Suri Cruise still doesn’t exist

July 6th, 2006 // 93 Comments

It’s been three months since Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ gave birth to Suri and she still hasn’t been seen, even by their closest friends. A source tells Us Weekly Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to show her to fellow Scientologists John Travolta, Kelly Preston and Lisa Marie Presley. Even their good friends Will and Jada Pinkett Smith haven’t met her, despite repeated calls to Cruise.


  1. okiedoke

    FIRST! :-)

  2. ashley86


  3. ashley86

    ughhh i guess not… so close tho!!

  4. okiedoke

    At least they didn’t sell Suri as soon as she was born like that “other” couple.

  5. i totally called this back in ’98.

  6. Rimmer

    Still a no show? Well, they’re probably waiting till they can perform the sex change. Cause TC realy really LTC.

  7. bootface

    she was sacrificed at birth

  8. rachie

    I love how there’s so much more evidence that she’s fake then evidence that she’s real.

  9. tinyTy

    Okay, remember how Tom and Nicole couldn’t have kids? After the divorce Nicole said in an interview that she’d like to have a baby someday. So if she wasn’t the problem, how can these two have a biological baby? I’m not sure how it’s connected, but it must be dammit! There’s no baby because the deal for the one they bought didn’t pan out. I hate Tom.

  10. Fugurself

    Heard that Tom went to Japan to film.

    And the Sushi bars prepared for his visit by serving raw placenta with wasabi.
    But you have to eat it silently, so

  11. CoJo

    Tom began eating the placenta and thought it was so good, he ate the whole baby.

  12. i_love_superficialUK

    Suri Cruise exists…in the world where Paris Hilton’s virginity, Pammy Anderson’s subtlety & K-Fed’s intelligence live.

    The Land of Make Believe.

  13. Fugurself

    #11 very funny. But it may also be that since Tom is shorter than a penguin, Suri actually looks like a tadpole. It might take another 10 years for her to look like a baby.

  14. DancingQueen

    They think this shit is weird??? This is the same guy who jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch for God’s sake. He is a FREAK plain and simple. Oh yeah, and he is particularly fond of the male phallic symbol.

  15. okiedoke

    #10 – ROFLMAO!!!!

  16. eatmyass_sherry-co

    HOW is this news and/or gossip? I thought this was given information because

    Wait for it….


  17. jrzmommy

    Take your pick:
    A) the baby is hideously deformed
    B) the biological mother changed her mind
    C) they’re still bleaching the orphan from Rwanda’s skin to make it as cauc. as possible
    Regardless, no baby with Tom Cruise DNA came out of her. No way. No how.

  18. endometriorama

    She’s in the Sea Org, people. Look it up.

  19. kandyk0119

    19th ooohhhhhheeeeeee I’m cool

  20. RichPort

    The child hasn’t emerged from it’s cocoon yet, having just completed the larvae stage of her metamorphosis. We’ll all know when the child is born because we may have to borrow Godzilla from the Japs… I hear it’s like Rodan II.

  21. francesfarmer

    I can’t believe how Cruise was talking about how excited he was to be a father and he wants to have 10 more kids, like he had completely forgotten about the two kids he adopted with Kidman, I bet they feel shafted

  22. Jacq

    Who wants to invite their friends over to coo about a prosthetic stomach?

    And TCLTC.

  23. pop

    didn’t baby suri die in a plan crash when her and tom both ejected?? oh wait, that was topgun….

  24. Jacq

    It’ll be totally obvious who the dad is when that child is photographed with an enlarged forehead, floppy ears and a dopey, vacant smirk like Chris Klein.

  25. Cooky

    i think its a little weard that they dont let anyone near the baby, problably because the baby Suri doesn t look like her daddy lolol….If i was him i would ask for a DNA test ,who is he joking everyone knows he cant have kids poor thing …….

  26. IFuckingHateYou

    Tom Cruise loves the cock.
    It’s been too long since I’ve said that, i feel better already. Thanks Tom Cruise, please celebrate by renting yourself a little man-whore and enjoying his cock.

  27. Jacq

    That guy on the right is thinking, “Look at those fucking freaks.”

  28. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest

    People slam scientology but if you think about it all the other religions are just as ridiculous. In fact the guys that came up with scientology are geniuses. They are selling their self-help crap tax free under the guise of “religion”.

