Sydney Leathers Didn’t Waste Any Time Cashing In On Anthony Weiner’s Wiener

By: The Superficial / August 6, 2013

The first time Anthony Weiner got busted digitally flailing his dick across America, it was because he was too stupid to consider the statistical likelihood that one of his recipients would be a Republican and egotistical enough to think she’d be so impressed by his cock to set aside partisan politics. No one’s dick is that good. Well, maybe… Anyway, this time around he was too stupid to remember we live in an opportunistic society where people will do anything and everything for fame and fortune. Which brings us to Sydney Leathers who was revealed as Anthony Weiner’s latest sexting mistress who’s already filmed a porno not even two weeks later. On top of that, she’s now writing an advice/tell-all column on how to use politician’s dicks to pole vault your way to easy money. Welcome to the new American dream:

#1: Indulge his crazy alter-ego, and whatever you do, don’t laugh at him. When in doubt, use a smiley-face and tell him you actually mean it.

Cliff Notes: Dear Al Qaeda, just send smiley face emoticons to American politicians and they’ll write the nuclear codes on their dicks and send it you. It’s that simple.

#2: Be a little coy first. Don’t be so aggressive.

Cliff Notes: Reject their affections until they get aggressive then gushingly submit to them. This will not backfire on any other women down the line, not that Sydney Leathers cares because she wrote this a few paragraphs earlier:

As far as Huma and his son, those are not my choices, and I was just one of many of Anthony’s women. I don’t believe there is some “sister’s code.” That’s a lie. Otherwise, infidelity wouldn’t exist. All is fair in love and war.

Cliff Notes For That: “Fuck your man, girl, so my phone don’t have to. Pssh.”

#3: Be prepared to make the first move, play on his ego and resist being sexual when he wants to be sexual. It will drive him crazy.

Cliff Notes: Tell Congressman X you can’t believe an important politician is interested in “little old me.” Say his thoughts on welfare reform give you the moists. Store incoming photos of his penis for profit.

#4: Figure out his weaknesses early on. If he’s insecure, you’ve hit gold. Then torture him by playing hard to get.

Cliff Notes: Fortunately for Sydney, Anthony Weiner’s weakness is spending every second of every day photographing his dick. And trying to be hip with these kids and their funky music:

Dangr33: you sure do run hot and cold. is that like a thing? been mia. not the over rated sri lankan rapper.
Sydney: I’m sorry. I’ve been very stressed out. I miss you though. I want you in my life every single day.

“Dropping the MIA references. Them panties gonna rain!” – Anthony Weiner after texting that

#5: Make him jealous and then switch it up and make him feel secure. Kind of like “48 Laws of Power.” Politicians are in it to win it so always be in “flirting campaign mode.”

Cliff Notes: Tell them your pussy is the New Hampshire primary. Got it.

#6: Go for someone who you know is tempted by hot chicks online. Once he’s interested, find out his fetish as soon as you can.

Cliff Notes: Search for “Anthony Weiner” on Facebook. (Why do I get the feeling she could’ve just wrote this and stopped there?)

#7: Give him more attention than he’s ever known from a woman. Tell him he is sexy, and be specific about why he is.

Cliff Notes: Is he married? His wife has already murdered his soul and prepared it for you.

#8: Find a horny non-politician to finance all the expensive shoes and lingerie pics you’re sexting your politician boyfriend. Constantly, be painting a picture of yourself in your politician’s brain.

Cliff Notes: Always be hooking on the side.

#9: Tell him how big his weiner is — especially if it’s Weiner.

Cliff Notes: Always be lying.

#10 Alternate between innocent and vague, then dirty and specific, and occasionally throw in a mention of something political he did.

Cliff Notes: Say you want him to Obamacare your butthole. Case in point:

Dangr33: so you won’t tell me what picture of me you like the most or turned you on the most? only tv?
Sydney: Specifically your health care rants were a huge turn on

Laugh now, but one day Steve Hirsch is going to overthrow the government and laugh that he literally had Sydney Leathers tell us all how he’s going to do it. After he made her masturbate in a porno first of course. Guns don’t grow on trees. Viva la revolucion!

Photos: Splash News