Suddenly Shemale

September 19th, 2005 // 40 Comments

Man_Brooke.jpgBrooke Shields used to be almost-hot on Suddenly Susan (which I never watched, and even if I did, it certainly wasn’t because I have a sick infatuation with Kathy Griffin), but recently she’s been looking – how shall I put this? – fit to date Paula Abdul.

Tom Cruise tells me it’s because of all the postpartum medication. But he also tells me that it’s okay for platonic guy friends to get naked and cuddle and that his fiance totally doesn’t mind. You guys, I think Tom Cruise may be a liar. And possibly gay. (Oh, put down the angry letter, Mr. Tom Cruise’s Lawyer, it was a joke.)

Props to our friends at Hollywood Tuna for this delicious can of Tranny of the Sea.

(The large pictures have some nipple action and are possibly NSFW. I say “possibly” because I’m almost certain it’s hairy man-nipple.)


  1. celery

    what happened to her? and where was i? ew…….

  2. JennJenn

    Her??? Are you sure it’s still a her???

    :) JennJenn

  3. Grey

    her face looks like theres a giant 700lb fan hiding behind the camera!! this comment link is so kool!!!

  4. liebemin

    May I just say that her boobs are terrifyingly close to her neck, and not in a “I just hit puberty” kind of way? Shouldn’t gravity have kicked in by now?

  5. Tommy Cruise

    And putting acrylic nails on man-hands doesn’t fool anybody. Now I understand why she needs all of those anti-depressants. Go ahead, Brook, take them. It’s okay.

  6. She was hotter as a 12-yr. old hooker.

  7. Master Shake

    That’s not Brooke Shields. That’s Fabio.

  8. gracieo

    yikes, those manboobs are scary!

  9. WTFweretheythinking?

    I thought I was the only one that thought she was turning into a man.

  10. vercat


  11. Candy

    Wow and they used to call her the most beautiful girl in the world.

  12. Jon

    Man, she used to look nice.

  13. seminole

    that not a woman, that’s Fabio. Stop posting lies.

    oh wait, Fabio has bigger tits. My bad.

  14. sparkydingle

    ok, it’s well overdue for her to start tweezing. come on now.

  15. mac2048

    Let’s be honest, though, she has been a bit manish these past few years hasn’t she? It’s a bit sad to think she reached her peak when she was a pre-teen doing “Blue Lagoon”.

  16. BastardotheGreat

    Is she getting testosterone from her meds and perhaps doesn’t know it? Maybe its on purpose for a role, you know what actors will do for one.

    • I HATE Juicers

      Artificial testosterone IS a “med”!
      Artificial testosterone is a drug which makes you feel better physically and mentally…
      It wouldn’t surprise me if Tom told her all about the benefits of Testosterone and HGH + to go see his doctor (aka drug supplier), back when she was depressed.
      She started turning masculine/muscular at about that time.

  17. celeb_hater

    I think she might be on ANDRO

  18. Converse

    You guys are all saying her boob makes her look like a man, but has anybody noticed her eyebrows, it’s like a jungle…

  19. fkdupkitty

    she’s starting to look like Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzanegger mutated into one nightmare-inducing beast.

  20. poopookatchoo

    I know bovine steroid use when I see it. Thats not it, but she sure does look manly.

  21. well, i guess we all go downhill sometime… thing is, she was always a “big girl”… like on suddenly susan she was ginormously taller than everyone… maybe she has some giant blood in her, eh??

  22. Kangascoop

    I think she is just getting herself ready to eat Tom Cruise.

    Seriously though, lets look at these pictures the right way…after zoning out at her nipples for a good ten minutes perplexed at my lack of penile perking up (at work in my cubicle covering the screen in case my 60 year old female neighbor walks by to the bathroom for the 14th time), I notice that she is smiling…I get that warm feeling that maybe, just maybe, she right and Tom Cruise is wrong, because so far, I think Cruise has made some convincing arguments. Yeah.

    Did I say convincing arguments? I meant convincing human clones. Replications of himself in fact. Yeah the cool Tom Cruise that flipped those bottles in Cocktail and nailed Elizabeth Shue…he has long since left this planet.

  23. sugarplum

    Maybe it’s time for a brow-tweeze. She’s getting old and the juvenile look isn’t working anymore.

  24. AmberDextrose

    It would make sense for Cruisey to get in with her/him (herm?) – especially if s-he’s pre-op down below.

    But has anyone else noticed this phenomenon (ew, that’s a nasty word to type) on Teri Hatcher?

    Perhaps Teri and Brooke could do a remake of that that Carla & Whatsherface mock-trannies-hiding-from-the-mob film.

  25. maetl

    man that is SCARY.
    she appears to be another rectangular woman.

  26. Joe Mamma

    Damn! She is looking so Manly Tom Cruise might do her.

  27. af_prince

    haha you had to put the “it’s a joke” in paranthesis to avoid a lawsuit slapped on your ass. nice now that is real intimidation!!!

  28. hautecouture18

    y would she show her boobies. Is she saying “I am still a women look at these” I mean I can understand if u were jessica alba and showing ur tits. but brooke shields??? y?

  29. charlieboz

    Time is brutal.

    Here is the evidence that God has a cruel sense of humor.

    When Brooke Sheilds was about 16 she was absolutely the hottest thing on the planet. I can now honestly say I wouldn’t look at her twice in a bar.

  30. Juliette

    When I saw the pics of her I immediately thought steriods too. My God, what happened to her?
    She needs to ease up on the roids and weight lifting, me thinks.

  31. dade1213

    Poor Brookie Schwarzenegger..I can smell a hint of Amanda Peete in there somewhere too…probably in the vicinity of those hobbit like eyebrows. Imagine what those feet look like!

  32. Proteon

    Whatever this is it sure can’t be a result of being addicted to Paxil.

  33. CastIronBitch

    Um, I actually think her nipples look very nice, for nipples, not like man nipples at all.

    The classy factor in showing them…somewhere around Tara Reid. But at least we already knew she was a ho. Poor Brook, age just takes some people differently, you know? Take a page from some of the oldies but goodies (look at the starlicious makeovers on E! if you don’t know what I’m talking about) and get ready for the knife.

    You know you want it.

  34. *le-le79*

    she didn’t age well!

  35. dizzydallas

    stop the botox you look like sally jessie raphael…droop eye BAAAADDDD

  36. jayman68

    I wonder how many homeruns she’ll hit this season.

  37. I can’t choose what is more attractive – the picture on the right or the picture on the left?

  38. I notice that she is smiling … I have this warm feeling that maybe, just maybe, the law and Tom Cruise is false, because until now, I think Cruise has arguments.

  39. I HATE Juicers

    It’s from all the HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE and most likely TESTOSTERONE (which is an ANABOLIC STEROID – NOT “natural supplement”) she has taken over the years.
    Wake up people.

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