Superman Dumps 19-Year-Old Girlfriend

“Now I’m into old chicks! Up, up, and awa- oh god, your bones are so brittle.”

Batman V Superman starred a dickish, brooding Superman who really didn’t do a whole lot except act like a dick and brood. So because he’s method, Henry Cavill has dumped his 19-year-old girlfriend after publicly stating he’d be using her vagina to get over all of those reviews calling his Superman a broodish dick. Via Page Six:

“Superman” star Henry Cavill has split with his teenage girlfriend – just weeks after gushing that she “protects him” when the world “gets too heavy.”
In one cringy interview, Henry went on to say that student Tara King will “happily take that weight” for him despite the large age gap.

Do British people call their penises “weight” now? I’ll never understand you dodgy tossers. Anyway, at least Henry Cavill didn’t invite her to his birthday party like she’s 11.

“Henry said the two of them could stay friends and he even invited her to his recent birthday party, which she did go to.”
“But their relationship is over.”

As for what might’ve scared Henry Cavill away from a serious commitment (besides a dump truck full of other vaginas he hasn’t had sex with yet), I’m going to go ahead and take a shot in the dark here, and say it was this. Probably this.

ben affleck vaping
♫ Everything you say to me, TAKES ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK! I need a little room to breathe… ♫

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Photos: Getty