Suri Cruise gets art dedicated to her crap

August 30th, 2006 // 59 Comments

The lameass artist that brought us this is making another grab for attention by “shocking” the world with his latest masterpiece: a bronze sculpture inspired by Suri Cruise’s first poop. The work will go on display today, but won’t actually contain any of Suri Cruise’s poop.

“Babies mostly breastfeed for the first four months, so a baby’s first meal of solid food may be a baby’s first meal at the dinner table,” said David Kesting, the director of Capla Kesting Fine Art, located in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg gallery district. “A bronzed cast of baby’s first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family.”

“It’s partially a statement on modern media that ‘celebrity poop’ has more entertainment value than health, famine or other critical issues facing society and governments today,” the Capla crew said in a statement, “and also the absurdity of the media coverage on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ new baby, Suri Cruise, which has reached stellar proportions, eclipsing far more notable events with more substance.”

I’m all for poking fun at the media coverage surounding Suri Cruise, but I still find it slightly less offensive than the media coverage surrounding this. Maybe if the artist didn’t have a history of putting together ridiculous celebrity art. Or have me totally convinced he’s a publicity whore. No doubt within the next couple months this guy is going to announce a statue inspired by all of Paris Hilton’s vaginal diseases. Ooh, so shocking. Pay attention to this guy, he’s a real shocker.


  1. jrzmommy

    his rendition of mans’ inhumanity toward man.

    How about he does a cast bronze of a 30′ penis and call it Tom’s Adoration of the Cock.

  2. Cruzadas

    May we call this man a crap pedophile?

  3. cat_taylor

    holy shit.

  4. Cruzadas

    BTW, where’s suri?

  5. DancingQueen

    This is so retarded.

  6. jrzmommy

    yes this is retarded, but THIS is fucking classic!!

  7. bigponie

    I am a blooming artiste myself, and for my next exhibition I would like to cover Tom under six feet of dirt.

  8. RichPort

    How about a bronze of TC’s poop, I mean career, I mean, aw fuck it… they’re both getting flushed down the ol’ porcelain throne anyway.

  9. The LochNess Monster’s existence is more well-documented than Suri’s

  10. I see that plaster replicas will be available for purchase. I think I’ll pick one up as an investment. Early retirement, here I come!

  11. Bioplant

    Some animals are not fit to live with the others, and must be put down.

    Thus, it follows that some humans are not fit to live with others, and also must be put down.

    One of those humans is Tom Cruise. The other is the poop artist. Katie Holmes, however, is fit to live amongst the rest of us.

    Thank you.

  12. Italian Stallion

    “A bronzed cast of baby’s first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family.”

    I hope he mistakes memento for a mentos, he ate the placenta, why not the first shit?

    This shit is just fucking crazy, and bronze………..

  13. joslibrarian

    LOL!!! Tom, that’s got to go against scientology, somewhere… The funniest part is the specialist–a meaningful momento–yeah. I’ll be right back, I have to go drop some meaningful momentos of my own.

  14. bunnyhugger

    wtf is this? national bodily functions week?

  15. jrzmommy

    I like how they call it “fine art.” I fucking hate artsy fartsy avant garde dickheads.

  16. commissioner


    Oh my God!

    I can hear sister-in-law now. “Control freak this, BITCH!” (As she pours the candied yams over Kyra’s bad dye job. Wanna bet she’ll opt to work the holidays this year instead of facing the family?

  17. ToiletDuck

    how shitty – I hope they put some lacquer on it…

  18. biatcho

    This is why the arts are always the first thing to go in schools. Because of pieces of shit like this, literally. Fucking ARTEESTS can all go fuck themselves & their gay ass boyfriends while drinking chocolatini’s with their faghags.
    I blame Jesus…he had to go & give people the silly idea that you should be different & let your message be heard by the masses, even if they think you’re crazy.

  19. Astriastar

    Any word on whether or not Tom’s going to sue? It this does see the light of day, we’ll see what her shit looks like before we see what she looks like. Nice.

    How ridiculous is this? I’ll bet the crap is easier on the eyes than the kid is, otherwise we’d have seen her by now. And don’t tell me no one’s seen her yet because Tom values her privacy…he’s the biggest attention whore this side of Paris Hilton.

