Suri Cruise still doesn’t exist

July 6th, 2006 // 93 Comments

It’s been three months since Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ gave birth to Suri and she still hasn’t been seen, even by their closest friends. A source tells Us Weekly Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to show her to fellow Scientologists John Travolta, Kelly Preston and Lisa Marie Presley. Even their good friends Will and Jada Pinkett Smith haven’t met her, despite repeated calls to Cruise.

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Comments (93)

  1. okiedoke | July 6, 2006 at 1:36 pm

    FIRST! :-)

    Reply
  2. ashley86 | July 6, 2006 at 1:36 pm

    first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  3. ashley86 | July 6, 2006 at 1:36 pm

    ughhh i guess not… so close tho!!

    Reply
  4. okiedoke | July 6, 2006 at 1:37 pm

    At least they didn’t sell Suri as soon as she was born like that “other” couple.

    Reply
  5. TheHappyRobot | July 6, 2006 at 1:37 pm

    i totally called this back in ’98.

    Reply
  6. Rimmer | July 6, 2006 at 1:37 pm

    Still a no show? Well, they’re probably waiting till they can perform the sex change. Cause TC realy really LTC.

    Reply
  7. bootface | July 6, 2006 at 1:38 pm

    she was sacrificed at birth

    Reply
  8. rachie | July 6, 2006 at 1:39 pm

    I love how there’s so much more evidence that she’s fake then evidence that she’s real.

    Reply
  9. tinyTy | July 6, 2006 at 1:42 pm

    Okay, remember how Tom and Nicole couldn’t have kids? After the divorce Nicole said in an interview that she’d like to have a baby someday. So if she wasn’t the problem, how can these two have a biological baby? I’m not sure how it’s connected, but it must be dammit! There’s no baby because the deal for the one they bought didn’t pan out. I hate Tom.

    Reply
  10. Fugurself | July 6, 2006 at 1:42 pm

    Heard that Tom went to Japan to film.

    And the Sushi bars prepared for his visit by serving raw placenta with wasabi.
    But you have to eat it silently, so
    shhhhhhhhh!

    Reply
  11. CoJo | July 6, 2006 at 1:43 pm

    Tom began eating the placenta and thought it was so good, he ate the whole baby.

    Reply
  12. i_love_superficialUK | July 6, 2006 at 1:43 pm

    Suri Cruise exists…in the world where Paris Hilton’s virginity, Pammy Anderson’s subtlety & K-Fed’s intelligence live.

    The Land of Make Believe.

    Reply
  13. Fugurself | July 6, 2006 at 1:47 pm

    #11 very funny. But it may also be that since Tom is shorter than a penguin, Suri actually looks like a tadpole. It might take another 10 years for her to look like a baby.

    Reply
  14. DancingQueen | July 6, 2006 at 1:54 pm

    They think this shit is weird??? This is the same guy who jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch for God’s sake. He is a FREAK plain and simple. Oh yeah, and he is particularly fond of the male phallic symbol.

    Reply
  15. okiedoke | July 6, 2006 at 1:57 pm

    #10 – ROFLMAO!!!!

    Reply
  16. eatmyass_sherry-co | July 6, 2006 at 1:59 pm

    HOW is this news and/or gossip? I thought this was given information because

    Wait for it….

    TCLTC!

    Reply
  17. jrzmommy | July 6, 2006 at 2:02 pm

    Take your pick:
    A) the baby is hideously deformed
    B) the biological mother changed her mind
    C) they’re still bleaching the orphan from Rwanda’s skin to make it as cauc. as possible
    Regardless, no baby with Tom Cruise DNA came out of her. No way. No how.

    Reply
  18. endometriorama | July 6, 2006 at 2:02 pm

    She’s in the Sea Org, people. Look it up.

    Reply
  19. kandyk0119 | July 6, 2006 at 2:10 pm

    19th ooohhhhhheeeeeee I’m cool

    Reply
  20. RichPort | July 6, 2006 at 2:15 pm

    The child hasn’t emerged from it’s cocoon yet, having just completed the larvae stage of her metamorphosis. We’ll all know when the child is born because we may have to borrow Godzilla from the Japs… I hear it’s like Rodan II.

