Suri Cruise is alive and fuzzy

August 10th, 2006 // 87 Comments

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Vanity Fair has bought the rights to publish the first official pictures of Suri Cruise, but to hold you over until they do this is supposedly a shot of Suri taken as photographers were getting aerials of Tom Cruise’s mansion. I don’t doubt that it’s Suri, I just can’t see or make her out. It might as well be a picture of a tree with the caption: “Suri Cruise hides behind a tree.” Clearly there are colors involved here. And shapes. But the genetic composite of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? I don’t think I have the testicular fortitude to make such wild and crazy allegations.

Smaller even less clear shots of Suri at the window after the jump.


  1. Chantikins

    I told you guys aliens were real….

  2. dmarie

    Must not be any good stories today….who cares about Suri anyway??? Her dad is a crazed lunatic who needs to be killed.

    Thanks for playing

  3. Berrylicious

    is she human or some baby alien from here to save alll the scienctologist of the world.

  4. ellaminnowpea

    …and in other news…..NO ONE gives a rat’s ass… ’bout rescuing the sad and lonely Katie staring out the window…she’s hoping that the helicopter buzzing by is really the rescue team sent to free her from the hell that has become her life – but alas – it’s not…

  5. Looks like it’s a baby… in a white blankey.

    Either that or it’s the stunt baby…

    I suppose if they fly around in the air long enough, they are bound to get a picture sooner or later.

    Watch Tomkat close all the curtains now.

  6. Looks like it’s a baby… in a white blankey.

    Either that or it’s the stunt baby…

    I suppose if they fly around in the air long enough, they are bound to get a picture sooner or later.

    Watch Tomkat close all the curtains now.

  7. whodatiz

    In the first pic it looks like baby’s got horns!!

  8. RichPort

    That’s obviously a hologram.


  9. Wanna Pet My Beaver?

    “What ever happened to Baby Suri?”

    God damn Scientologists.

  10. Alice-Mary

    What the frick IS that? I don’t see no ‘baby’.

  11. Alice-Mary

    Oh my FUCKING GOD!!!

    #9 that is the most HORRIBLE THING I have EVER SEEN in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so sorry i clicked on the link. That sick fucker should be castrated with a rusty spork.

  12. Aeon

    I was just talking to a guy who is a scientist at JPL who has know for years that ultra sound really really can mess shit up made of meat. He said he has always been shocked that they use them to look at babies and has a theory that the rise in the use of ultra sound in the last 50 years correlates to the rise in autism. Crazy huh! Maybe that Jack Ass Tom used the ultra sound he apparently bought one too many times and the baby is a freak!

  13. BarbadoSlim

    Anyone give a shit?



  14. ToiletDuck

    Thy probably swaddled up one of Isabella’s old cabbage patch dolls she left behind when Nicole fled the insane asylum with her and Connor…

    And #11, I agree that was really horrible – the place settings didn’t match at all and there was no ketchup present on the table…the guy’s table manners were pretty bad too…fucking ape…jeez…

  15. Peaches2133

    I tell you, it’s a conspiracy. It has to be no baby (just a stupid publicity stunt insane & attention whore Tom fabricated), it’s an alien baby or something is seriously wrong with the baby (extra arm or leg, third eye?). Maybe the cute babies are on back order at the adoption agency cause why else would Tom take so long to reveal Suri.

  16. pagebetty

    ====Barbadoslim- who really cares? Uh, maybe you do? That’s why you came to this blog. Hello?——-Anywho! The picture is really creepy! I mean look at Katie, I mean Kate, she looks like she’s in a trance! It looks like the set of a horror movie or something.

  17. ruyukyo


  18. Do Freebird

    SO what’s the problem with #9. Nobody’s seen the 5 piece McInfant Value Meal? TC (of TCLTC) always gets his with a side of Placenta.

  19. LL

    K, what irks me about celebrity babies is this “first sighting of” bullshit. I understand celebrities want to protect their kids, you never know what psycho might be hanging around thinking they could sell Tom Cruise’s baby’s gallbladder and eyeballs on the black market as a miracle cure or whatever. So I don’t expect them to pass the kid around to everyone at the Rose Bowl or whatever, but why don’t these people send out baby announcements with a cute picture in it like normal people and be done with it? This selling first pictures of their kid to the highest bidder shit is really sorta scummy. They may as well just do a pay-per-view of the birth. It would be about as dignified. I know I am talking about Tom Cruise and his baby mama, so not exactly the most well-adjusted people anyway, but is no one around them saying, “Tom, Kate, enough already, just take a goddamn picture and e-mail it to E Online.” Damn.

  20. teddly

    hey i am suri cruise

  21. teddly

    anybody there suri anybody

  22. teddly

    does suri eat cookies?

  23. teddly


  24. KatieGoggles

    hahahaaaa 19

  25. zalie

    It looks like a sonogram picture to me!

