of Suri Cruise’s birth certificate which wasn’t filed with the Los Angeles County Clerk until May 8th even though Suri was born on April 18. They also point out some interesting notes about the certificate, like that the “Attendant or Certifier” wasn’t in the room during the delivery and never saw the baby, although she was authorized to sign because the doctor wasn’t available. Additionally, St. John’s Hospital filed the certificate 20 days after the birth as opposed to their usual policy of doing it within 10 days because they needed a signature from the parents or their representative and nobody came in until May 4th. The person who eventually signed was labeled “friend” and the reason they finally came in was because Suri needed a passport and a birth certificate is a prerequisite for one.
I’ve got a birth certificate for Mickey Mouse I threw together in Photoshop but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t prove he exists. There’s something very fishy going on with this child and it’s up to me and my group of rambunctious sidekicks to figure out what.
to 100: They did try to pimp out their baby. But they didn’t get the amount of money they thought they should get (i.e., not $4 million or more), so Suri remains a mystery.
#78 thank you for those links****
In the words of the Great L. Ron:
An engram is defined as “a definite and permanent trace left by a stimulus on the protoplasm of a tissue. It is considered as a unit group of stimuli impinged solely on the cellular being”
“[engrams] can give a man arthritis, bursitis, asthma, allergies, sinusitis, coronary trouble, high blood pressure, and so on down the whole catalogue of psycho-somatic ills, adding a few more which were never specifically classified as psycho-somatic, such as the common cold”
People, our lives are killing us. I’m glad Suri is being deprived of one.
I think Suri is cloned. Considering how obsessed Tom is with Katie. Now he has two
#13…hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh.
I am betting that there is something horribly wrong with this baby. He paraded Kaite around all big and pregnant and then they fall of the face of the earth.
What I don’t understand is how no info has been leaked from the hospital. Some nurse must have seen something.
104-It was a special scientology hospital where the staff is comprised of illiterate mutes so there’s no noise around the baby. That’s also why no one who attended the birth could sign the certificate. Either that, or the hospital was on another planet and the aliens who attended the birth communicate only with weird eye blinks and snorts.
Is this the infant lynch mob room? Wait is this the “freckles make me go soft” library? Where are we?
The only thing “wrong” with the baby is that it is being raised Scientologist. Tom cannot possibly be the biological father. He is sterile. Cause of his divorce from Mimi Rogers, who has since remarried and had children, and also Nicole had a miscarriage, cause of divorce was obviously infidelity, child could not possibly be his. Remember Tom’s remarks over Nicole’s devastation that he up and left her abruptly? “Nic knows exactly why.” He had some childhood illness that caused his sterility and who knows what kind of Scientology voodoo/hypnosis was performed on poor dumb Katie. Suri is being kept from the public eye because Scientology doctrine believes that babies should be kept in quiet environments. Go fucking figure. He is a total psycho and she is a pathetic, young dumbass. He will have to die before she can get away from him. I firmly believe Suri is the offspring of L. Ron Hubbard. In vitro fertilization by frozen semen left by Hubbard. Karen S. Buckner in Texas
102–Engrams also have been known to give people crabs, the clap, herpes and various other crotch rot things. Paris Hilton is an engram.
94–and we sign our real names on OUR kids’ birth certificates so we have a little somethin’-somethin’ called PARENTAL RIGHTS. I think it’s funny that you don’t get the concept of a legal document and that you think Tom Cruise can skirt that issue.
Off topic – Do you ever feel like your life is a bad movie that never ends? Like “Cocktail” or “Days of Thunder” but with more sex and car crashes?
The TomKat Suri nonsense continues
Here’s a couple answers to questions posed in this thread:
1) Lying is far from a sin for $cientologists. It’s actually an important tenet in their “religion”, but they call it using “acceptable truths”. They would even be praised for murdering someone as long as they did it to help/protect the “church”.
2) If a $cio child is born with birth defects, the “church” believes that it is the baby’s fault. The baby “pulled it in” and must have done something really awful in his/her previous life and the defect is a sign of that. $cio management would not allow their golden boy to admit that his kid was born with problems. It would totally fuck up their version of the Truman Show.
I also agree that the real father is probably El Rum Hubturd. He said he’d come back to Earth in 1998. So what if he’s a little late if he/Suri managed to get a poweful Dad like TC. BTW, TCLTC.
Maybe this is what the previous poster was getting at but could it be that when he was wife shopping one of his criteria was to find someone that resembled him? That way when Katie was turkey basted the offspring would have a good chance of also resembling Tom. It’s the work of a mad genius…
First…you all are a bunch of losers…I know that’s a duh…
Second…First you wah-wah-wah that Tom/Kat are in the news too much..I know..most of these feelings are derived by that “green-eyed monster” called jealousy..
Third..Now all of you losers can’t wait to see a picture of Tom/Kats baby…but we all know when you do..it will be a fake, it will not be Tom’s Baby, it will be ugly, it will be retarded, it will be a black market baby, it will be El Ron Hubbard’s immaculate conception…again…LOSERS..
Lastly..TCLTC=TOM CRUISE LOVES TO CUDDLE
SCIENTOLOGY RULES!
Next they’ll concoct some tragedy about how little Suri (God forbid if she really does exist…and I mean it) died and they’ll go for the sympathy vote so they don’t lose face with the public.
Ooh did I hit a nerve with sherry?