    Reply
  21. francesfarmer | July 6, 2006 at 2:18 pm

    I can’t believe how Cruise was talking about how excited he was to be a father and he wants to have 10 more kids, like he had completely forgotten about the two kids he adopted with Kidman, I bet they feel shafted

    Reply
  22. Jacq | July 6, 2006 at 2:19 pm

    Who wants to invite their friends over to coo about a prosthetic stomach?

    And TCLTC.

    Reply
  23. pop | July 6, 2006 at 2:20 pm

    didn’t baby suri die in a plan crash when her and tom both ejected?? oh wait, that was topgun….

    http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  24. Jacq | July 6, 2006 at 2:22 pm

    It’ll be totally obvious who the dad is when that child is photographed with an enlarged forehead, floppy ears and a dopey, vacant smirk like Chris Klein.

    Reply
  25. Cooky | July 6, 2006 at 2:23 pm

    i think its a little weard that they dont let anyone near the baby, problably because the baby Suri doesn t look like her daddy lolol….If i was him i would ask for a DNA test ,who is he joking everyone knows he cant have kids poor thing …….

    Reply
  26. IFuckingHateYou | July 6, 2006 at 2:29 pm

    Tom Cruise loves the cock.
    TCLTC
    TCLTC
    TCLTC
    TCLTC
    TCLTC
    It’s been too long since I’ve said that, i feel better already. Thanks Tom Cruise, please celebrate by renting yourself a little man-whore and enjoying his cock.

    Reply
  27. Jacq | July 6, 2006 at 2:30 pm

    That guy on the right is thinking, “Look at those fucking freaks.”

    Reply
  28. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest | July 6, 2006 at 2:32 pm

    People slam scientology but if you think about it all the other religions are just as ridiculous. In fact the guys that came up with scientology are geniuses. They are selling their self-help crap tax free under the guise of “religion”.

    Reply
  29. francesfarmer | July 6, 2006 at 2:43 pm

    More people have died for religion than any other reason in the history of man kind. I think it’s time Tom Cruise added himself to the long list

    Reply
  30. cruzin333 | July 6, 2006 at 2:48 pm

    The too-big belly on Kate was all a fluke. And remember that public appearance with the nursing bra hanging out, and Kate looking like hell? Another tactic cooked up to make it appear Suri actually exists. But like you guys have already said, Tom can’t HAVE kids…

    It’s all a ploy for media attention. “Kate” hasn’t really done anything since her Dawson’s Creek days, and everybody knows TCLTC, so he’s trying to make us think he can actually impregnate a woman. But we’re all too smart for them!

    Reply
  31. lickmylipstick | July 6, 2006 at 2:49 pm

    The explanation is simple: Tom Cruise believes his given birth to Scientiology’s equation of Jesus. Either that or it’s an alien.

    Reply
  32. tinyTy | July 6, 2006 at 3:00 pm

    But what’s wrong with lovin’ the cock? I totally understand Tom, the cock is a wonderous and lucious thing.

    TTLTC

    Reply
  33. MissyDra | July 6, 2006 at 3:12 pm

    You know, I have been seeing “TCLTC” for a long time now and I just figured out what it meant. At least it was before #26.. I’m not that thick.

    Well, mebee a little.

    Reply
  34. SpecialAgentWind | July 6, 2006 at 3:13 pm

    All that just to steal Brooke Shields “not going to wanna kill my second baby” thunder. Sure the egg on his face when this all implodes will feel good to him, as if it was just another load of man juice.

    Reply
  35. tinyTy | July 6, 2006 at 3:18 pm

    Oh, maybe Katy has post partum depression. That would be awesome and so deserved!

    Reply
  36. tinyTy | July 6, 2006 at 3:19 pm

    The point of my last post being that’s why they’re hiding away.

