Brooke Shields used to be almost-hot on Suddenly Susan (which I never watched, and even if I did, it certainly wasn’t because I have a sick infatuation with Kathy Griffin), but recently she’s been looking – how shall I put this? – fit to date Paula Abdul.
Tom Cruise tells me it’s because of all the postpartum medication. But he also tells me that it’s okay for platonic guy friends to get naked and cuddle and that his fiance totally doesn’t mind. You guys, I think Tom Cruise may be a liar. And possibly gay. (Oh, put down the angry letter, Mr. Tom Cruise’s Lawyer, it was a joke.)
Props to our friends at Hollywood Tuna for this delicious can of Tranny of the Sea.
(The large pictures have some nipple action and are possibly NSFW. I say “possibly” because I’m almost certain it’s hairy man-nipple.)
celery | September 19, 2005 at 2:31 pm
what happened to her? and where was i? ew…….
JennJenn | September 19, 2005 at 2:32 pm
Her??? Are you sure it’s still a her???
:) JennJenn
Grey | September 19, 2005 at 2:41 pm
her face looks like theres a giant 700lb fan hiding behind the camera!! this comment link is so kool!!!
liebemin | September 19, 2005 at 2:42 pm
May I just say that her boobs are terrifyingly close to her neck, and not in a “I just hit puberty” kind of way? Shouldn’t gravity have kicked in by now?
Tommy Cruise | September 19, 2005 at 2:55 pm
And putting acrylic nails on man-hands doesn’t fool anybody. Now I understand why she needs all of those anti-depressants. Go ahead, Brook, take them. It’s okay.
PirateWench | September 19, 2005 at 3:11 pm
She was hotter as a 12-yr. old hooker.
Master Shake | September 19, 2005 at 3:40 pm
That’s not Brooke Shields. That’s Fabio.
gracieo | September 19, 2005 at 4:04 pm
yikes, those manboobs are scary!
WTFweretheythinking? | September 19, 2005 at 4:26 pm
I thought I was the only one that thought she was turning into a man.
vercat | September 19, 2005 at 4:32 pm
BOOBIES……BBBOOOOOBBBBIIIEESS :)
Candy | September 19, 2005 at 5:22 pm
Wow and they used to call her the most beautiful girl in the world.
Jon | September 19, 2005 at 5:28 pm
Man, she used to look nice.
seminole | September 19, 2005 at 5:55 pm
that not a woman, that’s Fabio. Stop posting lies.
oh wait, Fabio has bigger tits. My bad.
sparkydingle | September 19, 2005 at 7:25 pm
ok, it’s well overdue for her to start tweezing. come on now.
mac2048 | September 19, 2005 at 7:28 pm
Let’s be honest, though, she has been a bit manish these past few years hasn’t she? It’s a bit sad to think she reached her peak when she was a pre-teen doing “Blue Lagoon”.
BastardotheGreat | September 19, 2005 at 7:59 pm
Is she getting testosterone from her meds and perhaps doesn’t know it? Maybe its on purpose for a role, you know what actors will do for one.
celeb_hater | September 19, 2005 at 8:17 pm
I think she might be on ANDRO
Converse | September 19, 2005 at 9:12 pm
You guys are all saying her boob makes her look like a man, but has anybody noticed her eyebrows, it’s like a jungle…
fkdupkitty | September 19, 2005 at 10:11 pm
she’s starting to look like Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzanegger mutated into one nightmare-inducing beast.
poopookatchoo | September 19, 2005 at 11:19 pm
I know bovine steroid use when I see it. Thats not it, but she sure does look manly.
izzy | September 19, 2005 at 11:48 pm
well, i guess we all go downhill sometime… thing is, she was always a “big girl”… like on suddenly susan she was ginormously taller than everyone… maybe she has some giant blood in her, eh??
Kangascoop | September 20, 2005 at 12:45 am
I think she is just getting herself ready to eat Tom Cruise.
Seriously though, lets look at these pictures the right way…after zoning out at her nipples for a good ten minutes perplexed at my lack of penile perking up (at work in my cubicle covering the screen in case my 60 year old female neighbor walks by to the bathroom for the 14th time), I notice that she is smiling…I get that warm feeling that maybe, just maybe, she right and Tom Cruise is wrong, because so far, I think Cruise has made some convincing arguments. Yeah.
Did I say convincing arguments? I meant convincing human clones. Replications of himself in fact. Yeah the cool Tom Cruise that flipped those bottles in Cocktail and nailed Elizabeth Shue…he has long since left this planet.
sugarplum | September 20, 2005 at 1:46 am
Maybe it’s time for a brow-tweeze. She’s getting old and the juvenile look isn’t working anymore.
AmberDextrose | September 20, 2005 at 6:29 am
It would make sense for Cruisey to get in with her/him (herm?) – especially if s-he’s pre-op down below.
But has anyone else noticed this phenomenon (ew, that’s a nasty word to type) on Teri Hatcher?
Perhaps Teri and Brooke could do a remake of that that Carla & Whatsherface mock-trannies-hiding-from-the-mob film.
maetl | September 20, 2005 at 7:21 am
man that is SCARY.
she appears to be another rectangular woman.
Joe Mamma | September 20, 2005 at 12:31 pm
Damn! She is looking so Manly Tom Cruise might do her.
af_prince | September 20, 2005 at 12:36 pm
haha you had to put the “it’s a joke” in paranthesis to avoid a lawsuit slapped on your ass. nice now that is real intimidation!!!
hautecouture18 | September 20, 2005 at 3:44 pm
y would she show her boobies. Is she saying “I am still a women look at these” I mean I can understand if u were jessica alba and showing ur tits. but brooke shields??? y?
charlieboz | September 21, 2005 at 1:31 am
Time is brutal.
Here is the evidence that God has a cruel sense of humor.
When Brooke Sheilds was about 16 she was absolutely the hottest thing on the planet. I can now honestly say I wouldn’t look at her twice in a bar.
Juliette | September 21, 2005 at 12:33 pm
When I saw the pics of her I immediately thought steriods too. My God, what happened to her?
She needs to ease up on the roids and weight lifting, me thinks.
dade1213 | September 21, 2005 at 1:42 pm
Poor Brookie Schwarzenegger..I can smell a hint of Amanda Peete in there somewhere too…probably in the vicinity of those hobbit like eyebrows. Imagine what those feet look like!
Proteon | September 21, 2005 at 3:16 pm
Whatever this is it sure can’t be a result of being addicted to Paxil.
CastIronBitch | September 22, 2005 at 12:35 am
Um, I actually think her nipples look very nice, for nipples, not like man nipples at all.
The classy factor in showing them…somewhere around Tara Reid. But at least we already knew she was a ho. Poor Brook, age just takes some people differently, you know? Take a page from some of the oldies but goodies (look at the starlicious makeovers on E! if you don’t know what I’m talking about) and get ready for the knife.
You know you want it.
*le-le79* | September 22, 2005 at 3:59 pm
she didn’t age well!
dizzydallas | September 25, 2005 at 6:41 am
stop the botox you look like sally jessie raphael…droop eye BAAAADDDD
jayman68 | March 19, 2006 at 2:23 am
I wonder how many homeruns she’ll hit this season.
catslovers | April 5, 2006 at 10:06 am
I can’t choose what is more attractive – the picture on the right or the picture on the left?
memory card reader | June 3, 2010 at 6:00 am
I notice that she is smiling … I have this warm feeling that maybe, just maybe, the law and Tom Cruise is false, because until now, I think Cruise has arguments.