Stifler: I had sex with Jessica Simpson

Stifler, whose real name is apparently Seann William Scott (I had no idea.), addressed the Internet rumors about why there’s tension between him and Nick Lachey. Turns out Stifler and Jessica Simpson had what grown-ups call a “special hug.” Here’s my brief transcribing of what he said to

DJ Whoo Kid: I heard you had beef with Nick Lachey, man.
Stifler: Oh, ’cause I fucked Jessica Simpson?
[Assorted OH!’s, DAMN’s, That is WACK!’s]
Stifler: No, but I did!
DJ Whoo Kid: One rumor out da way!

Why wasn’t this bit of awesome included on the Dukes of Hazard DVD? And why did I just admit I watched said DVD? I should’ve admitted something a little less embarrassing – like I have chlamydia. Don’t worry; I’m on antibiotics. Ladies.