    Reply
  37. bunnyhugger | July 6, 2006 at 3:22 pm

    #4
    didn’t i read on the SF that they did indeed try to pimp out the baby’s pics, but were only offered $3 mil as opposed to the $4mil that those other two got.
    and, # 28, please do a little research. first of all the “guys” that came up with scientology was ONE guy who was a bad science fiction writer, and a psychotic (that’s not a slam, he truly was. that’s how he got himself out of the armed forces). want some scary reading?
    http://www.xenu.net/

    Reply
  38. buckinggrimace | July 6, 2006 at 3:25 pm

    I seem to recall that just after Tom and Nicole split, Nicole announced she had a miscarriage. Tom also blamed the split on Nicole, saying “Nic knows what she did”. WTF?

    TCL……eh, whatev….

    Reply
  39. bunnyhugger | July 6, 2006 at 3:28 pm

    #4
    didn’t i read on the SF that they did indeed try to pimp out the baby’s pics, but were only offered $3 mil as opposed to the $4mil that those other two got.
    and, # 28, please do a little research. first of all the “guys” that came up with scientology was ONE guy who was a bad science fiction writer, and a psychotic (that’s not a slam, he truly was. that’s how he got himself out of the armed forces). want some scary reading?
    http://www.xenu.net/

    Reply
  40. bunnyhugger | July 6, 2006 at 3:31 pm

    fucking double posts.

    Reply
  41. jrzmommy | July 6, 2006 at 3:33 pm

    Did anyone else hear about President Putin kissing a little boy? It sounds pretty pedophile.
    http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/07/06/russia.putin.reut/index.html

    Reply
  42. nightshirt | July 6, 2006 at 3:37 pm

    he cant have kids because he was once a girl and had a sex change. his mom hated men so much after his father left that she had him castrated. cant believe mimi rogers and nicole kidman led the lien and let it go on. i wonder what he has done to keep them shut up? and his adopted kids? they are lovely but do you think they know? LOL

    Reply
  43. Nikk The Templar | July 6, 2006 at 3:48 pm

    This is getting to be really suspicious. I’m think they’re holding out on showing little Suri until they get some astromnomical payment from the tabloids…like a ransom.

    Or Katie was just faking it to make Tom look like a sane hetero male.

    Reply
  44. TOPAZ21 | July 6, 2006 at 3:57 pm

    #41
    Yeah I read about that…and I think putin is kinda hot. eeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!
    what did i just say?

    Reply
  45. Mr_White_Secure_American | July 6, 2006 at 4:09 pm

    I VOLUNTER TO UN-GAY TOM CRUISE! I WILL HIRE A PROSTITUTE TO DRAW THE GAY DEMONS OUT OF HIM. IF THAT DOESN’T WORK I WILL TAKE TOM SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN WITH CEMENT SHOES ON HIS FEET. I SEE MANY OTHERS ON THIS BOARD WHO NEEDS TO BE UN-GAYED, WHO IS READY TO BE CURED??????

    …OH AND I WILL JERK OFF IN KATIES LIBTURD SALAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  46. PapaHotNuts | July 6, 2006 at 4:18 pm

    I was offered a job to be baby Suri’s “manny”, but I refused when I learned that Suri was a Tickle Me Elmo doll with a Mission Impossible 4 T-shirt on.

    Reply
  47. Tom Cruise = Cult Puppet | July 6, 2006 at 4:48 pm

    Everyone knows that Katie was impregnated by a turkey baster full of El Rum Hubturd’s semen. Since Suri naturally turned out to be a ginger, TomKat’s publicists are now trying to figure out a way of explaining the red hair, freckles, fish lips, etc…

    BTW, TCLTC.

    Reply
  48. UNWASHEDMASSES | July 6, 2006 at 4:54 pm

    They are still waiting for the plastic surgery swelling to go down. Had to make the kid look more like Tom and less like Chris Klein. Or the kid looks like a freaking alien from War of the Words, with three legs and a penis head. Tom is reportedly very attached to it.

    Reply
  49. CancerNipples | July 6, 2006 at 5:05 pm

    bull, they tried selling thier baby pics and there were no takers because everyone was too caught up in Pitt-Jolie’s baby, and also because they waited too long. There is a baby Suri. Fools.

    Reply
  50. stevie is a girls name | July 6, 2006 at 5:13 pm

    Tom probably did eat the baby, or sacrifice it, or maybe they let Britney babysit. Who knows. Definately creepy though.. has ANYONE seen it at all like Katie’s parents maybe?

    Reply
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