Ellen Page Wants Better Lady Porn By Ladies Who Understand Ladies

Where does she find the time for activism with the 27 kids Alexander Skarsgard’s watching fall out of her?

Ellen Page has been a fierce advocate for raising awareness of causes I can’t remember in the past, so it only makes sense that she’s turned her attention to a subject that affects the… More »



Alexander Skarsgard Is Wounded. He Needs You!

I almost didn’t want to post these because they’re too difficult to look at, but here’s a bruised and beaten Alexander Skarsgard who I’m assuming ran into somebody’s husband that apparently didn’t appreciate seeing triplets fly out of his wife’s vagina and/or the strange, yet exciting passion he experienced after gazing upon Alexander Skarsgard’s face… More »


And Now 10 Minutes of Alexander Skarsgard Making Beautiful Love To A Woman For Calvin Klein

Here’s the almost 10 minute long Calvin Klein commercial disguised as a short film Provocations starring Alexander Skarsgard where he apparently demonstrates his ability to still make love to a woman even while tumbling down a hill made completely of gravel. Which is honestly all I watched because I’m not about to sit here and… More »


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