Posts tagged "Alexander Skarsgard"

Alexander Skarsgard Is Back

There had been whispers of Alexander Skarsgard’s return except everyone took them as myths, hearsay, wistful dreams whispered on a summer wind. And then your water broke.

By: The Superficial / January 26, 2015

Rich People Pretending To Be Groovy Hippies, Man

Now that we’ve seen Leonardo DiCaprio dancing, the continued effects of lupus on the mind, and British on Dutch foreplay, here’s the rest of the rich people pretending to be earth spirits or some stupid shit they told themselves on the jet ride over. In their defense, they only get 30-40 weeks a year to…

By: The Superficial / April 14, 2014

Well, That Explains The Polar Vortex

The South Pole’s pregnant. It’s having a baby. I don’t know why science didn’t think of it first.

Photo: Instagram

By: The Superficial / January 8, 2014

Jamie Dornan Will Pull Dakota Johnson’s Pubes For Your Mom Now

So remember when I said Aaron Taylor-Johnson is the new Christian Grey? Just kidding, it’s whoever the fuck Jamie Dornan is. More importantly, Deadline reports it was almost Alexander Skarsgard who I’ll just assume got tired of starring in shitty porn that tries to pretend it’s not porn, but everybody knows it’s porn. Plus thi…

By: The Superficial / October 24, 2013

Taylor Swift Is Pregnant

Before everyone accurately calls that headline flagrantly irresponsible click-bait, here’s Taylor Swift standing next to Alexander Skarsgard after having dinner with the cast of The Giver last night, so I think I’ve provided more than enough proof. A sonogram would’ve been less reliable. More importantly, now we know the name of Taylor’s next album which…

By: The Superficial / October 22, 2013

It’s Just Alexander Skarsgård As A Shirtless, Christ-Like Cult Leader, NBD

Above is the new video for “Free Your Mind” by the Australian band Cut Copy who I’ve never heard of before, but wish them well on the birth of their 18-tuplets which is the only way this project could’ve started right out of the gate. On that note, if you’ve ever wanted to see Alexander

By: The Superficial / October 11, 2013

Alexander Skarsgard & Prince Harry Are Racing Each Other To The South Pole For Charity

Because there’s been a lot of nips, maybe vaginas and giant, store-bought breasts lately, I thought I’d take a minute to give the ladies some eye.. some eye.. hold on a second. – *reaches down, palms out baby, hands it to Photo Boy, whispers “No, no, the one behind Quiznos,” goes back to writing* -…

By: The Superficial / September 11, 2013

Alexander Skarsgard Went Full Frontal On ‘True Blood’ Last Night. Clear Your Afternoon.

Unless you work in a maternity ward, you probably have no idea that there’s been an 800% increase in child births in the past 15 hours. And the reason for that is Alexander Skarsgard went full frontal on the season finale of True Blood last night. And by full frontal I do mean Swedish Thunder-penis.

By: The Superficial / August 19, 2013

Ellen Page Wants Better Lady Porn By Ladies Who Understand Ladies

Where does she find the time for activism with the 27 kids Alexander Skarsgard’s watching fall out of her?

Ellen Page has been a fierce advocate for raising awareness of causes I can’t remember in the past, so it only makes sense that she’s turned her attention to a subject that affects the…

By: The Superficial / June 28, 2013

Alexander Skarsgard Is Wounded. He Needs You!

I almost didn’t want to post these because they’re too difficult to look at, but here’s a bruised and beaten Alexander Skarsgard who I’m assuming ran into somebody’s husband that apparently didn’t appreciate seeing triplets fly out of his wife’s vagina and/or the strange, yet exciting passion he experienced after gazing upon Alexander Skarsgard’s face…

By: The Superficial / March 8, 2013

And Now 10 Minutes of Alexander Skarsgard Making Beautiful Love To A Woman For Calvin Klein

Here’s the almost 10 minute long Calvin Klein commercial disguised as a short film Provocations starring Alexander Skarsgard where he apparently demonstrates his ability to still make love to a woman even while tumbling down a hill made completely of gravel. Which is honestly all I watched because I’m not about to sit here and…

By: The Superficial / February 5, 2013

Alexander Skarsgard & Kenneth The Page Have Lunch Dates All The Time. NBD.

“If it’s a girl, throw it off a cliff.”
“Yes sir, Mr. Vampire, sir.”

I make a lot of jokes about Alexander Skarsgard literally banging everything in his path, but at the end of the day, I like to pretend it’s just wholesome family joshing about because otherwise that would mean there…

By: The Superficial / February 4, 2013

Alexander Skarsgård Will Bang Sundance Now

Fun Fact: Alexander Skarsgård isn’t even in this movie. He’s that good.


Legend has it Alexander Skarsgård’s penis sings this exact song to you after it bangs you. Which is a joke, of course, because scientists don’t even have a form of measurement that accurately reflect…

By: The Superficial / January 21, 2013

There’s No Way That’s Alexander Skargard’s Penis. Just No Way.

Here’s Alexander Skarsgard at the Warner Bros./InStyle Golden Globes Party last night where Photo Boy and I absolutely refuse to believe he’s Hamm-boning it here because c’mon. No one gets to be that internationally good looking, desired by man, woman and beast alike AND have a gigantic penis. I mean.. Jesus. No wonder Rihanna banged

By: The Superficial / January 14, 2013

Alexander Skarsgard Banged Olivia Munn Now

“Look at that smile I put on Mario Batali’s face, you sly dog…”

Life & Style reports Alexander Skarsgard touched Olivia Munn’s arm at the HBO Official Emmy After Party Sunday night which is way more than I needed to hear to know he Mjolnir’d her vagina. They could’ve simply wrote “Olivia Mu…

By: The Superficial / September 26, 2012

The Skarsgard Seed Is Strong

“On three, we find the nearest clinic and vacuum these things out of us.”

If Alexander Skarsgard is the true Nordic God of Sex-Thunder and not some Australian facsimile with delicious abs who foolishly got married and sired a child the second he made it big with his delicious abs, then his father…

By: The Superficial / August 27, 2012

Calvin Klein Made Alexander Skarsgard GIFs

Put this on and prepare to lose hours of your life if not days. In fact, some of you might not be going home tonight, so I want you to know I’ll always cherish the times you clicked on this site so I didn’t have to wear pants.

See you on the other…

By: The Superficial / August 22, 2012

Alexander Skarsgard Wants To Be In ‘Zoolander 2′

Is it blasphemy if I ask, “Hey, when did Macaulay Culkin start working out?” because I feel like I’m going to be struck by lightning. Pregnant lightning.

After word hit that a Zoolander sequel is finally happening, Alexander Skarsgard apparently started pitching his way into it which I’ll just assume involves him promising…

By: The Superficial / August 7, 2012

Anna Paquin’s Pregnant With Twins

“Ohmygod, Joe Manganiello’s penis just landed on my foot. MEDIC!”

Us Weekly reports Anna Paquin is having twins which is incredible because she’s been pregnant for months now and this is the first anyone’s heard of it. Including Stephen Moyer who could’ve sworn they were only having one before going to Comic-Con thi…

By: The Superficial / July 17, 2012

Alexander Skarsgard Will Eat Your Taco

Lupita Hernandez had come to America with nothing but the dream of starting a family. But after years of scraping together every dime she had to see doctors all over California and asking every priest she could find to ask God to bless her with a child, she realized that version of her dream wasn’t…

By: The Superficial / June 26, 2012
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