Adam Levine


More Adam Levine stories

Adam Levine Got Sugar-Bombed

Adam Levine got sugar bombed and tried really hard not to cry about it. I can feel the joy swelling in you already. More »

Adam Levine & Behati Prinsloo Are Banging While Covered In Blood

Here’s the video for “Animals” which features Adam Levine stalking his wife Behati Prinsloo like a hipster serial killer before banging her naked body covered in blood. It’s the sexual fantasy of any healthy marriage provided your husband wants to fuck himself even harder in a meat locker which is also the vibe I got… More »

Adam Levine Did Not Have Sex With Lindsay Lohan’s Vaginarrhea (Too Fancy? You’re Right)

Just like James Franco, Adam Levine found himself on Lindsay Lohan’s handwritten list of celebrities she’s had sex with that somehow got sold to InTouch for currency that can be exchanged for cocaine. No one’s still quite figured it out. Anyway, just like James Franco again, Adam Levine wants to make it abundantly clear that… More »

Lindsay Lohan Wrote A List of All The Celebrities She’s Banged

Lindsay Lohan will do anything for money from blowing Charlie Sheen to letting Oprah televise what an unreliable and completely full of shit drug addict she is. Which is why it comes as no surprise that In Touch is now sitting on a handwritten (and naturally misspelled) list of celebrities Lindsay Lohan has slept withMore »

And Now Back To Celebrities: Whose Genitals Are They Touching?

Granted, terrorism is super indie cool now, let’s get back to bullshit celebrity engagements that mean absolutely nothing. This time around it’s Adam Levine proposing to Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo, according to Us Magazine:

Levine was previously linked to 21-year-old supermodel Nina Agdal, but the Maroon 5 frontman rekindled his relationship with… More »

Christina Aguilera Can Fit Into Jeans? There’s No Way That’s Right

Christina Aguilera almost exclusively wears stretchy pants or a form-hugging dress (both commando), except here she is actually wearing jeans while promoting The Voice last night. So if everyone could maybe shut up about elections and malfunctioning voter machines, let’s focus on how the hell something like this evens happen and who stands to gain… More »

Christina Aguilera Has Purple Hair Now

While all her contemporaries spend their summers fitting into bikinis – including Lindsay Lohan who’s 5/8ths freckle-hobbit – here’s Christina Aguilera in the strongest Spanx money can buy while promoting The Voice over the weekend because apparently she’s still on the show. Somehow scaring the shit out of Adam Levine while simultaneously wasting precious man-hours… More »

Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Imagination Already Skipped To The Part Where Adam Levine Rejects Her

Last week, Jennifer Love Hewitt informed the entire studio audience of The Ellen DeGeneres Show that she’s working on an elaborate system of traps to ensnare Adam Levine because she’s lonely and it’s sometimes nice to talk to people so she gets carried away. Anyway, she’s since realized this will make Adam less likely to… More »

Jennifer Love Hewitt Thinks She Can Bang Adam Levine Now

Adam Levine has spent the better part of a year alternating between banging super-thin model Anne V and complaining about Christina Aguilera’s weight ruining The Voice, so right off the bat, you can tell he’d be completely open to having sex with Jennifer Love Hewitt. “We’re a match made in heaven,” said the crazy in… More »

Adam Levine’s Terrified Of Christina Aguilera

Adam Levine apparently stopped by Howard Stern this week where he essentially made it clear he does not bitch about Christina Aguilera’s weight delaying production on The Voice, but instead repeatedly shats himself out of unfathomable terror until his model girlfriend’s vagina bathes him in a gold, rejuvenating light which is the only way to… More »

I Can Almost See Adam Levine’s Girlfriend’s Vagina And The Rest of The Grammys

Honestly, I don’t know why I bothered posting anything else.

Here’s the rest of The 54th Annual Grammy Awards featuring a bunch of people who didn’t get their own posts and not for lacking of showing up with a dude dressed up like The Pope because you stole Lady GaGa’s playbook while she… More »

Christina Aguilera’s Fat Is Ruining ‘The Voice’

Seen here taking her son to a show that claims Michael Jackson is “immortal” yet, somehow, not a single person goes, “Child sacrifice, ‘ey? Not on my watch,” Christina Aguilera’s weight is becoming the tights-wearing elephant in the room on the set of The Voice, according to the National Enquirer:

“Christina holds up… More »

This Was Holding Adam Levine’s Unit

Adam Levine recently posed nude for Cosmopolitan UK, but with his man-parts conveniently covered up by the disembodied hand of his girlfriend, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Anne Vyalitsyna-Iwasorderedinthemail. So here’s the two of them filming a Maroon 5 video in LA yesterday where they apparently have sex in a bed on top of a building… More »

Adam Levine Knows How to Fight Cancer

Amidst all the bikini photos and posts admiring the splendor of Coco, I get a lot of requests for some naked dudes on the site. Although 90% of them seem to come from that guy who writes the Brad Pitt blog that’s entirely about Lindsay. Anyway, here’s Adam Levine posing nude for the latest issue… More »