Suri Cruise still doesn’t exist

caption:

buttboy with latest purchase.

(see that guy in the background…who’s ass is he looking at?)

This just in: Tom and Kate will be revealing the baby pictures on Oprah. Like last time Tom will be jumping up and down some more, this time sitting on Kate’s lap as she is wearing a strap-on.

I took Suri.

Why would Katie need a turkey baster to get pregnant? All she has to do is borrow a pair of Lindsay Lohans underwear.

@54 *Zing*

PMSL@#52

Clearly she had a baby. There were pictures when she was pregnant and her shirt had blown up in the wind; you could see the baby belly. And then after she had the baby you could see stretch marks in one of the pictures from the endless soccer games they go to. But I am seriously starting to believe the theory that she had Suri long before the Tom Cruise timeline said she should have, so now they are waiting until the baby looks the right age. Makes sense.

curiouser and curiouser

I just don’t understand Mr_White_Crazy_American….

What crazy crack is this dude on?

Oh, come on. If Suri existed, friends of the family (especially scientology friends like John Travolta) would have seen her by now. I don’t think Katie ever looked pregnant, and any picture can be photoshopped.

Plus, these two are famous for public displays — whatever that happens to be. I’m surprised TC wasn’t dangling Suri out of the OR window the minute she came out. No, my fiends, she does not exist.

The aliens came and took Suri. Even they think Tom is too much of a freak to raise their little Scientologist.
TCLTC

….I have said it once….
Katie Holms hearts turkey baster and L.Ron’s thawed jiz…why?? you ask…because

TCLTC!!!!

….and TC claims

“I think it’s appalling that people have to live a life of drug addiction when I have personally helped people get off drugs,” Tom Cruise discusses Scientology treatments in the May 2006 issue of GQ magazine.

If he can single handedly cure drug addicts…he should wean himself off the cock…..fucker!!

Katie has been driven to a complete breakdown as is necessary for a cult to brainwash her. Seriously, have you ever seen a mother who didn’t want to show off her baby to friends and family?
So now Jada Pinkett Smith realizes that TC is “really weird”? Hope she’s not homeschooling her kids.l..
And yes, TCLTC.

45. If by “HIRE A PROSTITUTE”, you mean “meet him wearing nothing but kneepads, a strap-on, and a large dollop of KY”, and by “DRAW THE GAY DEMONS OUT OF HIM”, you mean “maniacally suck the spluge from his schlong until he passes out”, then by all means, cure Tom of “THE GAY”.

I’m sure you will both have a wonderful time on your gay cruise, and enjoy the “LIBTURD” salad!

I need to kidnap Katie and give it to her good.

Oh, and TC derives much joy from orally copulating the phallus.

Marceelf, actually Jada does. For your info, most homeschoolers are perfectly normal people. TC (who LTC) gives it a bad name. ;) But then, if his kids weren’t tutored by a Scientologist, they might be exposed to OUTSIDE IDEAS. IDEAS NOT PERMITTED. They might even get a REAL religion, a life, and Mommy Nic would be happy.

see….I told you – Brooke fucked it all up for them when she birthed her baby on Tom & Katie’s pretend ‘birth’-day.
And now that Brooke did cover shots of her new baby, they can’t show “Suri” because “Suri Klein” was born months earlier.
It’s probably why her name is Suri – short for TCLTC being a SURIgate dad……

69th

Posted by Valtrex on July 6, 2006 09:36 PM

I need to kidnap Katie and give it to her good

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well….Katie has only been with a turkey baster….so anything above that is an upgrade!

TCLTC

It’s easy, really. Neither of them have a new movie out to promote. You just see, once they do, we’ll be seeing a hell lot more than just Suri’s pics. And by a hell lot more I mean Tom’s pussy and Katie’s penis. Coz they just wanna show the world and alien society universal-wide how they really conceived the baby.

Even celebs can have babies with birth defects. They just dont know how to handle it yet. Wait for Tom to come out in favor of research for some disease here soon.

The real story is that instead of eating Katie’s placenta like originally planned, Cruise accidentally ate Suri instead.

Hey, it’s the closest he’s ever come to eating a girl. (BA-DA CHING!)

I read that Suri has an afro, dark skin, webbed feet, and a beak.

I heard that Tomo “Gay” Cruise was viciously mugged by an angry wasp last week…It ruined his happy meal at his local McDonalds as he was too upset to eat the rest of it after….poor bastard…

Are you all high? We HAVE seen Suri. Except her name is now Shiloh and she has a new mommy and daddy.

ScientCOCK agists DO NOT HAVE deformed or retarded babies, they have perfect fully formed humans that speak french, and eat their vegetables, and have white skin, pink cheeks and blue eyes.
Even black scientCOCKagists.
It’s the law.

the little known truth about the tragedy of the poor little missing baby shiloh…this is a case of placenta eating gone TOO FAR!!! DAMN YOU, TOM CRUISE, AND YOUR VORACIOUS APPETITE FOR PLACENTA….AND COCK!!!!