  20. jrzmommy

    16–I think Kyra will be doing the weather in Billings, Montana next.

  21. ToiletDuck

    Hmmm, I wonder if this based on a RUNNY turd, or something a little more solid? How about a nice bronze sculpture of her fucking shitty little diaper???

  22. ToiletDuck

    I wonder what alien feces looks like??

  23. ToiletDuck

    Here is a wonderful little clip of Little Suri, she is so cuuuuute – she is about to regurgitate her Romulan unicorn’s milk – enjoy!!

  24. commissioner


    Would have made my week if she had said something more interesting like, “Damn, my pussy hurts from the pounding my boyfriend gave me after my husband went to the gym this morning”.

  25. teenage-superbitch

    virtual poop for a virtual baby… tom, katy “suri” give up, no one is swallowing your bullshit… ( no pun intended)

  26. hey look, it’s creepy mcpherson and wide-eyed holmes.

  27. ToiletDuck

    Suri is an evil, scaly, fanged, green blooded, fucked up little runt who has come to our planet to overthrow our very way of life – she must be stopped at all costs..,

  28. jrzmommy

    24-I was hoping for, “I gotta watch out for my brother. His wife is such a fucking pussywhipping douchebag. It’s mother’s fault he’s such a gutless pussy. I mean, she dressed him in girl’s clothes and made him take baths with her until he was SEVEN, for chrissakes. Oh, you don’t know……our mother was a raging alchoholic! Father would go on these ‘business trips’ with his ‘friend’…..”

  29. Pavarottie

    As if the child isn’t going to be fucked up enough with a psycho daddy like Tom Cruise, now she will have a daily reminder of just how screwed her life is.

  30. Jacq

    Where are my other scatologists when I need them?!?!?!

    How can they bronze the poop when you KNOW Tom ate it?
    The only shit I will ever touch is the one that I take in my hand right before I slap Tom Cruise on a red carpet. THAT will be awesome.

  31. commissioner


    Sounds like some shit my kid would say to get out of music class and “get to see the counselor” instead.

    Way more entertaining than Suri shit. Some people bronze the first shoes, some people bronze the first excrement. Surprised Tom doesn’t make “Kate” spit out his jizz so he can pickle it and save it for all eternity.

  32. jrzmommy

    Tom bronzed his first pair of shoes with a lift in them.

  33. ToiletDuck

    She’s a skanky, psychotic, rubber-faced, bug-eyed little dirtbag who pisses out battery acid and she wants to overthrow our entire system…she was nursed by Courtney Love which makes her even more unstable…

  34. guest1234567

    The artist should do a piece about Tara Reid being so brave as she was standing outside a bar that wouldn’t let her in.

  35. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    This is a shit story.

  36. ToiletDuck


    Make sure one tit is showing…

  37. dejavoodoo

    doesn’t suri actually mean shit in some messed up sciontology based language? i’m gonna go jump on my couch

  38. ToiletDuck

    Here is a private clip of little Suri’s first diaper change – quite intense, but the TomKat handlers were able to get through it…

  39. Good grief. Next he is going to bronze his own poop and fling it at people while jumping on Oprah’s couch. Naughty Tom.

  40. Dory

    I feel ill. Will someone PLEASE take that poor child away from those people.

  41. Dory

    That is of course if there is a child…

  42. uh.huh.uh.huh


  43. Dirt McGirt

    You’re all glib

  44. Dogs At The Movies

    As if there wasn’t already enough useless crap in this World!

  45. Dogs At The Movies

    As if there wasn’t already enough useless crap in this World!

  46. AmberDextrose

    #18 – confusion. You mean that isn’t you? You’re posts are so misleading. Dammnit and I was gonna ask to be your faghag too. Bitch.

    #28 ha ha ha ha

    Is it right that child slaves are toiling in mines to produce the metal ore to cast this poo?

  47. Captain Awesome


    Typical artfag. When you can’t sell your work on its merit alone, make “shit” up!

    Looks like I’ll have to dig up Andy Warhol’s body so I can piss on it again.

  48. YoMamma

    “Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time.”

  49. nc72

    Here’s the scoop or poop heh. Wonder if it’s wet…

  50. thesarahficial

    you gotta be friggin kiddin me

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