Suri Cruise birth certificate

July 10th, 2006 // 136 Comments

of Suri Cruise’s birth certificate which wasn’t filed with the Los Angeles County Clerk until May 8th even though Suri was born on April 18. They also point out some interesting notes about the certificate, like that the “Attendant or Certifier” wasn’t in the room during the delivery and never saw the baby, although she was authorized to sign because the doctor wasn’t available. Additionally, St. John’s Hospital filed the certificate 20 days after the birth as opposed to their usual policy of doing it within 10 days because they needed a signature from the parents or their representative and nobody came in until May 4th. The person who eventually signed was labeled “friend” and the reason they finally came in was because Suri needed a passport and a birth certificate is a prerequisite for one.

I’ve got a birth certificate for Mickey Mouse I threw together in Photoshop but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t prove he exists. There’s something very fishy going on with this child and it’s up to me and my group of rambunctious sidekicks to figure out what.

superficial

  1. MrWonderPants

    freak

  2. RichPort

    Those Martians sure are good at writing in English.

  3. missykissy

    What does she need a passport for, there’s noise in other countries.

  4. At-Law

    First!

  5. At-Law

    First!

  6. At-Law

    First!

  7. At-Law

    I say it is a fake!

  8. RichPort

    If you take the first letter of every words in that birth certificate, mulitply the corrsponding numbers by two, and divide by the number of Scientology adherents, then multiply that quotient by the square root of the collective IQ of all Kaballah followers worldwide, you get and eerie, cryptic message: TCLTC.

  9. twzzlrgirl

    This story was my post #46 on the TC/KH thread about Suri being a Scientologist.

    I should work for the Superfish — seriously…

  10. jrzmommy

    Suddenly there’s a birth certificate. mmm hmmm….It’s not even a real one…It says “NOT A VALID DOCUMENT TO ESTABLISH IDENTITY”

    THERE IS NO SURI CRUISE AND THERE NEVER WILL BE!!!

  11. A2ROX

    I thinks this proves she doesn’t really exist. Except in their imaginary world where Tom doesn’t love the cock and is really straight, and also he knows everything about everything even though he never graduated high school and Katie Holmes has become the perfect mother and wife with her “bundle of joy”.

  12. Meghann

    It is most certainly fake. Cruise is not his legal name and Katherine is her legal name.

  13. pop

    huh…that’s odd, under ‘first name’ it says ‘Mavrick’….and under ‘place of birth’ it says ‘highway to the dangerzone’….

    http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/

  14. A2ROX

    I was just about to add the same thing, Meghann!

  15. Marceelf

    Interesting…do you need a passport when you’ve never left the house?

  16. jrzmommy

    8: too funny!!

  17. Meghann

    It’s definitely fake. Cruise is his middle name (Mapother is his last) and her legal first name is Katherine.

  18. coolie

    It’s fake.

    His real name is Thomas Mapother. Cruise is his middle name.

    Know what’s truly sad? I knew that information off the top of my head.

  19. RunLolaRun

    The kid is VERY handicaped and TomKat don’t know how to present this to the world… There must be something in Scientology that say handicaps are not real!!! My theory anyway…

  20. jrzmommy

    Exactly–I had to put my full legal name on my kids’ birth certificates. And if she’s catholic, her real name ain’t Kate–it’s Katherine.
    load of shit.

  21. YouWannaBMe

    No, you’re all wrong. Tom’s real name is Jack Mayhoffer. :) Get it? TCLTC!

  22. God, I almost FORGOT about Tom Cruise and his nonsense. Suri has got to be the dumbest name ever, these people are nuts.

  23. YouWannaBMe

    Oh, and this “Suri” thing doesn’t exist. I knew it way back when Katie was showing up places with maximum inflated beach balls tied around her waist. If you look at the pregnancy pics you would notice that it’s the most unnatural fake looking belly ever!

  24. Italian Stallion

    I think when Suri came out, the doctor handed “IT” to Tom and he mistook “IT” for the placenta and ate “IT”…………..

  25. tits_on_snack

    Kid doesn’t exist… or they had a kid who was very Down with the Syndrome and don’t know how to deal yet.

  26. YouWannaBMe

    Oh, and this “Suri” thing doesn’t exist. I knew it way back when Katie was showing up places with maximum inflated beach balls tied around her waist. If you look at the pregnancy pics you would notice that it’s the most unnatural fake looking belly ever!

  27. YouWannaBMe

    Oh, and this “Suri” thing doesn’t exist. I knew it way back when Katie was showing up places with maximum inflated beach balls tied around her waist. If you look at the pregnancy pics you would notice that it’s the most unnatural fake looking belly ever!

  28. YouWannaBMe

    Oh, and this “Suri” thing doesn’t exist. I knew it way back when Katie was showing up places with maximum inflated beach balls tied around her waist. If you look at the pregnancy pics you would notice that it’s the most unnatural fake looking belly ever!

  29. Italian Stallion

    When the baby came out, Tom mistook “IT” as the placenta and ate “IT”………….

  30. Giggles

    Meghann and Coolie already said it — that’s what I was going to say: those aren’t their legal names.