Maby it was a joke, oups marketing sorry !!

Seriously does anybody know where that damn baby is?? I mean, I’m sure it’s adorable and all, but WHERE IS IT??!

Maybe they are waiting till it’s old enough to have facial reconstruction surgery…

Or maybe it has some deadly disease and they don’t want people to know and they are spending as much time as possible with the baby before it croaks.

Or maybe Tom Cruise just wants publicity and so he’s keeping the baby hidden so all of us IDIOTS will talk about it and think about it and wonder where the hell his stupid little mutant is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tom Cruise has been seen out and about since less than 3 days after the baby was born, doing publicity for that piece of shit movie he has been promoting.
No word about mum and baby.
This man has been known to go on TV to promote his new HAIRCUT.
Tom knows a thing or two about handling the press.
The cult he promotes know a thing or two about handling the press.
There is something in this-and it could be something surprising and serious.
My gut tells me it’s that they have discovered-too late perhaps-that SURI means’MY DAD LOVES THE COCK’ in Ghugerati.
Fucking indian ethnic minority languages.
They fuck EVERYONE over.

There are so many logical ways to explain this. I just can’t pick one, but most do involve placenta-eating mishaps.

That poor kid hasn’t seen the light of day since it’s delivery, and won’t until her creepy parents ink a multi-million dollar “exclusive” photo deal. No way will they risk having that kid spotted and snapped before they can make a fortune off of her first pics.

THE GUY IN THE BACKGROUND IS LOOKING AT THE 2FT STOOL TOM CRUISE IS STANDING ON AND THINKING “Goddammit, I had no idea this fucker was so short”

TCLT 2-foot stool

Suri was probably drowned in Dawson’s Creek by a very Post Partum Stressed (but Prozac free) Katie Holmes.

Anyone remember this?

http://www.thesuperficial.com/2006/04/07/katie_holmes_looks_really_auth.html

I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire pregnancy was faked.

I have never liked Tom Cruise, and my friends used to laugh at me because I always said he has mean eyes. Here’s what really squicks me out about Katie–have you ever noticed how much she looks like TC? Ewww! He loves himself so much he went out and got a woman who looks just like him! Maybe the problem with Suri is that the gene pool was just too shallow…

I love reading these posts. You guys are soooooo funny. Thanks

(LOL @ 52!)

I read somewhere that there is speculation the media doesn’t want to give them a crap load of money for their baby pics because it will all go to Scientology, whereas Brad and Angelina gave all of theirs to charity.

I wouldn’t give them two cents for their fugly baby pics either if I knew the money was going to that psycho circus.

Has anyone noticed that in “The Wedding Crashers”, Vince Vaughn says that his imaginary childhood friend’s name was “Shiloh”?

Tom Cruise is sexy.

There was no pregnancy, the birth mother changed her mind and now they’re trying to find another baby girl that fits the profile and is the right age to fill the position. I mean, he’s been married twice and no babies and now poof…whatever. That’s why they applied for a birth certificate after 20 days when they realized that they needed a new baby so they could get a passport to go and pick one up.

http://www.jossip.com/gossip/tom-cruise/tom-cruise-is-gay-now-with-substantially-more-fake-evidence-20050629.php

I can’t wait to see how close they come to a non-biological baby that looks like it might be theirs…at least they can get the dark hair right. Even if you’re trying to keep your kids out of the spotlight you still let your closest friends visit. The whole thing stinks of scam. I’ll bet Katie is sorry she agreed to be with that weirdo in the first place.

Gotta say something about the Tom can’t conceive stuff, and we’ll see how it falls with y’all . . .
Nicole is a Catholic, and she did not want to have Tom’s baby. Over the ten years they were married, Nicole was treated to the upclose, personal CraHayZee evolution of Tom’s escalation through “the church.” That had to be an unpleasant ride, at the least. The adopted kids were having a rough enough time with the limelight and the Scientology, and she did not approve of the lifestyle, and was not going to let Tom wrangle total control of the kids’ education, religion, medical care, etc. And then, to everyone’s surprise, Nicole did get pregnant. Doesn’t anyone remember this part of the rumor mill? And Tom unleashed his Scientology Supremacy Spawn plan on Nicole, who wisely yanked the brakes. Then came rumors of her miscarriage and emotional turmoil. I sincerely doubt she was heartbroken over splitting from TomTom. I think she was truly devastated because she had an abortion. That’s apparently really bad news for Catholics (I’m not, so i dunno). I mean, she’s so religious she had her marriage annulled in the eyes of the church before she remarried-divorce did not suffice. So, in sum: Tom can conceive. Nicole had higher standards for her future than Katie. Poor, poor Katie.

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