  26. Toonlite

    I saw, from a reliable source – *Thanks Randi* that the wax figure of Shilo Jolie Pitt is missing…..

    Hence the “baby” is not close to the window….it might melt….after the pics were shot…it went back in the freezer..

  27. Oh, fuzzy. Yeah, like unrecognizable.

  28. Alice-Mary

    people joking about #9

    it’s not funny. just….no. i almost hurled.

  29. This baby is more well know because of the LACK of exposure it has gotten. Cracks me up that all this fuss is over baby pictures. Rather boring. Yawn. I am going back to posting new sex toys on our site now… that is just a tad more interesting than hearing abour Suri pics… again.

  30. mercedes215

    omg..thats awful..there goes my lunch..all over my keyboard

  31. ToiletDuck

    re: #9…

    Ok, everyone, so that you don’t toss and turn all night, it’s a FAKE baby, okay, a PHONY, a piece of pork tenderloin draped over an old plastic doll…

    HOWEVER, how appropriate since this thread is ALL about fake babies, isn’t it???

    And Tom still loves the cock…hee hee

  32. ffordegroupie

    Photo my ass. Apparently Tom got fake babies on sale, but didn’t bother to buy the right size. That is NOT the size of a child of four months. More like one or two years! I’d love to hear Tom explain how Katie supposedly squeezed out a kid that size without making a peep.

    They probably just parked a fake baby by the window. Come on, would Tom (who loves the cock) put the kid right next to a large window, with a nice open view of a flat yard? No way. Someone might take pictures, and he wouldn’t get money to donate to the cult. Sacrilege!

    Oh, and shot of Katie — very gothic novel. All she needs is a torn white dress, and Tom in sideburns and frock coat, cackling madly as he chases her across a stormy moor.

  33. ToiletDuck

    If you look closely, Tom is holding “it” – to me it looks more like the one-eyed-trouser-snake of which he so fond -

  34. j-man

    All the pics look like they’re straight out of a horror flick. Fuckin creepy how she’s standing in the window pale as shit cuz’ she’s not allowed out in public without covering her entire face and body with muslim garb or whatever Tom Cruise and his with craft are up to pushing upon her lately…. Thanks ricky boby….

  35. chezbrigitte

    Looks like a monkey to me. Shocker considering Tom Cruise is the father. And by father I mean the insane fucker who was allowed to procreate. Or so we assume. God knows what’s happening when it’s Scientologists we’re dealing with.

  36. Corn Chip Nail Tips

    Since she’s a baby she can already talk. And her first words were…


  37. Corn Chip Nail Tips

    What the hell. I meant since she’s an alien.

  38. ToiletDuck

    She’s a greasy, deformed, wrinkled, copper-skinned, bug-eyed, snaggle-toothed runt from the planet Triskellion…

    Ok – now EVERYONE knows now…

    By the way, TCLTC…

  39. nc72

    Today’s lesson, Scientologists poo too and use baby diapers.

  40. ToiletDuck

    She’s a screaming, shitting, puking, disgusting, smelly little nipple-sucking slimebag with no manners who kicks her legs up in the air and bays at the moon…

    Whoooaa, sorry, I thought we were talking about Courtney Love…wrong thread…sorry folks I fucked up…hey Suri, you rule!!!

  41. ebayfan414

    Riigghhhht. And I’m hiding the *real*, hot Britney in my basment.

    *shows “fuzzy” pics*

  42. yasmin3000y

    i dnt c no baby but that seems 2 be a nice house

  43. Where are the babies clothes?? Here are people with all the money in world and she is in just a diaper!!!!

  44. Proteon

    I wish I had helicopters circling my house 24/7. Why don’t they just give us the godamn baby and be done with it is what I want to know?

  45. herbiefrog

    There’s a better pic on x17…

    …the guys there seem to be interested
    …that suri looks a coupla months
    …older than she should be ?

    why did katie wear a cushion?
    it’s all very confusing

  46. jrzmommy

    Is this like one of those pictures where if you stare at it long enough you see another picture hidden within? Does it have horns?

  47. BarbadoSlim

    It’s friday and this half-assed post has been on top for way too long.

    Superfish has become a half-assed site, sad.

  48. Stirlang923

    WHoever took this picture shouldn’t have been paid anything! There is no baby

  49. ImSuicidal

    ♫ Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear…♪

    ♪ Suri Cruise is not there. ♫

  50. knowhere

    man, i can’t believe the hoopla surrounding WHAT A STUPID F*CKING BABY LOOKS LIKE. i can just about realize why some people might want to read about, lets say, paris hilton, because she’s a good looking (apparently to some) rich stupid bitch living the party lifestyle and hasn’t done dick to deserve it — the american dream in action. BUT A FREAKIN’ BABY?? kill me now

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