A whole bunch of beautiful people you’ll probably never have sex with in costumes, anyone?
Alessandra Ambrosio’s breasts are like far out, man. Which actually makes them sound weird, so forget I said that because they’re awesome. I meant to say awesome.
It’s that time of the year again when celebrities spend thousands of dollars to hang out with other celebrities and pretend they’re all dirty hippies.
And to conclude our coverage of the Golden Globes, here are a bunch of celebrities at 18 different after parties celebrating themselves for starring in a three-hour long national broadcast celebrating themselves because they truly are our unsung heroes. Would it kill everybody to stop and talk about them more? They work totes hard.
I’ve got posts about a child molester and an alleged rapist coming up, so for something less depressing here’s Alessandra Ambrosio stripping for LOVE Magazine’s Advent 2014 which means Lindsay Lohan’s shitty video was sandwiched between a world-class supermodel and Emily Ratajkowski making it even more shitty because Kirk Cameron was right, the Christ-child is…
Now that we’ve seen Taylor Swift serenading a woman’s butt and Chris Hansen’s greatest sting yet, here’s the rest of The 2014 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show featuring models I didn’t have time to label, so it’s on you to remember what their names are. They have feelings, you bastard!
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook…
- Charlie Hunnam’s odds for being PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive. [Lainey Gossip]
- Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs were seen in public. I’m so sorry, people still into Twilight. [Dlisted]
- Megan Fox in lingerie covered with blood, anyone? [Fishwrapper]
- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE]
- Cara Delevingne’s dating a dude now.
- Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis may have just Punk’d us with their baby.[Lainey Gossip]
- Kim Kardashian forgot her baby in a hotel. [Dlisted]
- Sunday Is A Good Day For Lingerie [theCHIVE]
- Melissa Etheridge still thinks Angelina Jolie is an idiot for chopping off her breasts. [Fishwrapper]
– That real name Facebook…
- Jimmy Fallon put balls in Julia Roberts’ face. [Lainey Gossip]
- Cheryl Hines married a Kennedy whose rampant cheating drove his ex to suicide. Congratulations! [Dlisted]
– Monday is Future Lower Back Problems Day. [theCHIVE]
- Katy Perry wishes she was in the Illuminati. [Fishwrapper]
- Funny Girl Sex Guide: How To Watch Porn…
Now that we’ve seen Leonardo DiCaprio dancing, the continued effects of lupus on the mind, and British on Dutch foreplay, here’s the rest of the rich people pretending to be earth spirits or some stupid shit they told themselves on the jet ride over. In their defense, they only get 30-40 weeks a year to…
- Anna Wintour wants Victoria Beckham to commit suicide. There’s no hiding it anymore. [Lainey Gossip]
- Johnny Weir’s divorce seems like it’ll be a quiet, amicable affair. [Dlisted]
- There Are Sexy Chivers Among Us [theCHIVE]
- LeAnn Rimes isn’t a ticket draw anymore? GTFO. [Fishwrapper]
– Have dreams of banging a 20-year-old? Tough…
- Sure, Cate Blanchett looked great, but did she manually stimulate any statues? [Lainey Gossip]
– RIP, Colonel Meow [Dlisted]
- Bras Are Not Welcome Around Here [theCHIVE]
- Rihanna has lost her damn mind. [Fishwrapper]
– Methinks Kaley Cuoco doth Instagram too hard. [tooFab]
- Amazon might raise the prize of Prime by $20…
- The Amazing Spider-Man 2 has a second trailer. [Lainey Gossip]
- Hugh Jackman shirtless at the beach, anyone? [Dlisted]
- If You Like Tattoos, Get In Here [theCHIVE]
- Khloe Kardashian is a tortured soul, you guys. [Fishwrapper]
- Demi Lovato quit X Factor. [tooFab]
- Olive Garden and Red Lobster are in the…
Because we’re serious, comprehensive journalists, here’s the rest of The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show featuring everyone who’s not Candice Swanepoel or that chick who won’t shut up about her ex because they already got their own posts. Not that that means the rest of these models should commit suicide, but they probably shouldn’t look…
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Michael Bay should be doing absolutely nothing but making Victoria’s Secret commercials. Not so much that they’re works of genius – It’s pointing a camera at women who would look hot in a beekeeper’s suit. – but mostly so he stops doing anything else. Also, this…