  29. francesfarmer

    More people have died for religion than any other reason in the history of man kind. I think it’s time Tom Cruise added himself to the long list

  30. cruzin333

    The too-big belly on Kate was all a fluke. And remember that public appearance with the nursing bra hanging out, and Kate looking like hell? Another tactic cooked up to make it appear Suri actually exists. But like you guys have already said, Tom can’t HAVE kids…

    It’s all a ploy for media attention. “Kate” hasn’t really done anything since her Dawson’s Creek days, and everybody knows TCLTC, so he’s trying to make us think he can actually impregnate a woman. But we’re all too smart for them!

  31. lickmylipstick

    The explanation is simple: Tom Cruise believes his given birth to Scientiology’s equation of Jesus. Either that or it’s an alien.

  32. tinyTy

    But what’s wrong with lovin’ the cock? I totally understand Tom, the cock is a wonderous and lucious thing.


  33. MissyDra

    You know, I have been seeing “TCLTC” for a long time now and I just figured out what it meant. At least it was before #26.. I’m not that thick.

    Well, mebee a little.

  34. SpecialAgentWind

    All that just to steal Brooke Shields “not going to wanna kill my second baby” thunder. Sure the egg on his face when this all implodes will feel good to him, as if it was just another load of man juice.

  35. tinyTy

    Oh, maybe Katy has post partum depression. That would be awesome and so deserved!

  36. tinyTy

    The point of my last post being that’s why they’re hiding away.

  37. bunnyhugger

    didn’t i read on the SF that they did indeed try to pimp out the baby’s pics, but were only offered $3 mil as opposed to the $4mil that those other two got.
    and, # 28, please do a little research. first of all the “guys” that came up with scientology was ONE guy who was a bad science fiction writer, and a psychotic (that’s not a slam, he truly was. that’s how he got himself out of the armed forces). want some scary reading?

  38. buckinggrimace

    I seem to recall that just after Tom and Nicole split, Nicole announced she had a miscarriage. Tom also blamed the split on Nicole, saying “Nic knows what she did”. WTF?

    TCL……eh, whatev….

  39. bunnyhugger

    didn’t i read on the SF that they did indeed try to pimp out the baby’s pics, but were only offered $3 mil as opposed to the $4mil that those other two got.
    and, # 28, please do a little research. first of all the “guys” that came up with scientology was ONE guy who was a bad science fiction writer, and a psychotic (that’s not a slam, he truly was. that’s how he got himself out of the armed forces). want some scary reading?

  40. bunnyhugger

    fucking double posts.

  41. jrzmommy

    Did anyone else hear about President Putin kissing a little boy? It sounds pretty pedophile.

  42. nightshirt

    he cant have kids because he was once a girl and had a sex change. his mom hated men so much after his father left that she had him castrated. cant believe mimi rogers and nicole kidman led the lien and let it go on. i wonder what he has done to keep them shut up? and his adopted kids? they are lovely but do you think they know? LOL

  43. Nikk The Templar

    This is getting to be really suspicious. I’m think they’re holding out on showing little Suri until they get some astromnomical payment from the tabloids…like a ransom.

    Or Katie was just faking it to make Tom look like a sane hetero male.

  44. TOPAZ21

    Yeah I read about that…and I think putin is kinda hot. eeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!
    what did i just say?

  45. Mr_White_Secure_American



  46. PapaHotNuts

    I was offered a job to be baby Suri’s “manny”, but I refused when I learned that Suri was a Tickle Me Elmo doll with a Mission Impossible 4 T-shirt on.

  47. Tom Cruise = Cult Puppet

    Everyone knows that Katie was impregnated by a turkey baster full of El Rum Hubturd’s semen. Since Suri naturally turned out to be a ginger, TomKat’s publicists are now trying to figure out a way of explaining the red hair, freckles, fish lips, etc…


  48. They are still waiting for the plastic surgery swelling to go down. Had to make the kid look more like Tom and less like Chris Klein. Or the kid looks like a freaking alien from War of the Words, with three legs and a penis head. Tom is reportedly very attached to it.

  49. CancerNipples

    bull, they tried selling thier baby pics and there were no takers because everyone was too caught up in Pitt-Jolie’s baby, and also because they waited too long. There is a baby Suri. Fools.

  50. stevie is a girls name

    Tom probably did eat the baby, or sacrifice it, or maybe they let Britney babysit. Who knows. Definately creepy though.. has ANYONE seen it at all like Katie’s parents maybe?

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