    My birth certificate also lists mother’s maiden name, occupation at birth, age at birth, etc. And MY MOM signed it. So there, KATE!!!

  31. Italian Stallion

    WTF is up with this server double posting shit?

  32. Amanda.

    Fake babies? Aliens? L. Ron Hubbard? This just keeps getting weirder.

  33. jrzmommy

    I wonder what will be found first….Osama bin Bang Bang or Suri Cruise? Or The Missing Link, or a Chupacabra, or a Yetti, or a leprechaun, or…..

  34. PapaHotNuts

    On the real birth certificate, under the baby’s sex, it stated “With Father Only”.

  35. francesfarmer

    Suri is going to be majorly fucked up when she gets older…She’s going to be raised in a family/community of cult members, there will be constant friction between her parents and Katie Holmes’ parents about religion and the way she is raised, plus half the world thinks she doesn’t exist and her mother was faking the pregnancy, while the other half thinks Tom Cruise is insane and Katie Holmes is brainwashed (excuse me “Kate”) Right and scientology helped the mental development of his daugher how??

  36. Toonlite

    yeah right and I am printing up “certificates” to say I am the queen of England…and for good measure…..that I am the first female Pope…..cos I need a passport to go to England and Italy…..my friends are signing my “documents”…I never touch the things…I don’t ever want to be “officially” charged with lying!!

    BTW….is it a ‘sin’ to tell lies in Scientology?….cos there be a hell of a lot of sinnin’ goin’ on….oh shit they don’t believe in hell…..well there is a Scientology equvalent….listening to TC constant yammering ….that is hell and we are all being punished….the blasphemous heathens that we are…..

    as always

    TCLTC

  37. Toonlite

    yeah right and I am printing up “certificates” to say I am the queen of England…and for good measure…..that I am the first female Pope…..cos I need a passport to go to England and Italy…..my friends are signing my “documents”…I never touch the things…I don’t ever want to be “officially” charged with lying!!

    BTW….is it a ‘sin’ to tell lies in Scientology?….cos there be a hell of a lot of sinnin’ goin’ on….oh shit they don’t believe in hell…..well there is a Scientology equvalent….listening to TC constant yammering ….that is hell and we are all being punished….the blasphemous heathens that we are…..

    as always

    TCLTC

  38. Toonlite

    sorry…..stoopit server….double post….it’s TC mind control…..OMG we are under attack!!!!!

  39. jrzmommy

    35–all true….except that there isn’t a Suri Cruise to be fucked up.
    I thought “Suri” was born at the same hospital that Brooke Shields’ kid was born at? Like Cedars-Sinai….what’s this St. John’s hospital?

  40. bluecanary

    My guess is Cruise changed his name legally years and years ago. You can do that, you know. So his legal name probably is now Cruise.

    And if she goes by Kate, under his direction, then they will accept Kate on the birth certificate. It’s not that big of a deal.

    They’re both freaks though, and I also doubt whether or not there’s a baby. My guess, though, is they simply haven’t been offered enough money for a pic. And Tom Cruise himself said in an interview he was going to keep both females in seclusion until he deemed appropriate to release them.

  41. francesfarmer

    twzzlrgirl: I agree, how would one sign up to write for this site? It doesn’t seem like webnerds write for this site anymore when they’re relying on commenters for news…although today’s post weren’t all that bad. as much as I love zooming in on Blohan’s freckles and picking apart every single possible problem with her (belly button too close to her boobs? Cmon people…) What about Matthew Mcconaughey’s latest beer gut? I’m sure people would love zooming in on that new puppy

  42. rolson

    forty second! Beotches

  43. twzzlrgirl

    As I said in another post, these two are so into public displays there is no way that they wouldn’t have been parading this child around from the moment she was born. Plus, has anyone seen the child?? No – not their creepy scientology friends or his or her family. Very weird.

    These two are complete fruitcakes. It will be better for humanity if there is no child.

  44. jrzmommy

    I really hope he’s freaking out over the bad press. I hope it’s killing him.

  45. maddawg_pimp

    Oh c’mon! This guy don’t like girls!

    Someone else impregnated her. Maybe she had artificial insemenation? Either way, someone got paid to make everyone think his is a real “heterosexual” man!

    And if he really is gay…. so what? Who cares? No one!!!

  46. jrzmommy

    45–we do. we care if he’s gay.

  47. punkpie

    I just received my full birth certificate from LA County because I am applying for a passport and it looks just like this one- same seals, stamps, etc. *However* mine has more details and information because it’s the FULL birth cert. The one above is called an “abstract” and is not used, like it says, for establishing identity. I found this out the hard way when I tried to get a passport with my birth cert. abstract… apparently the rules changed after 9-11. Pretty much anyone can apply to the county recorder and get a copy of someone else’s abstract. And that’s likely what someone did here.

  48. HollyJ

    I can’t believe under “Father” it isn’t signed Mr. Turkey Baster

  49. BarbadoSlim

    One of my sorces confirmed that in the Thetan language Suri translates to:

    Cock is cool.

  50. ptprez

    48…

    that’s because after the blow job, tom spit what was in his mouth…so in a sense, he is the father…

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