Suri Cruise Will Cut You

March 17th, 2011 // 75 Comments

Taking time off from buying penis gummies to presumably throw in Tom Cruise‘s face and call him a “faggot” (Kids are so cute.), here’s Suri Cruise letting the paparazzi know exactly who runs shit at Casa Xenu and it ain’t Midget Dad or Zombie Mom.

SURI: Why don’t you two kiss like other mommies and daddies?
TOM: Uhh…
KATIE: ….
SURI: Well, that’s about to change. *pulls switchblade* PROVE YOUR LOVE, BITCHES.
TOM: Never! *swallows cyanide capsule, spasms on the floor*
KATIE: ….
SURI: Can I have his wallet?
KATIE: ….
SURI: I’ll take that as a yes.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Suri Cruise
    Kirea
    Commented on this photo:

    She will not take any of your shit!

  2. Ass Fetish Hitler

    If I saw her walking towards me, I’d cross the street. She looks badass!

  3. rican

    Not cool Fish, you used the word *faggot*, and I’ve been edited out many times for using it!

  4. eliz

    bitch be trippin’.

  5. RoboZombie

    Bad Seed!

  6. Suri Cruise
    Mezzy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Bring it, Bitches!”

    • The Most Interesting

      I am now sorry that I allowed myself to be taken away by the booze.

      Because that was *exactly* my thought.

      Now back to the booze, with a solid expectation of seeing that Saturday.

  7. Suri Cruise
    Scotty
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks alot like vigo the carpathian from ghostbusters 2, seriously google it!

  8. Suri Cruise
    just here for laughs
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve seen those moves before. I guarantee her Daddy is on the other side of this and she’s stomping her foot because we all know Daddy’s are stupid and do whatever little girls say. Looks like even gay daddys are no exception…

  9. youcandieNOW

    She looks old enough for spankings with a belt.

  10. Yeeesh, she looks like she’s struggling with a magic eye picture.

  11. Never trust a six year old in a trenchcoat.

  12. Not for nothin’, but was Peter Falk a scientologist? Tell me you don’t get a “Columbo” vibe…

  13. Suri Cruise
    Throjo
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently Lord Xenu hasn’t figured out how to make brains explode with his new host body yet.

  14. Suri Cruise
    Rio Hobo
    Commented on this photo:

    You need to leave little girls off the site you wanker. Just exactly what type of dick are you to rip on a kid? Asswipe.

  15. amy

    Oh. Right. I’m sure homosexual individuals don’t take a “satirical” faggot personally……THANK GOD FOR SATIRE.

  16. Suri: Mommy get daddy in the car!

    Kati: I can’t find your so called midget daddy .

    Suri:He is stuck in the bunker picking out butt plugs for his day in the L.Ron Hubbard tabernacle .

    Kati:I am afraid he has the door locked.

    Suri: Snap to it bitch I don’t have all day David Miscavige wants to change my diaper and daddy’s to .

  17. R.

    lol, i loved this post, so funny, she’s so cute..:).

  18. The SHEEN

    She’ll never make the big time with those fat fingers and knobby needs. Thank God she covered her pointy elbows.

  19. Suri Cruise
    The SHEEN
    Commented on this photo:

    She is making the face her dad and his friend John make when they trying to lure the pool boy or the gardener (or both) into the guest house.

  20. Suri Cruise
    The SHEEN
    Commented on this photo:

    Her dad makes this face whenever her mom tries to take any of her clothes off.

  21. ginaraejones

    whoa dude. that kid’s got man-hands already.

  22. Suri Cruise
    plb
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does she seem to have no adult supervision!?

  23. Plobes

    cross-eyed little freak

  24. Suri Cruise
    wendy
    Commented on this photo:

    This is the Joey-Potter-drunk-lipsmack. People who’ve watched Dawson’s Creek will back me up on that.

  25. Annie

    are you guys sure she isnt tom with a wig, minus his stilt shoes?

  26. Suri Cruise
    elle
    Commented on this photo:

    This poor kid is going to grow up to be such a weirdo.

  27. anonym

    3 years old, and already snapped by the paparazzi. too bad.

    she will need a nose job when she grows up. Tom Cruise’s nose isn’t gonna look too good on that face.

  28. Mom, Daddy ate all my penisses!

  29. MrsEllis

    This girl is going to be way too beautiful when she grows up. She’s also probably going to be a huge pain in the ass.

  30. Suri Cruise
    KayKay
    Commented on this photo:

    Pretending my parents love each other is serious business….

  31. jen

    haha this post was pretty funny. the pictures make me laugh because she looks so grumpy and anyone who has kids has seen that fury before!

  32. Suri Cruise
    putabirdonit
    Commented on this photo:

    This was so funny!!!! I can’t stop laughing about this post!! Totally made my day!

  33. lils

    She’s what? 5? And she already has the Disney whore vibe. And nice job ruining the kid’s kidneys with those heels, mommy.

  34. Fucked!!!

    Scary shit Bro…..

  35. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    Me no likey zis kid.

  36. Marceelf

    Watch out, Katie. Suri will fuck a bitch up with one hand, holding Tom’s weave in her other.

  37. Suri Cruise
    Stephanie
    Commented on this photo:

    Who you callin’ a SP, Biatch?

  38. Myclamisaninnie

    ALL WINTER LONG, THROUGH RAIN, SLEET AND SNOW

    SURI NEVER WEARS PANTS, LEGGINGS, ALWAYS BARE LEGS, DESPITE HER FAMILY IS BUNDLED UP!! WTF??

    SURI SAYS, NO LEGGINGS MOTHER FUCKERS, TO HER PARENTS, AND THATS ALL IT TAKES!

  39. She’s been practicing Blue Ice with daddy. She’ll soon be elevated to Tigre level.

  40. Suri Cruise
    RebelMinion
    Commented on this photo:

    As “The Child” focused its otherworldly powers, all that could be heard was the far off wet popping sound as the head of Tom Cruise popped like an over ripe melon.

  41. Suri Cruise
    Yuri
    Commented on this photo:

    Cute

  42. Vavavoom

    Aw she is such cutie pie

  43. terry

    She looks like trailer trash!
    Tom is all up in that weird ass church with Will Smith and Jada and their effing crazy ass children.
    How the hell did Katie Holmes get her butt caught up in that mess?
    Oh yeah, MONEY!!!!!

  44. Suri Cruise
    Anastasia
    Commented on this photo:

    Suri is 4 years old and doesn’t deserve anyone’s criticism. She’s just a child. I have a 4 year old and she makes many faces much like Suri. Do not judge a 4 year old child. Asinine behavior from so called caring adults.

  45. Braianan

    this iz 2 funny she looks like the white version of forest whitaker jus then lmfao hahahaha

  46. Suri Cruise
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    They dress this kid like a homeless person.

  47. Suri Cruise
    PJ
    Commented on this photo:

    “You want a piece of this? Don’t let my flower headband fool you, I will beat the shit out of you with my toddler sized high heels.”

  48. Realist

    She acts despicably because she is allowed to do so and was taught to act any way she chooses. Obviously never taught any manners or respect for adults. It’s not acceptable and really hilarious as to how she acts so superior to adults while sucking on her pacifier now at the ripe old age of just turning six. That paci is truly a fashion statement. Looks like she is trying to act out as a spoiled little brat for the movie coming her way!

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