Steven Seagal Might Run For Arizona Governor To Stop All The Mexicans, But He’s Not Racist!

By: The Superficial / January 6, 2014

When we last left Steven Seagal, he was enjoying his new career as a Russian arms dealer thanks to his old pal, and stand-up guy, Vladimir Putin. But now that he’s conquered the world of international weapons trafficking, it’s time he focused his karate powers on more humanitarian endeavors like the sweet tang of rape keeping all the Mexicans out of America by becoming governor of Arizona. Via KNXV-TV:

“Joe Arpaio and me were talking about me running for governor in Arizona which is kind of a joke, but I suppose I would remotely consider it. But probably I would have a lot of other responsibilities that may be important to address. … People are talking about, oh, Islamic terrorism in America, but I don’t think it’s that at all. I think our biggest problem is open borders.”

Seagal then added that he’s not a racist, he simply just tries “to get the bad guy” who in this case happens to be all the Mexicans. But, for all he knows, it could be someone who’s black, middle eastern or some sort of Asian. “It’s literally a grab bag of ethnicities that could be committing crimes against white people, so I’m not going to be racist and single just one out,” I’ll assume he said while asking if the reporter is married and if her husband would mind if he sensually massaged her vagina with the tip of his penis. “Purely for the sake of mystical arts,” he’ll quickly add as the fluttering of his kimono becomes almost hypnotic, like the night rain.

Photos: Getty