Steven Seagal Sleep Talking About World Issues Made My Day

The FIRST thing that crossed my mind this morning when I got out of bed was, “I wonder what Steven Seagal thinks about all this national anthem protest stuff.” I went on to make myself some breakfast, mentally consoling myself because I knew I probably would never get my wish. A woman passed me on the elevator on my way into the office and even said to me, “Randy, why do you look so blue?”

I could barely hear her because I was blasting Steven Seagal’s blues album through my earbuds. “I just want to know what Steven Seagal thinks about all these NFL protests, but probably will never get my answer because *sigh* he’s a Russian citizen now…”

“Cheer up, Randy.” She said as she patted me on the shoulder.

Moments later I sat down at my “desk” (it’s actually stall in the bathroom of a Baskin Robins) and saw the most wonderful headline: “Steven Seagal: NFL kneeling protest is ‘disgusting.'”

Thanks, Universe — maybe you’re not so bad after all…

Now here’s how to pick out Steven Seagal while playing Guess Who…

Male or female? — male.
Does he wear glasses? — yes.
Does he have facial hair? – yes.
Does he shred guitar, have Russian citizenship, and talk like a shaman on peyote? – YES.
It’s Phillip! — nope, it’s Steven Seagal.
DAMN, so close…