Super Bowl Commercials To Donald Trump: ‘Go F*ck Yourself’

“Look! I made this pen fly with my mind.”
“Sir, I watched you throw it into the air.”
“Wrong! It’s flying. Go lay under the car.”
“Oh thank God.”

If you watched the Super Bowl last night, then you probably noticed that despite Donald Trump’s boyfriend’s team winning – Ben Affleck loved you, you whore! – a lot of the commercials seem to have a single, unifying message for our new president. And that message was, “Fuck your own face.” Perhaps none more pointedly than 84 Lumber who plunked down God knows how much for a 90-second spot featuring a mother and daughter’s perilous trek from Mexico into the United States. (The original version had an actual border wall stopping them, but was rejected by Fox. I can’t imagine why.)

So here are just a few of those ads, and I really can’t wait to hear about how they’re why Trump won in the first place and will only “alienate customers” when obviously somebody somewhere went, “No, wait, he lost the popular vote and only won thanks to a strategically located packs of idiots. The math says we can care about basic human decency. But only in a football commercial!”

Budweiser: Pro-immigration.

Coke: Pro-Muslims and minorities are human beings, too.

Google: Pro-all the stuff Coke just said plus a gay flag.

Audi: Pro-women don’t have to dress like women. P.S. Pay them better.

84 Lumber: Pro-hey, these people are just trying to work shit jobs white people don’t want. Why don’t you quit being such a racist dick about it?

This has been a bunch of free advertising I just gave away because I think I’m sticking it to the- goddammit, I walked right into it. Right fucking into it. Sonofabitch.

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