114–yeah, we’re in the midst of a full fledged jealous froth here. I’m incredibly jealous of Katie Holmes because she gets to be called stupid and fraud and zombie and mindless and beard by the world. And if I were a guy, I’d be in a fit of envy because I’m called a raging closeted cocksucker by the world. Yep…you hit the nail on the head there…..we’re all jealous.
oops…because I’m NOT called a raging closeted cocksucker by the world.
Wow, sherry-co, the bariatric scooter-riding, Tom’s-ass-licking, sleep-apnea queen is back with a triumphantly stupid post.
sherry-co. welcome back. i thought youd abondoned us slimy jealous slugs.
On the Cruise-Kidman divorce papers, his name is listed as Thomas Cruise, so I’m guessing he’s had it legally changed for some time now.
Note: This does not make him any less of a freak or make the “baby” thing any less suspicious. I’m just sayin’.
Sherry-co is a slimy slug! Don’t freak out, but I think that there are aliens in your brains. Tom Cruise is a fruit-salad head.
Just to ruin the surprise – sherry will probably call me a whore. And tell you all about my illustrious whore lifestyle.
How’s your sensory deprivation chamber, snatch?
GO JESUS! YEA FOR CHRISTIANITY! When I yell on the computer, can it cause engrams for you? I want to be the reason for the negative chain-reaction that ruins your day.
#114 sherry-co,
Is it true that according to Scientology, whoever gives the most money to the church in a given year gets to rape all the homless runaway teens that they trick into joining the church with their bogus Personality quizzes? Oh ooops, is that how they suckered you in? Sorry for bringing up that bit of your past. On the bright side though, maybe one day you can be as cool and in shape as Kirstie Alley….oh wait, thats right, she was a pig until she stopped using Scientology techniques and went to Jenny Craig for help. Oh well, at least you have your fantasy life with Tom Cruise. I hope you have a big dick and hairy legs, because you know Tom Cruise loves the cock.
I’ve heard that when one achieves the 32nd level in Scientology, when they are completely “clear” and have transcended any and all Thetan contamination, they are taken into a room on the 13th floor of the Scientology building and shown their true god. It is a statue of Mickey Mouse with a big dick, and before the initial shock can fade they are beaten with hockey sticks by midgets who all the while deride them for being “vainglorious cocksuckers” and “stupid motherfuckers”. Tom has much to look forward to.
#124 – What about the 33rd level, which can be achieved when one goes directly from the 32nd level roof direcly down to the pavement below?
As for Suri, where there’s smoke there’s fire. You can’t tell me the photogs don’t have them camped out, and no one manages a single pic??? It has even been reported that family and friends have yet to see the kid – wtf?? It would be great if what #89 said was true, and some nameless hero in an artificial insemination lab impregnated Katie with black sperm. Explain that one away, Tommy boy. Even the best PR team would have a hell of a time with that one. I can just see the lab tech now, turkey baster in hand loaded with Charles Barkley DNA, about to slip it up Katie’s womanhood, all the while thinking, “This is for Vanilla Sky, motherfuck…”
Jacq – That level is achieved right after the midget beating, once the star in question has threatened public disclosure and a plethora of lawsuits.
124
I…can’t…breathe..I am…laughing…so..hard!!!!!
I agree with #25, something is probably wrong with this baby. If not born with a disability, this baby will certainly have one after living a childhood in hell with those freak Scientologists. She will be more screwed up than her parents combined. Thank God Nicole has some control over Cruises other 2 kids. They may turn out normal.
But Suri remains unseen, which is not unusual for a Cruise child. When he and Nicole Kidman were married, their two adopted children weren’t photographed until 1996, when son Conor Anthony was a year old and daughter Isabella Jane was 3.
Given that track record, those counting clocks might still have a while to tick.
http://apnews1.iwon.com//article/20060711/D8IQ10G08.html?PG=home&SEC=news
TCLTC for sure and for eternity…
Maybe Suri has that jack-nasty all over her lips like Katie
#114- Tom Cruise Loves to Cuddle?!
Thats the lamest joke I’ve ever heard.
Second only to your existence.
Wait a second, I think you are Tom Cruise and you upsized the dildo in your pooter a little too much this time.
126
That was some funny shit!
barney is a dinosaur from our imagination blablabla our creaaation
What I think happened is Kate got knocked up by Chris Klein before they broke up. (And he’s an ace anyway, because he said in an interview a while back he’d only date girls who were “10′s”. Then she had her infamous ‘interview’ with Tom about the movie role and where he whisked her away on a jet plane, and she then had to turn down because she was pregnant. Being that she was a strict Catholic, she was probably concerned what people (family) would think. Then Tom came up with this story to have them date (ehm – beard?) and get married, and then brainwashed her into ScienTomolgy. I bet she gave birth months ago, but had to hide it because if they claimed it was a premie and it weighed 7 lbs no one would buy it. So I bet they’ll wait until the kid is a year old and just say it’s “gifted” and “big” for its age. No one saw his other kids until they were a lot older too, so this could be the same thing. Which could explain Katie’s fake belly.
Or they are fake adopting some poor scientology girl’s baby and have hidden it away until they deem the time to be right. Which would also explain her fake belly.
Either way its a farce.
I don’t know about Hebrew, but Suri is a bug that the natives eat in Peru, maybe baby Suri doesn’t exist, but the bugs are for real…